Post # 1
Quick run down on the fam situation –
My mum left my biological father when I was still a baby, and re-married my step-father when I was about 4. (It’s important to note that my biological father is completely out of the picture and will not have any involvement at the wedding).
My mum and step-father divorced after a couple of years of marriage and she then raised myself and my sister as a single parent. However I continue to this day to call my step-father ‘Dad’ and he always calls me his ‘daughter’.
My fiance asked my ‘Dad’ for his blessing which deeply hurt my mum (no upset intended, just thought he was doing the right thing!) and I believe that my mum now understands he didn’t mean to cause any upset, and hopefully things are now OK.
In addition to my mum and step-dad, there is a couple who who have acted like another Mum & Dad to me since the age of 11 – I am extremely close to them, and it’s very important that they are part of our wedding day.
I have been very lucky in life and really want to show appreciation for all of those who have raised me…however i’m not sure how to do this with without offending my Mum 🙁
I would like my step-dad to walk me down the aisle, and then my other father figure to do the speech, however I know this will hurt my mum’s feelings. I wish there was another special role/task that I could ask my mum to do – I had thought about asking her to do a speech too, but I am worried about making ‘our’ special day all about me.
Can anyone offer any advice, or provide any insight based on a similar situation?
Thanks very much everyone 🙂
Post # 3
I don’t know if this helps you at all, but what about having your mom walk you down the aisle? My parents are divorced and I grew up with my mom and I had them both walk me down the aisle, and that worked great.
Post # 4
You should have whoever you want to walk you down the aisle be the person who walks you down the aisle. It’s your day, do what makes you and not everyone else happy. That is a huge moment in your life and you deserve for it to be special to you, no matter what everyone else thinks.
Post # 5
I also would say either have your mom, or mom and step, if she could handle that. Otherwise I would have the person that has always been there, if that’s mom then be an untraditional bride and just have her. This would also take care of the problem with hurting one dad over another!
Post # 6
Blech, I really don’t like the idea that it’s only the father that walks the bride down the aisle. By the sounds of it, your mom deserves that chance too. I say you give it to her.
Post # 7
Go with what your heart is telling you to do. It sounds to me like you know that you really want your step-father to walk you down the aisle but are just holding back to avoid hurting your mom. If you are close with your mom, chances are she will respect your decision and see that it is your wish to have him walk down the aisle. As for being afraid that the day is too “all about you,” I think that is what your wedding is suposed to be, about you and your new husband.
Post # 8
My Mom and Dad divorced a couple of years ago and my Mom asked who was going to walk me down the aisle. My Dad had already claimed that role for himself, and I know it would be trouble if I had them both do it so I had to tell my Mom that it would be my Dad. I knew she was very disappointed so after some thinking about it I’ve asked her to be my witness, who signs the paperwork. She is very happy about this.
It helps that we have no adult attendants (a whole other messy story so it was better to ask no one and just have a ringbearer and some FGs), but I think it wouldn’t look odd or weird if you had a Maid/Matron of Honor still but had your Mom do the signing. I can’t imagine a Maid/Matron of Honor being put out by that if they knew the background. Just an option, good luck 🙂
Post # 9
@hotpinkbride: Totally agree. You should do whatever you want. Maybe let your mum do a reading or something, but she should appreciate that it’s your day and not be adding to your stress by getting overly emotional about her involvement.
Post # 10
Do what feels right to you and don’t worry about others feeling bad. I had my step dad walk me down. It was a very personal choice. Also my bio-dad wasn’t invited. I wish I knew how to help you with your mom, but I don’t 🙁 Good luck!
Post # 11
Just to say thanks for all of your comments and advice – i’m not going to post anymore about it in this thread as it’s searchable on google (i didn’t realise posts that don’t contain any specific personal or location based info can’t be deleted, eeek!).
But thanks again, really appreciate your thoughts bees!