(Closed) Not sure what to feel……….

posted 9 years ago in Rings
Post # 32
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with the PPs – a .5 carat sapphire or ruby wouldn’t cost anywhere near $3000!

Anyway, is there any reason why you want to get married right after you graduate? Why not take the time to save up money, live on your own for a while and figure out post-grad life first? That way, you can get the ring you want without worrying as much about the cost.

Post # 34
Member
3073 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@mommytobee:  +1

She should have a ring, but $3000 is a crapload for a student to spend. But the bf needs to get down off of his uncompromising high horse in deciding what how their future money will be spent.

I say this being myself very financially conservative and being someone who rolls her eyes at the often unrealistic pricey expectations laid out on this WB site.

If the girl needs a pretty ring (she said “my style” more important than price) then that girl deserve a ring.

But secretly I am happy that the bf is financially conservative, it’s a good place to start. He  just needs to bend a bit.

Post # 35
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m kind of confused here. Is he saying he won’t buy you the ring? Or he won’t buy you the ring until he gets a job?

If it’s the former, then you two need to have a serious talk about why this is important to you. Remind him that relationships require compromise and sometimes he will have to do things that seem silly to him because they are important to you.

If it’s the latter, then I agree with him that in this uncertain economy, it’s best not to spend money unless you absolutely have to. You have 2 choices in this case (1) have a quiet courthouse wedding with no ring (2) wait on engagement until he gets a job and can buy the ring.

Post # 38
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@anonymous7890:  You can buy the ring whenever you want. It will still be a treasured gift and a symbol of your marriage 🙂

Unemployment is scary. It’s impossible to predict how long he would need to live on his savings while looking for work. It’s not easy, but part of growing up is learning to be financially responsible and delaying some of your “wants” until you can truly afford them.

Post # 39
Member
2187 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

Do YOU want to quietly get married or have a wedding (even a small simple one). Do YOU want a silent engagement? A marriage should be what the BOTH of you want. Just not what HE thinks you should do!

No offense – but from what you described he is WAY more materialistic than you!

 

Post # 40
Member
1741 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

It sounds like everything goes HIS way, OP.

That is not good at all. Shouldn’t he want to please YOU occasionally?

Post # 41
Member
450 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@anonymous7890:  Do you get what you want in other areas? It sounds like you are giving in a lot and he is not compromising. And on some very important things. He really should not have a damn thing to say about your major. And if you want to go to the mall, you should go to the mall!

Just make sure you are getting what you need and want from him. Don’t always give in.

Post # 43
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

@anonymous7890:  I don’t think it’s materialistic to say that a traditional engagment and wedding are important to you. When you talk to him, make sure you don’t focus on the ring itself. Instead emphasize that the traditions are important to you and you would be really sad to miss out on them by doing a quiet wedding immediately after graduation. Honestly, I think waiting to get married seems like the best compromise in this situation and I hope he will see that too.

Post # 44
Member
2360 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@anonymous7890:  Waiting until he can afford the ring to get married isn’t materialistic – it’s responsible. I think it’s best to wait to get married until you both have significant savings – enough that if one of you is out of work for a few months, you can survive on one income plus savings. If he’s uncomfortable with the amount of money that he has, it’s quite fair for him to want to wait longer for marriage. 

Post # 45
Member
1513 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Girl don’t get hung up on the ring. You & your man want to get hitched, omg that’s so exciting! You’re gonna start a life together!! My Mother-In-Law got an engagement BLENDER. 15 years later she got a gorgeous ring, and they’ve now had 40 years of wedded bliss.

A traditional enagagement REALLY isn’t vital to the relationship, & it has no bearing on your marital happiness/success. Long-term financial planning, on the other hand? That matters.

I second PP’s calling BS on the ring = how he “treasures” you. Plenty of ladies get gorgeous rings & end up divorced or in missable marriages.

It also sounds like you might be a tad inflexible. Does it have to be your dream ring or nothing? Why not consider more financially-sound alternatives? Or an anniversary ring later? Of COURSE you can get an “engagement” ring after you’re married! Tons of ladies do it.

As an aside, yeah teaching is a thankless, horribly-paying job which a shockingly high percentage of people run from within their first 5 years (for good reason). If you escaped that career, yay you!

Post # 46
Member
684 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2012

I wouldn’t have been turned off teaching for anyone. I love my job. I work long hours and in the ‘holidays’ too, all with people telling me how good I have it but I don’t care. I do have it good. I have 60 three year olds to care for over the day. 60 chances every day to make the world a little bit better. Hearing parents say how their children have started getting up early and running to school since I started fills me with more joy than anything. 

Not everyone is lucky enough to love their job, be sure that YOU get a say, it’s seems sad to change your dreams for something like money. 

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