- 8 years ago
So, I’m really getting beyond simply annoyed with DH’s job. I’ve been saying for a couple years that he is overworked and underpaid. He was transferred to a new location and it seemed to be a little better in terms of his hours being more regular, but it’s getting bad again. He’s on a salary (and a very small one at that), and he is working over time way too much. I’ve been clear since the getgo that I have never, ever wanted a husband that was never home because he was too busy working, even if that meant I had to work in the future when we have kids. It is just not a life I want. Others do it and it works for them, but I’d rather see my husband.
His hours are supposed to be 8-4. A regular 40 hour week. It is now almost 6:30 and he still hasn’t even left work. If this were a one time deal, then it wouldn’t bother me, but he regularly gets to work before 8, and leaving “on time” would be him leaving at 4:30. He rarely leaves before 5 anymore, and again, this wouldn’t bother me as much if he were being PAID for it, but he’s not. Partially this is his fault. He lets the people he works with walk on top of him and give him more and more things to do. He’s not the IT guy/plumber/maintence/fix it/intern supervisor/etc. It was not in his job description and he is not being paid for these things, but for whatever reason he can’t say no. A raise is probably out of the question because it’s a small, nonprofit organization, but seriously. This is becoming a regular thing and I don’t know how much more of this I can take. I don’t know why it bothers me so much because most of the time, even when he gets off of work late, he is still home before me. I will say it definitely impacts our sex life because he is always too tired. We’re lucky if he’s up to it once a week. And I know things are just going to get even worse once he starts grad school in the fall.
I’m really at my wit’s end and I just don’t know what to say to him that I haven’t arleady said to convey the message that this just isnt acceptable. He will say he will work on it, and he might for a couple days or so, but then it just goes back to the same thing. Any advice? I’m really just so angry and frustrated right now. I’m almost tempted to write a letter to his boss and supervisors (they’ve all added me on facebook…) but I know that is going WAY out of my boundries. Plus, like I said, it is partially DH’s fault. They wouldn’t give him so much extra stuff to do if he would say no. They were going to hire a plumber to fix something and he chimes in saying no, he can do it.
I don’t know. I know this sounds stupid from an outside perspective because so many other people work this much (and more), but it bothers me. I don’t want a work aholic husband. I know life isn’t fair, but I’ll say it anyway: it’s just not fair. Sometimes when he works extra, they give him an extra vacation day, but he is so devoted to work and they are so dependant on him that he hates to take any days off. Even if he does, he is constantly on his phone because people are texting/emailing/calling him about work things.
In part I’m just venting here because I want to avoid talking to him about it when he gets home because he is obviously going to be tired (and who wants to come home to an angry spouse anyway?), but I’m really about to lose my cool. Any advice on how to put on my happy face when he gets home? I know he’s had a bad day too. I just want to be supportive of him because I know it’s not easy for him either, but I really just feel like crying because I’ve had it.