(Closed) Not sure what to think about my MOH

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I think maybe she is just waiting or maybe its a smaller wedding and will just do her sister. 


You are being a great friend by supporting her anyways!  Maybe you can still help her get ready on the day of!

Post # 4
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Maybe she is just waiting to ask you. I didn’t ask my bridesmaids right away & my Maid/Matron of Honor was asked last (actually a full month after everyone else) because I wanted to ask her in a special way. 

Post # 5
889 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015 - Diplomat Country Club

@PinkAndPearls2013: I would just ask her, if she’s your best friends i don’t think she’ll take offense to you asking. My best friend just assume she was a bridesmaid, since she is already god mother to my daughter i didn’t have to officially tell her that but she was like you also wondering and was surprise when i told her “yeah you need to by your bridesmaid dress..” she was like oh you never officially told me if i was or not i was like “oh duh of course you are sorry didn’t think to officially tell you” lol it was my mistake i just figured of course she is in my bridal party but she thought since i have a big family i would just use my cousins smh.

Just ask 

Post # 6
1720 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

It’s still pretty far away! I didn’t ask until 7 months out  because I was trying to find the perfect way to ask!

Post # 7
456 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I am sure she is planning to do something special. I would give her another month. Then talk to her about it so that you can start making plans to save money to be in the wedding if necessary. Being in a wedding is a lot for someone, and you need time to prepare. Give one more month and then SWEETLY inquire about it. Just be gentle if you do, you dont want to upset her and loose a friendship over it. Remember, it is about her. It’s her wedding. Be supportive and let her decide on this one

Post # 8
1202 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I wouldn’t take it personally if she hasn’t asked you to be involved in her wedding. After all, her wedding is still a year away and maybe she is still thinking about who she wants to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids. If the two of you are close, I am pretty sure she will ask you to be either her Maid/Matron of Honor or a bridesmaid! 🙂 I would just be a good friend, support her, and help her plan. Things will fall into place. Cool

Post # 9
11233 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

She might be waiting until closer to the wedding–a lot of people on here will tell you not to ask until 6-9 months out from the wedding. I asked right away, but most of my Wedding Party is out of town. I’m also not in my MOH’s wedding at all. She lives in another city and has a bunch of close friends, a sister, and then our mutual bff. She told me right away that she was sad that I couldn’t be in her wedding, but that she had too many people to choose from and that she knew I would take not being in the wedding much better than our mutual bff. I got over it pretty quickly (she isn’t actively planning anyway), and being a Maid/Matron of Honor is pretty expensive.

Post # 11
3885 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Honestly I wouldn’t worry, even if I wasn’t ever asked to be in the wedding party. There are so many different factors that go into choosing the bridal party; for all you know, she’s reluctant to ask you, knowing that you’ll have just spent a ton of money on your own wedding, and she doesn’t want you to have to bear the costs of being a bridesmaid. Or she’s facing pressure from her family or her Fi’s family to include some cousins or some other family members. Or a dozen other things.

Her choosing or not choosing to include you in the bridal party should not be seen as a statement to how “good” your friendship is, nor should the amount of time required for her to extend an invite (if ever).  Just sit back and let her enjoy planning her wedding the way she wants to plan it, accept whatever decisions she makes, and support your friend in whatever role you find yourself in— even if that role is simply “guest.”

I would say, though, don’t get your hopes up for some elaborate over-the-top Be My Bridesmade invitation; those things seem to be a product of the ‘bee and reality TV more than anything, and you risk spending your entire time together over-analyzing everything she does for something that may or may not live up to your expectations.

Post # 12
4687 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY

Some may not agree… but wouldn’t you rather be a guest than be shouldered with the burden of being a bridesmaid in her wedding?!

Post # 13
3697 posts
Sugar bee

There could be any number of things going:

– she might be planning on having you in the wedding party, but debating whether to ask you to be Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor (maybe she’s thinking of having 2 Maid/Matron of Honor, her sister and you?)

– she might simply be waiting to ask you when she sees you in person over the holidays

– she might be planning something kind of elaborate to ask you

– as PPs have noted, she might be keeping things extremely small, or there might be family members (on her side and/or her FI’s side) that need to be asked, etc.

Whatever it is, and as hard as it is, I would advise NOT asking. It’s going to sound a little bit presumptuous no matter what.

Post # 14
137 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Well my bestfriend and I have the same relationship you do with yours. We live in two different countries and have since we left highschool. But now I have a lot of friends who are close to me although I would not necessarily call them best friends. So now I’m planning my wedding and a lot of them are expecting to be bridesmaids but I cant have everyone be a bridesmaid I dont want the hassle and I am having a small wedding with limited funds so my sister is going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and I’m not having any bridesmaids so maybe your best friend is doing the same thing but she should at least tell you and explain it. I have done with that with my best friend so that it doesnt cause any problems in our relationship.

Post # 15
6741 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: June 2014

@PinkAndPearls2013:  She’s either waiting, undecided about who to pick for Maid/Matron of Honor, undecided about her bridal party, or something along those lines.  My BFF asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor right after she got engaged, but I’ve been engaged for a month and I still haven’t made the decision on whether I’ll even be doing a Maid/Matron of Honor at all.  Don’t worry about it – people do things on their own time!

Post # 16
1460 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

You really can’t base the status of a friendship on whether or not your best friend asks you to be in her wedding.  A friendship is stronger than that.  🙂

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