(Closed) Not sure what to do……

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
532 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

So he has the ring? If he’s had the ring for 2.5 years, I would be wondering “what the heck?” as well. If he bought a ring that long ago, and hasn’t given it to you, I would probably ask him about it. I would start saving my money for first month’s rent on my own place too, just in case. Maybe if he knows that you are plenty cabable of getting along without him, that ring will finely make an appearance.

Post # 4
Member
1566 posts
Bumble bee

First off, don’t get caught in the trap of thinking that “boy meets girl. boy surprises girl with ring, etc” is normal. It’s not at all. How many people do you know that had a perfect engagement and wedding? And even if another couple seems perfect (they got engaged faster, they had a nicer wedding, etc), how many of them are going to be happily married with no issues in 10 or 20 years? Everyone has issues. You just don’t see the other side of them. My Fiance proposed in Prague in a gorgeous secluded garden. Sounds perfect, right? Except that proposal almost didn’t happen because of a fight we had. In real life, you’re not going to get your happy ending without working for it.

Now about your situation, do you mean you’ve been together for 2.5 years or he’s had an engagement ring for you for 2.5 years and still hasn’t given it to you? The latter situation seems a bit off. My other question is, what does he say when you talk about it? Does he have a timeline? Is he waiting for something to happen before proposing? If there is a good reason he’s not proposing it might be worth waiting. 

Finally, if you feel like he’s getting comfortable, can you move out without breaking up? Maybe move in with your parents or a friend? I know someone who did that and the guy proposed within a month. Of course that was a situation where both people knew they wanted to get married, he had just gotten too comfortable and needed the extra push. 

Good luck!

 

Post # 5
Member
191 posts
Blushing bee

(((HUGS))) No good advice for you here, just want you to know that many of us are in the same boat. Just remember that there is no “normal” or “perfect” relationship. And it’s so much harder when you’ve talked it to death….. I know it’s always being thrown around, but really really try mr bee’s plan. Although it hasn’t quite worked for me yet, what it did do is keep me busy, got me out of the house and reconnecting with friends I had been out of touch with since I met SO. I felt like my own person again and I realized that I am more than just a girl who sits around waiting for SO to pop the question.

Mr. Bee’s Three Step Plan (and Backup Plan!) for getting engaged

Even though you don’t want to, it might be a good idea to think about moving out. I too live with my SO and I know that if I haven’t gotten a ring by the time our lease ends over the summer…. it’s time for me to get my own place!! You don’t have to leave him, but just showing him that you are giving yourself space might make him reconsider holding onto that ring for much longer… Good luck hun and remember that the bees are always here if you need an outlet!!

Post # 6
Member
2054 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

Maybe you should have a talk about this…does he know that you know he has the ring? One of the reasons why I dont allow SO to move in with me is just that…the comfort thing. The more his roomates go out and get wasted every night and wake him up…the more he wants to move into my house…roomate free + DVR=heaven for him. And he knows what has to happen before that happens. I dont want to say give him an ultimatum…but just ask for a timeline. Point out what you have pointed out to us…that you think that he is too comfortable…and you can ask why he hasnt proposed yet…and if he doesnt give you a direct answer…then maybe you should talk to him about where the relationship is going…

Post # 8
Member
2513 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

I’m gonna have to agree with Miss Chirpie 100%. Good luck in your decision. You sound like a good person so don’t let him take you for granted.

Post # 9
Member
173 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

hey sunshine i think they jump the gun and get the ring so quick then as time goes by and the nastalga of the relatioship wears off they become either unsure or comfortable.i kn i live with my so and is waiting on a ring maybe almost 2 yrs now.after all the drama he has promised 2010 thats all he’ll give  me.i have good days an bads days .but i am still happy with him i just dont want to be fooled again i kn my heart cant tke it.best of luck

Post # 10
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I would definitely be frustrated knowing he has had the ring for so long and has yet to give it to you. Its definitely hard being in limbo in a relationship and I think you need to set some goals for yourself in terms of where you want to be at a certain point in your life. If he doesn’t feel the same way and if he is not ready then you need to reevaluate your situation and decide what is best for YOU!  Make sure you take care of yourself first, especially if he is not stepping up to the plate. You can’t wait around for him to come to his senses forever. But on the other hand, maybe he is nervous to take the next step because he had a bad experience with his first marriage? Have you thought of that as a possibility? It took my former coworker’s now husband about 6 years to propose because he was nervous getting married for the second time. So if you love him, talk to him again and try to make a decision together.

Post # 11
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

You know, he knows that you will stay with him regardless of whether he asks you or not. The chase is not there and everyone knows that they have to have the chase. My Fiance and I are not living together and to be honest with you I’m going to try to keep it this way until we are married. He has not given me a ring yet, but I know it’s coming because he has scheduled a dinner with my mother and grandmother to ask them for my hand in marriage (my mommy told me! LOL!). So I know with out a doubt that it’s coming… my point is that you are giving waaayyy too much. What is that saying…. If you can get the milk for free, why buy the cow? Anyway, I wouldn’t dare give my all, especially if he’s not yet my husband. Even when I do receive the ring, I’m just going to keep giving him crumbs simply because anything could happen before we get married and I’m not going to give all of myself to a man that is not my husband. I was you, I would accept the GPS(by the way, I got that for my last birthday and I LOVE IT!) and I would have one last conversation about getting engaged and if the conversation didn’t satisfy my need, I would get out of there even if I had to be uncomfortable doing it. ex. move in with my parents or a friend. You are over 30, your time is precious girlfriend. 

Post # 12
Member
81 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Mandiehoward, your approach on relationships is very similar to mine and I think in this day and age people think its old fashioned, as my bf calls it a “fairy-tale” approach but I totally agree with you on everything you said!

Post # 13
Member
1602 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

okay i definately understand about the old fashioned approach, because i would consider myself oldfashioned as well.

i know you’ve talked to him about this, but have you talked about a timeline? i know my bf didn’t want a long engagement (hence why we’re not engaged), so i told him a year minimum, but i don’t know if he’s still planning on that.

like you – you said not 5 years, but did it go through his system or are you just assuming it did?

anyways – best of luck, and keep us updated!

Post # 14
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

MandieHoward is right, until you stop making things so gosh darn comfortable for him he is not going to move forward with anything. YOU are the most important thing and ONLY YOU can take care of yourself.  I’m sorry you don’t have enough money for your own place.  I don’t either and I’m moving in April and I am working all the OT I can and getting roommates and I’m 32!!!  Boyfriend or Best Friend has asked me to move in with him but I told him no not until we are engaged and have a date set and I mean what I say.  I think a good book says let your yes mean yes and your no mean no.

 

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