(Closed) Not sure what to do (may be slightly TMI)

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3452 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

He lost his temper because you want to teach your future children a second language?  That’s odd.  Is he upset because he can’t speak Spanish? 

Post # 4
3763 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Why would he blow up over that? I also studied spanish in school and became pretty fluent and want to speak Spanish to my children so they pick it up. What’s the harm in giving them an opportunity to be naturally bilingual? I mean, it’s not like your interest in spanish is new… you majored in it for goodness sake!!!! Is he okay with you majoring in it? Sounds like he needs to chill out and be a little more open-minded. He sounds insecure.

Post # 5
662 posts
Busy bee

Two things:

1) I’m not sure you illuminated the argument enough.  What he said sounded ignorant of what your intentions were but I’m not sure it would ever lead to an abusive relationship.  If you posted the worst of what he said I think you might be a tad overreacting based on your past experience.


2) My Future Sister-In-Law and her Darling Husband have a similar arrangement with languages.  She speaks to the children in Spanish and he speaks to them in English and they currently learn very well in both.  Maybe you could defend your stance in the logical argument point that Spanish is a very desirable fluency to have today.  A lot of jobs offer bonus pay to those who speak Spanish.  Also anyone having kids now who has an eye for the future will attempt to teach their kids languages that will aid them later on, like Spanish or Mandarin.  Maybe let him know it is a logical thing to do?


Good luck!

Post # 8
662 posts
Busy bee

@LaTortuga:  This is not about immigration though.  This is about setting your children up for success.  Is he going to freak out if your kid goes to a friends house and they watch Dora there?  Is he going to freak out if your kid says Gracias or Hola like we English Americans so often do (I’m Scottish so not really English lol)?  I think that if his reaction is just a knee jerk NO OTHER LANGUAGES then it might not be the reason he is upset at all.  I’d ask him if anything else was the matter and it was just presenting itself in this.  I just cannot imagine someone would willingly choose not to set their child up for success when they had the opportunity.

Post # 9
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow, that’s kind of ridiculous. I agree with you when you say that he sounds like your family members. To be blunt, in my opinion, it sounds like he’s being racist. If my fiance said something like that, I would have a long discussion with him explaining my thoughts on it, my opinion that he is being racist, and ask him where his opinion stems from. 

Also, kudos to you for wanting to teach your kids Spanish! As I’m sure you know, that’s the most effective way for children to become bilingual — by hearing one language from one parent, and another language from the other parent. Awesomesauce!

Post # 10
746 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@LaTortuga:  also, I just saw your update… “he said that America belongs to the English and if they don’t want to learn English like the rest have they can leave”

Has he ever heard of Native Americans? And is he aware that America does NOT have an official language?

Post # 11
7293 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011

What is pure blood of the homeland?

Also not using protection for the first years of marriage- do you mean not even charting to avoid intercourse during ovulation?

Post # 12
5547 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2011

I wish my parents had taught me a second language as a child. Your brain at those ages is much better suited for learning. It has nothing to do with race or ignorance but everything to do with extending your future children’s education. Being fluent in a second language (unless its like… Kilgon) is hugely helpful in the world, especially when there is a growing population in this country of non-English speakers. I think frankly you need to tell him to get over himself and that whenever yall do have kids, you want to and will be teaching them a second language. Not that they won’t be learning both, but that when they are young it is much much easier to learn two. 

Post # 13
7693 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I am well educated, but unemployed and have been for most of the past 2 years.  I live in an area where many of our neighbors are Mexican.  If I was fluent in Spanish I would have had a job by now.  Many positions that I otherwise qualify for require bilingual applicants.  I took Spanish in Jr High School, and am trying to become bilingual. 

Post # 14
272 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Yeah that’s a pretty weird ass reaction to your perfectly wonderful idea of having biligual kids. Tell him that you want to raise your kids to be more intelligent than their father lol.

It reminds me of the time I was working at EB games (now gamestop) and they used to sell foreign language PC software among other things. This one lady came in and proudly proclaimed with a sneer that no kid of hers would learn a foreign language. People can be so stupid.


Also, kindly inform your man that America does not belong to the “English”, in fact, we have no national language at all. I wonder where all this ignorance is coming from. You sound like you were pretty surprised by it…has he never acted like this before? I say good on you, and hold your ground.

Post # 16
1021 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I’m not sure your reason for prefacing this with a statement about your “pure” lineage, but this whole post reeks of racism. I don’t think you’re overreacting at all – your Fiance sounds incredibly ignorant. I also agree that your children would be at a great advantage if you taught them spanish at a young age.

Edit: I just re-read my post and it sounds a little harsh. I’m sorry, I don’t mean to offend you or your Fiance. I was just a little taken aback by some of the things you wrote.

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