(Closed) Not sure what to feel……….

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 17
Member
2567 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Would you consider putting some of your own money towards the ring and ending up with a bigger budget that way?  I know on one hand, it’s far more common for the ring to be a gift from the groom to the bride as they agree to marry, but if what you want is out of your budget AND he’s not trying to surprise you with the proposal, I don’t see how kicking in some of you own money towards it would be a bad thing.

Post # 18
Member
590 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Financial prudence is a virtue. Miserliness is not. You guys are young and you have your whole lives to build a nest egg together. The ring you want won’t break the bank, and there are things in life besides a huge savings account. I think he’s being stingy.

Have you looked into lab-created sapphires? They might provide a cheaper alternative to natural stones, and they’re absolutely gorgeous.

Post # 21
Member
3108 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@anonymous7890:  Whoa, you changed your degree for him? Just make sure that the potential job you can get with the degree is worth it — trust me, working a job/working in a field you can’t stand is absolutely miserable.

Post # 22
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

Dear Anonymous,

I think that after being together for 5 years and your boyfriend is your best friend that he should know you well enough to know what’s important to you.  I think a wedding ring is very important.  It’s a symbol of the commitment and circle of love that you have for each other.  I disagree that it’s not a big deal or to compromise. In life, you’ll have plenty of compromising to do.  If you start by compromising this early on something that’s obviously important to you, what’s he going to make you compromise on later?  

They don’t change. People don’t change in general.  He needs to see your side of this now and be more empathetic to how you feel.  I’m all about saving for your future, having a courthouse wedding or whatever..but a ring?  Really?  $3000.00 is not all that much for a ring.  I paid that for my daughter’s wedding dress and trust me, I’m not rich.  She is only getting married once, to the man of her dreams and I think she should have the dress of her dreams.  Now I had a figure and I compromised a little on it and went over by $1000.00 but I would do it again to see the smile on her face when she stepped into that dress on her wedding day.  Love can’t be measured in dollars and cents but if this is your one wish, you should have it. 

Post # 24
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

@anonymous7890:  No that’s ridiculous!  Wrong wrong wrong way to think darling.  He should not make you or want you to change your major to make more money.  

Post # 25
Member
3 posts
Wannabee

@anonymous7890:  Petting the dog is a great idea.  Right now your boyfriend has not impressed me with his selfish attitude.  Seriously!

 

Post # 26
Member
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@anonymous7890:  I see both sides of the story, but I think he is discrediting your feelings a bit too much.

If you were asking for a $20K ring I would say be a bit more responsible, but $3K doesn’t sound like it would be a huge stretch for you guys.

I would try to explain to him why it’s so important to you. At least come to some sort of compromise… like you will marry with plain silver bands, but in a year (or whenever), he will buy you that dream ring.

Practicality is only good to a certain point. I don’t think wanting a nice engagement ring is being materialistic.

I think you need to have the bigger conversation, like if you eventually want to have the granite countertops in your house, if he’d think that would be materialistic. Or if you want to buy a Coach bag. You know what I mean? Like is he a cheapskate? That could be bad. If he is happy to upgrade when there’s more money then fine, but I’d just be on the same page regarding financial expectations. It’s better than being w. a guy who sucks with money, but it’s not fun being w. a tightwad either.

Post # 28
Member
1022 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

There are tons of gorgeous diamond rings on Etsy or websites like Catbird jewelry that are 1500 or 1000 $ or less.

Post # 30
Member
8066 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

@anonymous7890:  You keep talking about everything he wants.  You should get some of what you want too. COMPROMISE!

Post # 31
Member
6317 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: December 2013

@anonymous7890:  I think the point here is that you need to stand up for yourself a little more.

It’s great that he’s practical.. the part I don’t like is him implying that things you would like are not smart purchases. Some of my favorite things in life are completely frivolous… but you know what? They make me happy.

He sounds like a logical, fairly reasonable guy… and he needs to know that happy wife = happy life lol.

I assume since you’re in school you’re not making a huge wage. I think that you need to discuss that when you do start earning a living, you can keep X percent of your wage as fun money. Life isn’t worth living (to me anyway) if all your pay has to go on the necessities or into savings. I’m not talking about a huge amount of money, but it sounds to me like you’re bending over backwards for this guy. I also don’t like how he doesn’t help out in the house… but that’s another issue.

He is the one in the wrong here. You’re not asking for much. If you compromise this much this early on in the relationship, what happens in the future? Don’t get into this habit now.

I don’t think you should shut up about the ring and I think you should be allowed to go shopping when you damn well please.

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