Post # 1
My best friend and I have been friends since middle school. Even though we both went off to college and don’t even live in the same state anymore, just about every time I go back (she still lives within an hour of where we grew up) we hang out and it’s like no time has past. I chose her as my maid of honor and even asked her long before I was actually engaged. Then when I finally did get engaged I couldn’t wait to tell her! I called her immediately and asked “officially” for her to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. She was and still is so excited and supportive even though I’m planning from afar.
Well a couple weeks ago, she got engaged which we both knew was coming. We had been talking about it for a while. She had even gone out and gotten her dress before I did! We talked about how exciting it would be to plan our weddings together. So when she finally got her ring I congratulated her and was genuinely excited. I know she is super close with her sister so I expected her to the Maid/Matron of Honor but it has been several weeks and she still hasn’t asked me to be a bridesmaid. I guess I just assumed that she woud ask considering we are best friends and she is my Maid/Matron of Honor. I know I shouldn’t assume things but how could I help it. She is planning for a December 2013 wedding. Booked her venue, got her dress, and has been talking to my brother about him doing the photography. Still nothing. And it’s driving me up the wall! I am still going to help her plan no matter what bc I love her and she is my best friend but I just feel a little upset about it.
Do you think she is just waiting? Or maybe she only plans on having her sister? What if our friendship isn’t as happy as I think it is and I’m living in my own little la-la land?
Post # 3
I think maybe she is just waiting or maybe its a smaller wedding and will just do her sister.
You are being a great friend by supporting her anyways! Maybe you can still help her get ready on the day of!
Post # 4
Maybe she is just waiting to ask you. I didn’t ask my bridesmaids right away & my Maid/Matron of Honor was asked last (actually a full month after everyone else) because I wanted to ask her in a special way.
Post # 5
- Wedding: September 2015 - Diplomat Country Club
@PinkAndPearls2013: I would just ask her, if she’s your best friends i don’t think she’ll take offense to you asking. My best friend just assume she was a bridesmaid, since she is already god mother to my daughter i didn’t have to officially tell her that but she was like you also wondering and was surprise when i told her “yeah you need to by your bridesmaid dress..” she was like oh you never officially told me if i was or not i was like “oh duh of course you are sorry didn’t think to officially tell you” lol it was my mistake i just figured of course she is in my bridal party but she thought since i have a big family i would just use my cousins smh.
Post # 6
It’s still pretty far away! I didn’t ask until 7 months out because I was trying to find the perfect way to ask!
Post # 7
I am sure she is planning to do something special. I would give her another month. Then talk to her about it so that you can start making plans to save money to be in the wedding if necessary. Being in a wedding is a lot for someone, and you need time to prepare. Give one more month and then SWEETLY inquire about it. Just be gentle if you do, you dont want to upset her and loose a friendship over it. Remember, it is about her. It’s her wedding. Be supportive and let her decide on this one
Post # 8
I wouldn’t take it personally if she hasn’t asked you to be involved in her wedding. After all, her wedding is still a year away and maybe she is still thinking about who she wants to be her Maid/Matron of Honor and bridesmaids. If the two of you are close, I am pretty sure she will ask you to be either her Maid/Matron of Honor or a bridesmaid! 🙂 I would just be a good friend, support her, and help her plan. Things will fall into place.
Post # 9
She might be waiting until closer to the wedding–a lot of people on here will tell you not to ask until 6-9 months out from the wedding. I asked right away, but most of my Wedding Party is out of town. I’m also not in my MOH’s wedding at all. She lives in another city and has a bunch of close friends, a sister, and then our mutual bff. She told me right away that she was sad that I couldn’t be in her wedding, but that she had too many people to choose from and that she knew I would take not being in the wedding much better than our mutual bff. I got over it pretty quickly (she isn’t actively planning anyway), and being a Maid/Matron of Honor is pretty expensive.
Post # 10
You are probably right. It’s still a year away and I haven’t seen her in person since she got engaged but we will be hanging out when I go home for christmas so we’ll see what happens.
Post # 11
Honestly I wouldn’t worry, even if I wasn’t ever asked to be in the wedding party. There are so many different factors that go into choosing the bridal party; for all you know, she’s reluctant to ask you, knowing that you’ll have just spent a ton of money on your own wedding, and she doesn’t want you to have to bear the costs of being a bridesmaid. Or she’s facing pressure from her family or her Fi’s family to include some cousins or some other family members. Or a dozen other things.
Her choosing or not choosing to include you in the bridal party should not be seen as a statement to how “good” your friendship is, nor should the amount of time required for her to extend an invite (if ever). Just sit back and let her enjoy planning her wedding the way she wants to plan it, accept whatever decisions she makes, and support your friend in whatever role you find yourself in— even if that role is simply “guest.”
I would say, though, don’t get your hopes up for some elaborate over-the-top Be My Bridesmade invitation; those things seem to be a product of the ‘bee and reality TV more than anything, and you risk spending your entire time together over-analyzing everything she does for something that may or may not live up to your expectations.
Post # 12
- Wedding: June 2013 - Upstate NY
Some may not agree… but wouldn’t you rather be a guest than be shouldered with the burden of being a bridesmaid in her wedding?!
Post # 13
There could be any number of things going:
– she might be planning on having you in the wedding party, but debating whether to ask you to be Bridesmaid or Best Man or Maid/Matron of Honor (maybe she’s thinking of having 2 Maid/Matron of Honor, her sister and you?)
– she might simply be waiting to ask you when she sees you in person over the holidays
– she might be planning something kind of elaborate to ask you
– as PPs have noted, she might be keeping things extremely small, or there might be family members (on her side and/or her FI’s side) that need to be asked, etc.
Whatever it is, and as hard as it is, I would advise NOT asking. It’s going to sound a little bit presumptuous no matter what.
Post # 14
Well my bestfriend and I have the same relationship you do with yours. We live in two different countries and have since we left highschool. But now I have a lot of friends who are close to me although I would not necessarily call them best friends. So now I’m planning my wedding and a lot of them are expecting to be bridesmaids but I cant have everyone be a bridesmaid I dont want the hassle and I am having a small wedding with limited funds so my sister is going to be my Maid/Matron of Honor and I’m not having any bridesmaids so maybe your best friend is doing the same thing but she should at least tell you and explain it. I have done with that with my best friend so that it doesnt cause any problems in our relationship.
Post # 15
@PinkAndPearls2013: She’s either waiting, undecided about who to pick for Maid/Matron of Honor, undecided about her bridal party, or something along those lines. My BFF asked me to be her Maid/Matron of Honor right after she got engaged, but I’ve been engaged for a month and I still haven’t made the decision on whether I’ll even be doing a Maid/Matron of Honor at all. Don’t worry about it – people do things on their own time!
Post # 16
You really can’t base the status of a friendship on whether or not your best friend asks you to be in her wedding. A friendship is stronger than that. 🙂