Post # 1
This could get long….
Last night Fiance and I had our first big fight. Over Kids… They have been on our mind a lot lately because the date we chose for our wedding puts us on our honeymoon during my ovulation. It is important to us both that we don’t use protection during the first few years of marriage for moral and religious reasons. Thus we are facing the reality that there could be a pregnancy and a child in the 1st year of marriage, not something we would choose over a year to be newlyweds by ourselves.
I am White with lineage I can trace very securely (unfortunatly my ancestors wanted “pure” blood whatever that is) so I am of the 1st generation to actually melt with the pot (family has been in U.S. since mid 1800s but remained 100% pure blood of the homeland… >.<) Though I am sad that my family was ignorant for awhile I am proud of my heritage, I am proud of who I am, and I wouldn’t want to change that. However I am graduating with a BA in Spanish. So last night I mentioned I would want our kids to be able to speak both Spanish and English. I would be able to speak to them in Spanish so they could start to naturally pick it up… Fiance blew up! He accused me of wanting to be hispanic and not being proud of my english and roots (reminds me of my family’s ignorance)… It couldn’t be farther from the truth.
I have cried and cried and because we are in a LDR (I still see him on weekends) I wont really be able to talk to him about it until tommorrow. I have never seen him act this way nor has he ever hurt me so much. I don’t know what to do. I still love him and I still believe in us but I am worried he is changing towards a man I would live in pain with. I have been in an abusive relationship before and Fi has done everything the opposite of my ex. I finnally had the confidence to wear a dress and heels for the first time in my life. He makes me feel sexy without trying. He is my rock and foundation but I feel there has been an earthquake and Im worried that foundation may be cracked.
Bees what should I do? Am I overreacting (Aunt Flo is currently visiting)? I want this to just be water under the bridge but his comments were so hurtful I’m not sure how to react.
Post # 3
He lost his temper because you want to teach your future children a second language? That’s odd. Is he upset because he can’t speak Spanish?
Post # 4
Why would he blow up over that? I also studied spanish in school and became pretty fluent and want to speak Spanish to my children so they pick it up. What’s the harm in giving them an opportunity to be naturally bilingual? I mean, it’s not like your interest in spanish is new… you majored in it for goodness sake!!!! Is he okay with you majoring in it? Sounds like he needs to chill out and be a little more open-minded. He sounds insecure.
Post # 5
1) I’m not sure you illuminated the argument enough. What he said sounded ignorant of what your intentions were but I’m not sure it would ever lead to an abusive relationship. If you posted the worst of what he said I think you might be a tad overreacting based on your past experience.
2) My Future Sister-In-Law and her Darling Husband have a similar arrangement with languages. She speaks to the children in Spanish and he speaks to them in English and they currently learn very well in both. Maybe you could defend your stance in the logical argument point that Spanish is a very desirable fluency to have today. A lot of jobs offer bonus pay to those who speak Spanish. Also anyone having kids now who has an eye for the future will attempt to teach their kids languages that will aid them later on, like Spanish or Mandarin. Maybe let him know it is a logical thing to do?
Post # 6
Fi took Spanish in High School but majored in English in College. He doesn’t remember a lot and I think he realizes that my career feild and where his is are 2 different incomes (i will make the money basically) He mentioned he was worried he would be a stay at home dad and that as a baptist (We are raising kids Catholic like me) he would mess up in raising them. I know he would be fine as a lot of the traditions are the same and I also don’t expect him to be Mr. Mom. I am wondering if because of the fact he is 8 years my senior if it bothers him that I will make the same if not more than him right out of college… I don’t know what to do here. I know I love him and I can’t imagine life without him but I don’t know how to fix this
Post # 7
@Bunny82: Thanks, I did try to explian this to him and he said that America belongs to the English and if they don’t want to learn English like the rest have they can leave… Really made me mad. I kind of wonder if he feels threatened by the new world today that is bilingual and connected. He is an old soul he likes letters rather than texts and when he grew up and even went to college everyone around him in his small knit community spoke English…
Post # 8
@LaTortuga: This is not about immigration though. This is about setting your children up for success. Is he going to freak out if your kid goes to a friends house and they watch Dora there? Is he going to freak out if your kid says Gracias or Hola like we English Americans so often do (I’m Scottish so not really English lol)? I think that if his reaction is just a knee jerk NO OTHER LANGUAGES then it might not be the reason he is upset at all. I’d ask him if anything else was the matter and it was just presenting itself in this. I just cannot imagine someone would willingly choose not to set their child up for success when they had the opportunity.
Post # 9
Wow, that’s kind of ridiculous. I agree with you when you say that he sounds like your family members. To be blunt, in my opinion, it sounds like he’s being racist. If my fiance said something like that, I would have a long discussion with him explaining my thoughts on it, my opinion that he is being racist, and ask him where his opinion stems from.
Also, kudos to you for wanting to teach your kids Spanish! As I’m sure you know, that’s the most effective way for children to become bilingual — by hearing one language from one parent, and another language from the other parent. Awesomesauce!
Post # 10
@LaTortuga: also, I just saw your update… “he said that America belongs to the English and if they don’t want to learn English like the rest have they can leave”
Has he ever heard of Native Americans? And is he aware that America does NOT have an official language?
Post # 11
What is pure blood of the homeland?
Also not using protection for the first years of marriage- do you mean not even charting to avoid intercourse during ovulation?
Post # 12
I wish my parents had taught me a second language as a child. Your brain at those ages is much better suited for learning. It has nothing to do with race or ignorance but everything to do with extending your future children’s education. Being fluent in a second language (unless its like… Kilgon) is hugely helpful in the world, especially when there is a growing population in this country of non-English speakers. I think frankly you need to tell him to get over himself and that whenever yall do have kids, you want to and will be teaching them a second language. Not that they won’t be learning both, but that when they are young it is much much easier to learn two.
Post # 13
I am well educated, but unemployed and have been for most of the past 2 years. I live in an area where many of our neighbors are Mexican. If I was fluent in Spanish I would have had a job by now. Many positions that I otherwise qualify for require bilingual applicants. I took Spanish in Jr High School, and am trying to become bilingual.
Post # 14
Yeah that’s a pretty weird ass reaction to your perfectly wonderful idea of having biligual kids. Tell him that you want to raise your kids to be more intelligent than their father lol.
It reminds me of the time I was working at EB games (now gamestop) and they used to sell foreign language PC software among other things. This one lady came in and proudly proclaimed with a sneer that no kid of hers would learn a foreign language. People can be so stupid.
Also, kindly inform your man that America does not belong to the “English”, in fact, we have no national language at all. I wonder where all this ignorance is coming from. You sound like you were pretty surprised by it…has he never acted like this before? I say good on you, and hold your ground.
Post # 15
@Eva Peron: German and I’m Catholic so natural family planning…. Though our honeymoon is during ovulation so…
@Pixie79: i love him, He is very intellegent and I’m sorry I tried not to take offense to what you said but I did. I made my decision to marry him and I am sticking by that. Thus though he may make mistakes it doesn’t make him stupid and i feel as though family has been attacked here so yes i stand up for him. He is my chosen family, my true love.
As for him there is an insecurity because when we talked he felt that everyone but him would be bilingual… I think Im going to try and work with him to help him learn too. Ladies thank you for helping me realize that I am lucky and every relationship, marriage, every couple has thier problems. Communication is key and Though it will take a lot of talking I know that we have the skills to find a solution.
Post # 16
I’m not sure your reason for prefacing this with a statement about your “pure” lineage, but this whole post reeks of racism. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all – your Fiance sounds incredibly ignorant. I also agree that your children would be at a great advantage if you taught them spanish at a young age.
Edit: I just re-read my post and it sounds a little harsh. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend you or your Fiance. I was just a little taken aback by some of the things you wrote.