(Closed) Not the "Best Day of My Life" – Perspective, please.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 16
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

The ceremony was — by far — the best part of the entire day. Light-hearted, funny, emotional.  It really was amazing.

This is why you need to try to forget about the rest of the day not being up to par. I agree with you that you had a lot of shitty things happen, but the ceremony and marrying your husband is what was important. Not the rain. Not the dirty shuttle bus. Not the flowers being MIA. Those are all things that do NOT make a marriage.

You can’t get that day back, so dwelling on it isn’t going to help you, and you’re punishing yourself by wishing it were different. The sooner you accept that you can’t change the past, the better you will feel. However, you can either have a vow renewal one day or, and even better, you could have a photoshoot with another photographer on celebration of your one year anniversary and retake photos. Who wouldn’t want to rewear their wedding dress, right?

Also, I want to point out that your friend could have died that day. It could have been much scarier than it was, so thank God she was ok.

To add even further to this…you don’t know what issues your friends will run into. Honestly, to me, a lot of what you described wasn’t bad enough to make me depressed looking at wedding photos. Every bride handles different things differently. Perhaps your friend’s wine glasses will break and she will have a meltdown becuase that was important to her. What I’m trying to say is every bride will go through some form of hiccup on their big day, and its how they handle it that shows what kind of wedding they will have.

Post # 17
Member
9129 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

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Jeanne6629:  Honestly in a few years it will all be a funny story.  Right now it sucks because you can’t let it go.  Life isn’t perfect and unfortunately, your wedding was an example of chaos theory.

Since most of your gripes seem to be about photos, I suggest the following: Let go of the photos of the bridal party that didn’t get done; it’s practically impossible to repeat those.  As for photos of your family, pay for a family photo shoot for your immediate families and get dressed back up for photos.  I also highly recommend doing a vow renewal ASAP (your first anniversary is coming up, take a tripand hire an officiant) just you and your husband so you can replace some of the “ruined” memories with nice memories of your vows at least.

Post # 18
Member
7308 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2011 - Bed & Breakfast

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MOHlookingForIdeas:  I was with you right up until your last sentence. That is an uncalled for putdown of people who do feel as though their wedding day was the best day of their life thus far. There is nothing wrong with feling awesome about one’s wedding day, and that feeling certainly does not make the rest of their life “pretty damn dull.”

Post # 19
Member
354 posts
Helper bee

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Jeanne6629:  I feel sorry for you, until the part where you said your husband and you were having a ball, while your best friend is having medical crisis.

I get it, it’s suppose to be the best day of your life, but it’s also someone else’s health. If I were in your shoes, I would be more concern about my friend’s being well. I will go up to her and continue to ask her if she’s ok. That’s what friends do.

You really have to move on and stop blaming everything, especially your friends for this. I would also join them for a bottle of Jack if I were in their shoes.

Post # 20
Member
815 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Sheesh. What a doozy of a day girl! But try and keep in mind that none of the craziness that went on was anything that was in your control. And it sounds like you also had plenty of great moments mixed in there too. Those are the moments that it is all about.

Very few weddings are “perfect” based on the bridal industry’s standards. You definitely got more than your fair share of unexpected disasters, but try and remember that no one’s experience is perfect. If anything, the imperfections will become the source of belly laughs in a few years and hilarious stories to tell your children.

And don’t feel embarrassed for feeling how you do. I can relate completely. We are in the planning phase for our big day and just about everything feels like it is “not how it’s supposed to be/feel.” Neither side of the family has expressed any excitement whatsoever. Many members have not really acknowledged that a wedding is happening. We are also working on a tight budget, so it just feels like every factor in our wedding is an exception to every single wedding stereotype. in the book. I get emotional about it a lot and feel like a b*tch for it. BUT, wedding days are so darn hyped up everywhere we look it is natural to feel jipped out of this elusive and grandeous fairytale of an experience.

Just focus on the fact that it was ONE DAY. Now you get forever with the man you are meant to be with. That’s what is important.

Post # 21
Member
5217 posts
Bee Keeper

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Jeanne6629:  I agree with PP about having a some new photos taken with your husband. Could you take a nice trip for your anniversary and maybe have a little private vow renewal? It wouldn’t be the pics with friends and family that you wanted, but you could have a beautiful vow renewal with pics of just the two of you. 

You should aslo stop reading the wedding blogs. I think a lot of times they aren’t real weddings anyway.

Post # 22
Member
4438 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall

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CallMeMrsG:  +1, 10 months into your marriage you should be happy with your MARRIAGE.  Not still upset about your wedding.  There are several posts here about it not being the best day of many bride’s lives, we build it up in our heads so that it can never be that perfect!

You got married, now enjoy your marriage and let it gooooo!

Post # 23
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

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Strawberryfarmer:  Do you want to come work at my psych hospital as a therapist? Seriously! hahaha  This reply is AMAZING and articulated with very clear examples.

Post # 25
Member
969 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

No wedding is an actual Pinterest wedding. A lot of those blog posts are staged specifically for the post and models for bridal dresses etc. Of course some girls are lucky enough to have all of their dreams come true for their wedding but for most ladies there is a compromise or ten made so stop comparing yourself to those! Also lots of mistakes and snafus happen to many brides but they obviously aren’t posting pictures about those, just the positives! im sorry you had so many snafus but at the end of the day you can always renew your vows in a couple of years and it could always have been worse. 

Some wise words that put stuff in to perspective while I plan my wedding: your wedding is not a competition it is about you and your groom and your love. 

Post # 26
Member
345 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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CharleighT:  Haha. Thanks Charleigh. I maybe am in the field. Starting internship in July – finally! Woot woot! I commend you for doing inpatient psych – I work in peds and much prefer the medical side ;D

Post # 27
Member
2052 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

I had A LOT go wrong at my wedding.  And it was still the happiest day of my life because I married my wonderful husband.  But it was far from perfect!

– The zipper on two of my bridesmaid dresses broke 2 hours before the ceremony.  We had to go to a dry cleaner who literally sewed her into her dress

– even though the forecast was 70 and sunny, it was 58 and rainy.  We didn’t get any outdoor pictures, only the stuffy old fashion ones

– my photographer didn’t get one picture of my husbands face during the first look.  All the pictures are of me.

– my husbands cousin had a seizure during cocktail hour.  Four fire trucks pulled up and we had to clear out the room so the paramedics could get to her (she went to the hospital and was released later that night)

– I had a hard time going to be bathroom in my wedding dress and i dropped part of the train in the toilet and peed on it causing a huge wet mark

 

and soooo many more things.  It was far from perfect, and I was upset at the time about some of these things, but it makes your wedding day so much more memorable.  All of those style me pretty and Pinterest weddings are fake.  Your marriage is real.  And that’s what matters.

Post # 28
Member
2871 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

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Jeanne6629: thanks for sharing your story — it’s helping me see how critical a good DOC can be. 

what’s done is done. Sorry it didn’t turn out as expected but you can choose to focus on the positive as pp have suggested. I’m glad your bridesmaid is ok. You might have had an unexpected funeral to attend as newlyweds. 

Post # 29
Member
2255 posts
Buzzing bee

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canadajane:  +1,000–this so much!

I would stop thinking of it as ‘not the best day of my life as it should have been, re: bridal magazines’ and ‘the day I realized just how important my friends and family are to me’. 

It’s definitely time to move on and focus that energy somewhere else. You’ll feel as if a huge weight has been lifted when you do. 

 

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