(Closed) Not the "Best Day of My Life" – Perspective, please.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 31
Member
1081 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I’m so sorry all that happened on your big day…

Since you are married for 10 months, can you throw a intimate 1st year anniversary with your bridal party, family to make up for it? Hire a professional photographer to take some fun picture. I don’t think that would cost too much money if it’s only few hours coverage

Post # 32
Member
1609 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 2014

Sounds like everything that could go wrong did! But at the end of the day your marriage is much more important than your wedding.  A wedding is one day – a marriage is everyday. Think of the awesome story to tell your children and grandchildren about your wedding day.  It will certainly be a memorable one that will get passed down through the generations.

And I would do a kick ass photoshoot for your first anniversary. 

Post # 33
Member
4605 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: March 2014

I don’t think anyone’s wedding goes perfectly to plan. Mine didn’t. My grandmother was really rude and unpleasant for the whole thing, she took down most of my reception decor while the reception was still going on because she didn’t like the way my matron of honor had set it up, and she left without speaking to me. Whoever altered my dress left off the hooks that were supposed to be in the back, so my dress was falling down the entire day. It was raining and muggy. I don’t think my photographer got a lot of the photos I wanted, and I know that DH and I don’t have any pictures of our families together with everyone. Lots of things were lost or not used, and yeah, I was upset about them, but I can look at the pictures from my ceremony and I remember my face hurting because I couldn’t stop smiling at my husband. 

I completely understand being upset over the things that happened at your wedding, but as others have said, no wedding is ever perfect, and you should focus more on the happiness you felt at your ceremony. 

If it’s the photos that upset you the most, you can always get the family together for more. I know it won’t be the same, but it would be something. 

Post # 34
Member
6516 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

View original reply
Jeanne6629:  it WAS the best day of your life. <br />It seems that anything that could go wrong, went wrong. And I understand that pictures are important and you may not have the best to look back at, but, you know what, you married the love of your life, and at the end of the day, thats all that matters. 

I experienced something similar. DH & I planned every minute of our wedding to ensure that we would enjoy it, even the food! THe day of the wedding comes, and everything was great, we were on time, we took all the pictures, and we were finished in time to go and enjoy the cocktail hour. Well that didn’t happen bc DH & I were not allowed back in the Bridal Suite because my sister had a full blown seizure. Mind you, I had to pee, BAD! I had about 2 glasses of wine by the time i was done with pictures, and 2 glasses of water. My Maid/Matron of Honor & Aunt came to say hey, they are setting something up for you in the suite, I turned to my DH and said what are they doing? He said IDK. The Maitre’D came and said would you like to see the reception room before the guests come in? I said sure (this was to distract me). Then I turned to my DH and Maitre’D and said excuse me, but I have to go to the bathroom. I am now in the hallway that leads to the suite and there I see the paramedics and I asked for my sister. 

My wedding party and family tried to hide it from me so that I wouldn’t get upset, but the truth is, I am upset because DH and I didn’t get to enjoy the cocktail hour as we had hoped. Out of everything, we were most excited for the cocktail hour and in the last 15 mins of it, we were trying to scarf down food. DH didn’t get to eat at all. 

But in the end, I did emjoy my wedding, I married the man of my dreams and best friend. 

Post # 35
Member
2810 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Yes, you had a few upsetting mishaps during the day that, at the moment, would be upsetting. These things shouldn’t be haunting you, or what you’re focusing on. The purpose of your wedding is to marry the man that you love…

Honestly, I think people place way too much energy in creating a “perfect” everything in life.

Life isn’t perfect. Focus on the the good parts, laugh at the not so pleasant parts, and deal. If you get caught up in the bad things, you’re going to drive yourself miserable.

Post # 36
Member
576 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2012

My wedding was not even in the top 50% of best days of my life. My husband and I didn’t even have a good time, and I wish we had eloped. We never look at photos from our wedding day. And you know what? It’s okay. We’ve been married for 2 years now and the wedding is just a blip in our life together. We’ve had many happier days and many better (non-professional) photos that are representative of our life together. Yes I still think about it, I still wish it had been different, I wish I could have done things the way I wanted, but it’s over. We have a wonderful marriage, a beautiful child, a life together, and there are so many things more important than a wedding.

There are many, many things in life that don’t go as planned. You can’t re-do most of them, and if you are like most people, there will be many disappointments in your life to come that will be worse than this. It sounds like you are spending too much time thinking about this and fixating on every detail that went wrong. Honestly I can’t even remember all the things that went wrong at my wedding. You need to stop thinking about it. When it comes to your mind, will yourself to think about something else. Thinking about negative memories reinforces them in your mind and makes the seem worse and worse as time goes on.

If you are still paying off the wedding and will be for years as you say, the last thing I would do is spend any more money on a new photo shoot or anything like that. Your wedding is over, you have to let it go. Focus your energies on your marriage.

Post # 37
Member
7643 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

View original reply
Jeanne6629:  Sorry to come back on here with more for you, but while my day, to me, was perfect, here were some things that didn’t go quite right (if it makes you feel better):

Our pastor, who has known my DH for years, pronounced our last name incorrectly at the ceremony–and again at the reception.

My veil covered up my hair because it wouldn’t stick in any other way.

I forgot panties for the day of, so the night before we had to go to Walmart to get some, and rather than be smart and get white panties, I get black with polka dots.

We have no portraits of DH.

DH did not have cuff links, so in all the pics his shirt cuffs are sticking out of his jacket.

Mother-In-Law screamed at Father-In-Law in front of all our guests before the reception for not letting the dogs out (lucky we weren’t there to witness that).

The DJs forgot to light up the reception with the other color in the uplighting.

In a lot of my boquet toss photos, I have this lovely woman flashing her cooter because she wore such a short dress and was squatting down dancing.

When I went back and watched the wedding video I noticed right before the ceremony our ring bearer also dropped the pillow with our rings on it, hehe.

We also ran out of cupcakes. If it wasn’t for the additional 12 pieces of cake we managed to muster up from a birthday cake my Maid/Matron of Honor made for my uncle and her mom (since it was their birthday on our wedding day), we wouldn’t have had dessert for the additional guests.

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by  megz06.
Post # 38
Member
1680 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

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  • This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by  OnceUponATime.
Post # 39
Member
575 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Its all about perspective. My brother passed out the morning of the wedding and he had to be rushed to the hospital by my older brother. He missed the wedding, my other brother missed the ceremony. It was the first night my brother ever spent the night in the hospital alone, he had been dealing with major health problems. WE knew there was nothing we could do. All of my immediate family got their moment to be upset, but then we moved on, knowing no one wanted to talk about it. Our wedding was also on the hotest day of the summer, my husband checked after, just to say he was right. The church had no AC and the cocktail hour was very warm. Because my brothers were gone family photos kindaof went out the wayside, and I missed alot of them….. but the day was amazing!!! We got married and we had fun and those are the moments I cling to. 

Post # 40
Member
3208 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

View original reply
Strawberryfarmer:  Your post is so very insightful. Incredible advice – kudos to you for taking the time to write it out!

Post # 42
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
Jeanne6629:  I hope your friend is okay!

Post # 43
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

“The ceremony was — by far — the best part of the entire day. Light-hearted, funny, emotional. It really was amazing.” … “My husband and I had a ball though.” 

perspective: like PPs said, be glad your friend turned out ok, and besides that, it doesn’t even sound like that bad of a wedding. far worse things could have happened. 

it’s been ten months. get over it. don’t let it stop you from being happy for your friends’ weddings. that’s shallow. sorry but it is! jealousy is not good for friendships.

also, get your photos from the photgrapher already. waiting this long could be pretty insulting to him. I hope you at least paid by now. have you seen any images yet? I kind of think that in the end, you really only need one photo of you and your husband that you really love, the one that goes in the frame and up on the wall. the rest are just an added bonus. 

 

Post # 45
Member
3065 posts
Sugar bee

View original reply
Jeanne6629:  when i saw the title i thought “oh this is going to be another whiney post about how her day wasnt perfect because of some small thing”

i was so wrong. I am sorry! That is ALOT of tough stuff to deal with. I dont really have any advice, i know i would be replaying it all in my head, but i guess your going to have to go by the saying “the worse the wedding, the better the marriage”

i know its hard to realize it didnt turn out the way you wanted, but i dont think anyones goes perfectly without a hitch. You can always have a vow renewal ceremony and hire an awesome photographer in the future for your 5 years or 10 years 🙂

you can even dress up in your wedding dress and hire a photographer for you and ur hubby and go to a beautiful location – even a trash the dress shoot! 

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