Post # 1
Good morning all –
My fiancee and I originally planned to get married April 2014. Some life changes have taken place and we plan to wed on September 14, 2013. We are getting married at a city landmark in NYC with only the 2 of us and an officiant then a personal dinner for just the 2 of us immediately following the ceremony but after that we want to party the night away with our friends.
The problem is we live out of town and most of our guests would have to travel for the party (Northern VA to NYC) so my question is would this wrong/tacky to ask them to come, party and celebrate but not invite them to the ceremony and dinner? This is the part we want to be most intimate and shared only between us but the party aspect we want everyone there.
Any thoughts/feedback/opinions would be super helpful.
Post # 3
I would keep it completely separate – just plan a party that you want people to come to to help you celebrate and don’t mention the rest.
Post # 4
Hm.. How many people are you inviting to the party? I ask because I am wondering if inviting those people to your ceremony would really make it much less intimate..
I am having a small ceremony with immediate family only and BFFs of course (about 15 people). Then later that night we are having a party with about 100 family and friends. Our invites will say join us for our reception so that there are no questions about it.
At first I felt a little awkward inviting people to the reception only and not the actual ceremony but I don’t anymore. The people I care about being there for the actual vows will be there. Most people care more about the reception than the ceremony anyway. However, I couldn’t say I do without my parents and siblings present.. And they wouldn’t be too happy about it either.
It’s really up to you and what you and Fiance want. If you want it to just be the two of you, the do that. Think about yourselves in the future, looking back on your wedding day. would you be happy if you didn’t invite anyone to your ceremony? If not, then who would you definitely want there and who can you do without?
Post # 5
Thank you for your responses.
MxH13 – The answer to your questions is two-fold. I have a group of very close friends (5 in total plus 1 wife that’s cool) that I couldnt imagine getting married without. My fiancee on the other hand has about 4 so in total it would be 12 guests including the 2 of us. I think it could possibly work for us to do the ceremony, dinner and the private area of a club for dancing.
Its all so overwhelming and my better half is not helping because she is so indecisive.
Post # 6
To be honest, if I had to travel that far, I would be a little upset about not being invited to the ceremony. That being said, for a really close friend, I would DEFINITELY travel that far just to party and celebrate with them and I would still enjoy myself and be very happy for the couple.
Post # 7
A lot of people dont go to separate ceremonies anyway….atleast not here in the NJ/NY area so I think it will be okay.
Post # 8
I don’t generally find any kind of invitation to be tacky…wedding related or not, it’s just an invitaiton, not a summons.
Are your friends the type to regularly travel that far for a night of partying? I know I am not…so I personally wouldn’t go that far just to go to a club, even if we are very close. It’s just not ‘worth it’ to me, financially. I think that’s what it comes down to…what your friends are like, and how they usually deal with traveling and nights out.
Post # 9
@CocoClassic: If I have to travel that far just for a party, most likely, I won’t come. But if there is a sit down dinner or some sort, then yes I will come.
Post # 10
Thanks again everyone and that is my issue: how do I genuinely ask my close friends to travel 4 hours to party but not take part in the actual occassion?? Just doesnt sit right with me which is why I’m so confused. Who knew wedding planning was THIS difficult (sigh). The Fiance is totally ok with people traveling just to party but I think its rude which is why I’m in the spot I am now.
Maybe we’ll just elope and have something later on, IF at all.