(Closed) not sure what to do…..we might call it off

posted 9 years ago in LGBTQ
Post # 17
Member
133 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

I am so sorry to hear that you are going threw this, hearts my heart to hear a fellow lgbt member is having problems. ๐Ÿ™

I am glad that you were able to talk to her and at least voice how you feel and for her to listen to you and respond.

I have sadly been in the same exact situation with my partner of 7 years. We were having small issues ( sex, closeness related )  before the big blow up which lead her to want to speak to someone else as a friend. Well i was not to fond of the fact that she wanted to hang out and experience life with a new lady, i was furious. they hung out watched movies, all the things people who are getting to know eachother do and some first date type of settings. I was fine with it at first no issues but i started to notice beacause she was hanging out with her new friend that our fights seemed to get bigger and meaner ( i think the other girl was poking and prodding her instigating i believe) as she was not being her normal self.

I sat down and spoke to her and explained to her why i felt threatened, ect which led to her asking to break up with me because she wanted to experience life. I reminded her that we have been together for ages, same place we live in, ect and i told her i am in no mood to play games and i do want you playing wit my heart beacuse she does not know what she wants.  

i told her right then and there that it was going to be her or me, she said if she could be friends with the other girl and i said no for obvious reasons.

She called the girl right then and there in front of me and on speaker phone and said that i did not want her to talk to the lady friend, and that i didnt like them hanging out ect. The girl on the phone was like that bitch, i dont like her, you have a lame girlfriend, why are you shoosing her over me blah blah blah.

Long story short i handled it the best way i knew to handle it, i wish i was able to say lets go to counseling so i think you are making a good step forward with the counseling sessions and i really hope that it works out for you.

From one LGBT to another feel free to message me if you ever need a shoulder to cry on or talk to im more than happy to help.

Post # 18
Member
341 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

Wow!! I think she is really “out” of the relationship. Especially when she tells you in such detail how great R is. I think is very disrespectful of her to tell you that. She is hurting you more because even though R is “perfect” she is still with you!

I understand your pain, but if I were you I would call it off. She told you loud and clear. Don’t go through with it if the relationship continues like this. Couples counseling might help, but you will be better off without her.

Post # 19
Member
110 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Oh noo!! I’m sorry that this is happening!

I was once in your shoes, I was cheated on by my partner and are still trying to figure us out. Trust is a major part of any relationship, and if she isn’t ready to get married, she probably wont change her mind. Would she more interested about the wedding if “R” wasn’t in the picture?

Id ask “J” for the truth, what has happened between them two. It’s such a sore spot, and I know you’re upset ๐Ÿ™  my heart broke when I found out she cheated on me. I was even admitted to the hospital for depression and we seperated for months. You’ll get over this hump, and just because you don’t have sex that doesn’t mean you don’t love her, and if she doesn’t know that then tell her. My partner isn’t a huge sex fan and I want it all the time, but we manage to work it out to a good middle.

Let me know if you need anything ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 20
Member
117 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I really hope the counselling goes well for you, this is a hard place to be right before you are supposed to be getting married. Good luck.

Post # 21
Member
7581 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

This sounds terrible and I’m so sorry. 

Perhaps J just isn’t ready or perhaps your relationship is no longer the same. I had a civil union and was with my ex for 7 years.  We too began to fight about sex quite often.  She didn’t and I did. I may get backlash for this comment, but for me no sex or physical contact meant we were friends and roomates no longer wives.  Our relationship moved into the friend zone. At that point I started seeking out attention from others that wasn’t the friendship kind. I wanted and needed to feel attractive and wanted by others because I was no longer getting that at home.  I didn’t cheat on her, but I flirted more than what was appropriate, but slowly we grew apart and eventually seperated and divorced.  It sounds like J is in the same boat that I was.

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