(Closed) Not sure where to go from here…wedding called off

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
243 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

You can elope!!! Go to Hawaii, buy a wedding package where they’ll do everything for you and get married and have your honeymoon then and there. I recommend some thought to if you really want to marry your SO. I know fights happen but you want to resolve those issues before talking about marriage. I hope things work out in a low-stress way!

Post # 4
Member
963 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I’m sorry you’re feeling so hurt by your family’s actions. I think you should try to cut them some slack though. If I’m reading right, this is the 4th time you’re telling them you’re getting married to you FH and 7th time ever. Why not make it an intimate wedding of just you, FH, and your kids? You can even do it on the same date.

Post # 5
Member
706 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

@SummerSnow:  I’m sorry to hear this. It sounds like it might be time to elope, honestly. Especially with another kid on the way.

I’m going to be straightforward here–I don’t think it’s fair to fault your families for moving on with their lives after they’d been told that the wedding was off. Yes, it sucks that they did it so soon. But breakups can be tough on the families involved, not just the couple, so maybe that’s why both families made other plans for that weekend (though I do wish that your mother had invited you on the cruise with her!). I get the sentimental importance of dates, but in reality that pales in comparison to the fact that you and your fiance are going to make this huge commitment to each other. Your lives are already so intertwined, it seems like marriage is just a formality at this point (and a promise to each other that you’ll stay together even during your next big fight).

If you’d like to marry each other on the significant date, go ahead and do it. If you want to celebrate with friends and family, you can have a reception at a later date. If your family being present at your wedding is more important to you than the date, maybe give up the venue and have a simple, intimate backyard wedding? Just throwing some ideas out there.

For what it’s worth, my mother (who has been legally married four separate times–three of which were to my father, but we won’t get into that) said that her best wedding by far was her simplest–done at a courthouse, without family present–because it was all about her and her husband and their vows to each other. I understand the desire to have your friends & family present for your day, but if it will be more stress and money than it’s worth, it is completely possible to have a no-frills wedding that is simple and meaningful. Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
427 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@SummerSnow:  WOW this is awful! I would not love to be going through this right now! Big *hugs* to you!!
I would say your best option right now is to do a glam elopement session, look at these ones for inspiration… 
http://www.ahouseinthehills.com/ahouseinthehills/category/wedding
http://www.tangledlilac.com/grandcanyonelopementwedding/
http://www.liveviewstudios.com/wedding-couple-photography/longing-a-seaside-elopement-shoot/
I know tha a lot of bees on here would KILL to be able to elope! I know that is not the wedding you’ve planned (6 times! How do you do it?!) but it can truly be beautiful and the commitment is purely for you and Fiance to make – which I think is the bigges positive reading all of this – your wedding is off – but your FI loves you and is having a baby with you. It sounds like family might be the problem, not your gorgeous Fiance.
I hope something in this helps you. Sounds like you are an amazingly strong person already though 🙂 xxx 

Post # 7
Member
2106 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Wow so you have planned 6 weddings? I don’t believe in signs but jeez it may be time to elope. 

Post # 8
Member
2743 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2014 - Disney

Go to disney and elope. Take just you and the kids. They have a memories package and your family will be together.You can have up to 8 total and it costs about 3000 I think. Right after the first of the year I believe they are offering some good deals.

 

We are doing something a little larger an escape package with a formal dinner, and epcot dessert fireworks party for 20.

 

 

Post # 9
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SummerSnow:  I’m a bit more concerned about your relationship with your Fiance.  A fight resulted in the third wedding being called off?  Me and my husband fought leading up to the wedding, but nothing so dramatic that we stopped all plans to marry.  That’s concerning.  And from what you have posted, it doesn’t sound like this was an isolated incident, moreso that you continued to fight after that…

I know it’s a tough pill to swallow, your own mothers blowing off your wedding.  But I kind of can’t blame them (sorry!).  This was your 4th plan to marry in 3.5 years?  They could have been thinking, “Yeah right… we’ll see.”  Especially if you and your Fiance have such a volatile relationship.

Here’s what I would do – get yourselves into some premartial counseling, work through these issues, and when the time is right, elope.  I understand it’s not the same, it’s not the celebration you always envisioned, and that sucks, no doubt about it.  But at the end of the day, it’s about the commitment, not the party.  So you guys have to do what’s best for you.

Post # 10
Member
423 posts
Helper bee

@SummerSnow:  I’ll agree with a PP, how are things with your husband? If everything is fine at that end, then don’t worry about anything else. Just think that you are going to join your soul with your wonderful man and that God will always be present to bless your union. Go ahead with the plans, irrespective of who is or isn’t attending. Later on, you can renew your vows or throw a reception for all.

Post # 12
Member
942 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Im so sorry your family are being so floozy about your wedding. We chose to elope& had a reception a few weeks later. It was the best decision ever and the best of both worlds. We had a beautiful intimate ceremony with NO FAMILY DRAMA and still got to do the father daughter dance etc and see all the family. It might be an option for you at this point – After you get some couples councelling for your relationship issues. i agree with PP that this is about a life-long commitment, not the party and fighting with your OH to the point he’d call off a wedding is NOT COOL. Hugs

Post # 13
Member
3585 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: January 2000

@SummerSnow:  I only skimmed your post. Sorry you are having these problems about The Wed-ding event. But I have to wonder: why create all of this angst over what is esentilally a party?

You can get married. Wedding. MArriage. Two different concepts.

You Fiance is your kid’s father. That’s what’s important here, not the Dres or the Party.

Post # 14
Member
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@SummerSnow:  If the wedding means that much to you, then plan your wedding.  But given the circumstances that led up to it, don’t be too surprised if people don’t attend.  The most important thing at the end of the day is the commitment to your spouse.  So don’t get too upset over friends/family not attending.

Good luck to you!

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