Not taking his last name because I don't like it?

posted 6 months ago in Traditions
Post # 16
2436 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

– I’d quite fancy being Drizzle Vandyke!


Post # 17
3914 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2015

bambii :  Then don’t change your name. I still haven’t changed my name yet (two parts laziness, one part I hate his last name). We have an agreement that once we have children, we will discuss how we are going to approach our names. Thusfar, DH does not care what my name is, but he does want the whole family to have the same last name. He is not using that as a pressure for me to change my name, but we have discussed becoming MyLastName-HisLastName together or we have discussed us changing just my name or changing just his name. Who knows what we’ll land on. 

Post # 18
5146 posts
Bee Keeper

I agree you don’t need to change your name to his.

However, I don’t agree that you shouldn’t give your children his last name.

For some men it’s incredibly important for their children to bear their name regardless of what it is.  I would talk to him first before deciding to name the children it’s something you decide together

Post # 19
748 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2018

I once knew a girl whose parents had combined their last names to make a new last name for her. It was along the lines of: Martin + Cunningham = Martingham.

Could you keep your name and your husband keep his, and you combine the two into something innocuous for your kids?

Post # 20
235 posts
Helper bee

Hardon-Twattlebottom is a perfectly respectable last name.  There’s nothing wrong with being proud of having come from the long line of Hardons.

Post # 21
5636 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014

bambii :  I almost didn’t take my husband’s last name because it rhymes with my first name! And I LOVED my old name, but it was my ex-husband’s sooo…. I think there are quite a few people on here who don’t take their husband’s name and even several who come up with a new name all together for both of them. I hope your BF understands… I think he should want you happy.

Side note: Where I work we had a guy whose last name is Raper and he was married with kids. I felt so bad for his kids (assuming they have his name). Ugh.

Post # 22
143 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

When I was younger I was 100% absolutely never ever going to change my last name (broke up with a guy over this once!) As I grew older, I realized I actually hated my middle name (Marie, boring to me) and would happily drop that and pick up a new last name, and go by both last names.

Well of course I decided to marry a man whose last name is so similar to my own, that using them together would be to the effect of Smith Smythe- aka totally ridiculous. Dropping my maiden name entirely was NOT an option to me- its on all my degrees and licenses (attorney). At first my fiance did not love the idea that we wouldn’t have the same last name— but he was in agreement that to keep both would be absurd sounding and, we share the same career, so he recognized my attachment to my maiden name. Our children will have his name and I am fine with that.

All that said- whatever you name your children, you need to be prepared to be called Mrs. Kid’s Last Name– because your children’s teachers, friends, other parents, etc will absolutely call you this, and to go about correcting them makes you look like a piece of work. 

Post # 23
6254 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2016

bambii :  just fyi.. changing your last name to a totally different last name is not easy.  DH and I wanted to change our last name to a new one.. that was our plan in fact.  We announced it and printed thank you cards that had our new last name on it.

and then we actually figured out how much paperwork is needed to take a last name that is not your spouse’s (or a hyphenated combination of yours and your spouses) and hooooly.  We gave that dream up asap.  We just kept our own last names, lol.

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