Post # 1
So yesterday I posted about my 9 year engagement and I was going to give my fiance 2 more years to have committed. I got the answer I knew was coming from the responses posted, he needs to commit or shove off and let someone else commit if that’s what I chose from the responses, which was how I was kinda feeling anyways.
I love him (& our family dearly), it’s not a lack of love for him but I honestly have to admit I want more than just a fiance status for the rest of our lives. We have sat down and talked last night and he just refuses to commit and I really have to admit, I waited until he went to bed and bawled. It was what I was afraid of, he “loves our family” but not wiling to commit to me. I want that commitment and he doesn’t so we are both on different life paths apparently and I don’t think I can be happy to continue on the way we are. I’m now stuck with the decision of leaving and starting over with someone else or just never be completely satisfied with my current relationship.
I have spent the day weighing pros and cons and I really don’t know what I am going to do yet. Hopefully over the next couple of days I can clarify my thoughts and figure it out, in the meantime I have been keeping to myself and trying to keep up the status quo.
Post # 3
I think the reason you arn’t getting any replies is that people are thinking the same thing we were on the first post.
If you want marriage and he’s not willing… there’s really only one choice.
But i’m also confused as to why he’s refusing. 3 kids and 9 years is commitment to me. I’m a strong believer in actions over words. So his actions are showing you he’s commited, but his words are not. I think couples counselling may be needed to find out why he’s refusing.
Saying all that….. the cheating of 2006 makes me nervous. How do you know he’s still not cheating and doesn’t want to make it legal so that when he gets caught it won’t be as messy?
At the end of the day, only you know what you can live with. What’s right for you and your girls.
Post # 4
@evergoingtobemrs: Yeah I guess i need more of an understanding as to WHY exactly he is refusing. Does he some moral standing against marriage? Doesnt believe in the political aspect? got to be something.
If he has some sort of reasoning (even though it may not make sense to us) then I think you need to decide if you are truly happy with him and if you can sacrifice a wedding to be with the one you love. 9 years and a family does seem pretty committed to me.
Did he ever say this before? or you were always under the intention of getting married?