(Closed) Not sure what to do next…

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

@MissMeeksy:  At this point, I would stop making the effort. It seems like she just isn’t interested. Maybe she isn’t into weddings or maybe she is afraid she may somehow overstep her boundaries. Just continue planning and continue being kind to her. If she tries to make a fuss later remind her of all the times you tried to contact her and she never responded.

Post # 4
Member
485 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

Could you start inviting her to *specific* events?  For example…. I am going to a tasting on Saturday at 11am – I’d love you to go with me.  What time should I pick you up?”  Or something similar.  She may not be comfortable with abstract…which would lend itsself to more superficialness on her part in general.

Will FI’s parents be contributing finanically?  If they will be paying for the rehearsal dinner…. start going to lunch at a prospective venue and ask her to go along. 

She may not be comfortable planning a wedding.  She may not know her boundaries or what you expect of her.  If she has any anxiety at all, she may not be comfortable with a “come talk about planning” because even though it’s not vague to you…. it’s vague to her.

I would also probably have Fiance talk to her…. is she like this in general?  Does he want you to take the bull by the horns?  Etc Etc.

Good Luck.

 

Post # 5
Member
1252 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Maybe I’m old, or old-fashioned, or both, but I never really expected the groom’s parents to be involved in wedding planning.  None of my friend’s MIL’s had any involvement in their weddings other than providing their guest list and hosting the rehearsal dinner.  My Mother-In-Law wasn’t involved in mine, I don’t remember having a single discussion with her about any of our selections.  It doesn’t mean they aren’t interested or excited for you, but I think it just in older generations it is expected that the bride’s parents host the wedding and therefore make all the plans/decisions.  I wouldn’t be offended and unless you are really dying to include her (and be careful what you wish for here, because adding another opinion isn’t always a good thing when it comes to planning weddings).  But maybe start talking to her about the rehearsal dinner, guest lists, and the like to see if she takes an interest in planning that.

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