- 4 years ago
Please help me to feel better about this:
It’s been 10 months since I got married. I feel better now than I did the few months after, but as my best friend’s big day fast approaches, the realities of my big day feel closer than ever before.
My wedding day was a disaster. A disgrunteled co-worker sent me a photo of the next day’s weather forcast while I was standing in a room of friends and family at our rehearsal dinner; he wanted to get back at me for something silly and thought this was a funny gesture (dumb). Rain, the forecase showed. I unintentionally woke up alone in the hotel at 4am the morning of and watched the storm clouds roll in — taking over the sunny and 78 weather of the day before. I had told myself that I would be okay with rain. But no sleep and the “meanness” of my co-worker’s gesture made me far more emotional / negative about things.
I felt hungover the whole morning, even though I had only one drink the night before. The bridesmaids and I had a two room suite for the 14 women in the bridal party (5 nieces included) to get hair and make-up done, but the hotel kicked us out of one room (the one for the bridal party the night before had two queen beds whereas our honeymoon room had one king bed) right as the photographer arrived and wouldn’t allow us into the other room. There were 14 women getting ready in one tiny room. Every photo of me and my Mom and sister and best friends with my dress has bags and makeup and hairspray and chairs and TVs and just ugly clutter in them. No romantic, emotional, meaningful “getting ready photos”. No photos of the rings or the beautiful invitation suite. Nothing. Nadda. Zippo.
The air conditioner in the limo bus that we had confirmed was coming the morning of the wedding broke. They didn’t tell us and sent two ugly, dirty shuttle buses as the replacement (who needs air conditioning when it’s 60 degrees outside?). I found out only as I was squeezing my dress down the narrow walkway of the shuttle bus. And the new bus drivers didn’t have directions to the photo spot or each other’s phone numbers. They started heading the wrong direction. My friend stood in her dress and heels and navigated the bus to the destination. We were 45 minutes late to photos.
And then the rain. It hadn’t rained all morning, but it started during my husband’s and my first look. Buckets. We got some shots outside and then ran inside. The photographer was not taking the style of photos I wanted, but he was family, and I had to hold my tongue. I had wanted to be taking outdoor shots with the bridal party, but the photos were indoor, stuffy and old-fashioned. And I was sad and stressed. My husband’s father was supposed to take the young kids (7 nieces and nephews) back to our house so the adults could take pictures alone. But the chilly May day and the rain had everyone wanting to have a couple of drinks and he soon realized he wasn’t able to drive. 45 minutes later, I had NO photos of just my bridesmaids and me, but, since we were 45 minutes behind due to the buses, we had to leave for the ceremony. My husband to be and I piled into separate buses (I had REALLY wanted the full group to be together – this the 22 person limo bus). My photographer assured me we’d have time after the ceremony for photos (during cocktail hour – oh joy).
Once at the ceremony/reception venue, family photos took forever. The florist had forgot to send the mother’s flowers and there was a mad dash to locate them. I went to meet my bridal party in the bridal suite when photos with the family were done and there was no one to be found. I sat alone in the bridal suite and came to find out that the girls and guys had found a bottle of jack daniels and were enjoying it in the groom’s room. I had no fun photos of hanging out with my girls. None of just me and my home friends, or sisters, or sister-in laws, or college friends. None. I told myself to be patient. There’d be time after the ceremony.
The rain stopped and we were able to have the outdoor ceremony. Even if it never made it over 63 degrees at the end of May. The ceremony was — by far — the best part of the entire day. Light-hearted, funny, emotional. It really was amazing. Until it wasn’t. My husband and I shared our first kiss as a married couple while in the background, my friend and bridemaid Lauren had an episode and passed out in front of everyone. Not just an OOPS, I locked my knees pass out, but a minor seizure passout where her husband screamed from the audience and the parametics were called. All while my husband and I stood on the alter not knowing what to do. The guitarist was in shock and stop playing music. My husband is Jewish and the priest and Rabbi just stared at us — Rabbi with the glass in hand not knowing whether to do the whole break the glass thing. Umm. Awkward? Uhhh – yes!
So — I’m sure you’ve guessed by now that there were no photos after the ceremony. My friend was off with the parametics — excuse me — one of my closest and oldest friends and bridesmaids was off with the parametics after a VERY scary episode. My husband was now approaching three sheets to the wind. Can you blame him? With the day we’d had so far. I figured I’d join in and we started our first moments as a married couple with a shot of Jameson to calm the nerves (I had no intention of having more than 2 drinks the night of my wedding). Again, can you blame us?
The reception was fun, but my friends were worried about my other friend (obviously) and many of them spent the rest of the evening checking in on her. She had decided to stay at the wedding but was so embarassed, she wouldn’t come into the reception tent. My husband and I had a ball though. We really did. Even when my Dad’s friend had a diabetic episode and threw up all over their table. So there are no photos of me with my parents or grandparents or immediate family / family friends. How could there be? They were covered in a 60 year-old-man’s long island iced tea!
So — all and all — not the best day of my life. How do I get over it? How do I stop feeling like I was robbed of what was supposed to be a beautiful and memorable day? A beautiful and memorable day that my husband and I spent 18 months planning and DIY’ing for (I guess it doesn’t help that we had an expensive wedding for which my husband and I paid for most and will be paying it off for years). How do I attend all of my bridesmaid’s weddings and friend’s weddings and look at everyone’s perfect days and photos and not get sad. I cannot even get myself to get any photos or an album from my photographer, because looking at the photos only makes me depressed. What do I do!?!
Perspective and help, please.
<br />Thank you,