- 9 years ago
- Wedding: March 2012
I should put this in emotional, but since we are a same sex coupld, I decided to write it here. I am worried that my lover, J, does not want to get married. In face, she told me she didn’t.
Let’s do some background. J and I have an awesome relationship. We can go out and do our own things and then come home to each other. J met a new friend who is our hair stylist, J plays on her softball team, and J and her work at werid times so they hang out during the day. Let’s call this girl “R”.
I have no problem with J and R hanging out or playing softball, but I should have listened to my bubbling jealousy. J told me her and R cuddled on the pulled out futon while watching a movie. J said they are just friends and I believed her, but kept thinking, I don’t cuddle with my friends when watching movies!
Anyway fast forward to yesterday, J and I were at the park and she tells me that she is in a funk. She says she is scared to get married and is not sure if she wants to do it. She said she has been thinking about going to counseling to figure out what the “funk” is about. I thought it was a good idea. I mean, who isn’t scared to “take the plunge”?
Then J brough R in to the equation. J said that she wants to be lusted after and looked at with love in their eyes. She wants someone who reacts to her touch…..like R does. Of course my brain says “WTF?” and I prodded for more information.
J tells me that her and R were dancing at a bar and R seemed so excited to be in her arms and was moaning to J touching her. J said I don’t do that anymore. J said we barely have sex and she does not feel like I want her sexually. J said I don’t touch her anymore and she really wants me to.
A little background: J and I fight over sex A LOT. J always wants it and I don’t. I want it to mean something when we do it rather than us fighting over and it turns in to pity sex.
Anyway, my brother and sister in law were in town do I didn’t have a chance to really think about it. When I was driving to work today it all hit me. We have been engaged for 2 years and I started planning the wedding last November. We have booked a photographer, a venue, and a DJ. I have my dress being made. my parents are super pumped about the upcoming wedding and I have have been super excited too. I was planning on sending out Save the Date emails this weekend. It seemed like it was all moving right along and I was dreaming about dancing with her at our wedding, and kissing her for our first kiss, and having kids with her, etc.
So I started bawling in the car. I have had a hard time keeping the tears in at work today, but I am trying.
J and I talked for a little while yesterday and she is on the defensive. Kind of being a bitch about how I don’t listen to her and how I need to do what she wants (the touching thing)….
I just don’t know where to go with this. We rent a house together. We have multiple animals, shared bank accounts, and all the things you get when you move in together.
Any advice? I am just at a loss and kind of numb