Post # 1
Need your opinions bees! Sorry this is a little long!
Tomorrow I will be attending a wedding shower for my husband’s cousin. Since I am 11W today, my husband’s aunt (the bride’s Mom) and his other cousin (the bride’s sister) have suggested that I announce my pregnancy to the rest of the family at this shower. This is really the only time the family will be together for a while, until the actual wedding of course.
My initial reaction was “OMG NO!” – I totally don’t want to feel like I am taking away from the bride’s day by announcing my news. Both his aunt and other cousin have insisted that the bride wouldn’t care and that it’s not a big deal because it’s her shower, and not her actual wedding day. I just still feel weird about it and I really don’t want to step on anyone’s toes! The bride’s sister suggested that to make me feel better maybe I should talk to the bride beforehand and ask her if she would mind…but I feel like…that would be really putting her on the spot and I think it would put her in an awkward position.
On the other hand, they all sort of know that we were trying so I feel like I will be getting a lot of questions anyways and if someone asks how TTC is going I don’t want to lie and not tell them I’m already pregnant. If I was only 4 or 5 weeks I wouldn’t mind keeping my mouth shut but we are close to 2nd tri and will be telling everyone else in a few weeks anyways.
I feel like my pregnant brain is blowing this all out of proportion in my mind but I just don’t know what to do LOL
What would you bees do?
Post # 3
Please do not announce this at the cousins shower. Yes I know people will say “she only gets one day”, but it’s her shower. Let her enjoy the day.
Post # 4
I have a friend whose cousin did tell her family about her pregnancy at her actual wedding reception. She was cool and level headed about it. It’s hard to avoid it at a gathering like that when you’re not drinking. I would try to get through it without announcing it to the family, but if it comes out it comes out.
Post # 5
I wouldn’t announce at the shower. I would wait and just tell everyone over the next week.
Post # 6
I would try to wait if you can. I agree that the bride probably won’t be able to tell you not to announce even if you asked her honest opinion beforehand, so that would just put her in an awkward position where she felt pressured to say it was ok. I think it’s nice of you to consider her feelings.
Post # 7
Will the family members be around after the shower? Like for dinner or drinks that night or breakfast the next day or something? Maybe you and your DH can bring that up and plan it. That would be a better time to tell, not during her shower, but after it’s over I think would be fine. Let her have her couple hours of spotlight b/c she deserves that time to celebrate her joy, and then you can announce your news later that day or the next. GL!
Post # 8
I agree that it would be nice not to tell everyone at her shower. I know it’s not her wedding day, but she only gets a few events that are all about her (like the shower and bachelorette party). Let her enjoy her day!
Post # 9
I agree with most PP. While it’s convenient that everyone is together, I don’t think it’s very appropriate. Looking back, I probably would’ve been a little bit upset if someone did that at one of my wedding events. I agree with someone that maybe after–if most of the important people are still together, or the next day. Good luck! It sure is a hard secret to keep!
Post # 10
I wouldn’t announce. One of my bridesmaid was TTC right before the wedding (everyone knew she was TTC, she even told male friends who didn’t care to know). When she got her BFP at around 2 weeks, she called to tell the girls and informed us she wanted to wait until a little later to announce to everyone else, specifically, she wanted to wait until 5 weeks pregnant to announce (I.e. my wedding date). Honestly, I was a bit perturbed, but got over it quickly. When she started telling people at the wedding, all people really thought, commented on and discussed was how rude it was. It didn’t distract from my and DH’s day, but it made her look bad. A year and half later, some still occasionally comment on it. I’m not saying that she, or you, are intentionally timing it over someone else’s occasion, but that is how it may look.
My vote is if you can do it privately (i.e. call the relatives close to you) on your time, that will be much better recieved than telling at an event for someone else.
Post # 11
I +1 to everyone saying no to announcing it at the shower.
Post # 12
I would have been extremely upset if someone had done this at my shower…
Post # 13
Absolutely do not announce at her shower. This is a party being thrown in someone else’s honour. If you announce this, then as a PP mentioned, all people will probably talk about is how they can’t believe you did that at her shower.
Post # 14
Thank you all for your honest opinions! I’m glad I’m not the only one who felt like it would be wrong to do that.
His family has insisted that it’s “no big deal” but I said the same thing…I would not have been happy if someone had done that at my shower.
I just needed to get some ladies’ opinions who are outsiders and you gals really helped to solidify my decision to keep my biz to myself!
Post # 15
- Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL
@mrsjroo: Absolutely not. Never announce something like that when it’s someone else’s day to be the center of attention.
Post # 16
My SIL annouced at my engagement party. Yes she was around 11 wks, but everyones reaction was “really? thats kind of effing rude to piggy back off of someone elses party”.
I personally didnt care because i was excited for her, but thats what you will look like to everyone else. Just annouce it seperately.