(Closed) Not Telling Family About Husband’s Vasecomy

posted 8 years ago in Babies
Post # 3
Member
14186 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: June 2009

I dont’ think it’s any of their business if your husband chooses to have a vasectomy. Although I do know that my dad had one when they were done having kids and he has told me it isn’t a big deal if my husband gets one some day. My parents and I talk about a lot of stuff I’d rather we not, but usually they do the talking and i just kinda bob my head and space out. I dunno, i guess it really depends on the relationship you have with your family. I know when i was seeing a reproductive endocrinologist, DH’s family knew b/c i was in and out of the doctor’s, having surgeries and stuff. And it didn’t bother me, but he also didn’t go into detail about what was going on with my womanly parts to his mom, either.

If you’ve always wanted kids and now aren’t planning on having kids, I could see how your mom could be shocked about the decision. And probably a little let down if she had her heart set on grandchildren. At some point, she’ll probably ask about you having kids and then you can discuss it further. Even if it will upset them, I think they’ll figure it out in a few years when you haven’t gotten pregnant, esp since your husband is in his 40’s. Your mom likely has some viable concerns. I know my mom would be and we are close enough that we’d have a frank discussion about it.

Again, all depends on your relationship.

 

Post # 4
Member
624 posts
Busy bee

EJS4y8 is right…it’s none of their business.  You don’t owe anyone an explanation and there is no need to announce anything.

When people do ask you can say “We’re not having kids.”  No need to go into details.

Post # 5
Member
829 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2010

NO NEED FOR DETAILS! That is a very personal matter. They know you dont want any, some parents look forward to that but they need to come to terms you will not.

Post # 6
Member
1426 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

Think about it this way- do you talk to her about your current birth control methods?  Because unless you’re currently giving her a play by play on your means of protection, then I don’t think she would have any reason to expect you to tell her this either…

Post # 7
Member
5823 posts
Bee Keeper

I would stop telling them about all the doctor’s appointments.  It’s really none of their business.  Most especially the vasectomy.  Would her reaction change your mind at all?  Probably not.  Would it put a strain on your relationship?  Most definitely.  Since you’ve already expressed your desire not to have kids, I don’t think you need to tell her more.  At this point, she has the info she needs, she doesn’t need to know HOW you’re not having kids.

Post # 8
Member
2030 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 1969

I agree. Don’t tell them about doctor’s appointments, and don’t tell them about the vasectomy. It’s really none of their business. Once you tell them, you’ll open up a huge can of worms.

Post # 9
Member
2144 posts
Buzzing bee

Yup, not their business. My mom had her tubes tied and didn’t tell most of the family, my dad had a vasectomy (dunno if the family knew), and nobody knew my grandfather had a vasectomy until years and years after he passed away. Just let them think you can’t have kids (which you technically can’t, just don’t elaborate why!)

Post # 10
Member
2703 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

Yea it sucks that they won’t have grandkids, but this is your and your husbands decision. If you’ve decided that you don’t want kids, I don’t think it’s any of your mom’s business to know about your husband’s medical procedures. Plus, you’ve already let them know that you dont want kids.

I’m sure your mom is sad and disappointed, but this is your life and if you’re doing what makes you happy, that’s what counts.

Post # 11
Member
1523 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

My opinion is that your husband’s doctors visits and vasectomy are not your family’s business (at all!). To me the decision of whether to have kids or not etc are very personal decisions that will be made by Fiance and I alone.

Post # 13
Member
2889 posts
Sugar bee

I think that is personal and not something you need to discuss with your mom. As some point if she asks about tha lack of kids, despite you telling her you don’t want any, you can always just say we are unable to have children without going into further details. Let her think it’s a medical problem.

Post # 15
Member
3762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2010

I’m not sure you read sliceys response correctly.  I think she was saying that you could let your mom believe there is a medical problem ie why you can’t have children. 

I think its a fairly common term if not a medical term that not being able to bear children is a medical problem.  Your body is not functioning as it should aka a problem. 

Post # 16
Member
2205 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2009

go4me77,

Hmm, it seems to me slicey19 didn’t refer to a child as a medical problem, but rather was commenting that you can let your mother think you have a medical problem that doesn’t allow you to have children. (because you seem uncomfortable sharing with your family your decision to prevent having children.)

Whatever you decide, I hope your family respects you and your husbands’ decision!

 

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