(Closed) Not the "Best Day of My Life" – Perspective, please.

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 46
Member
1427 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - parent\'s backyard

sorry. I was going for “tough love”. those were details you didn’t have in your original post. 

Post # 47
Member
7559 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2014

View original reply
Jeanne6629:  “The premise of my post was – a whole bunch of crap happened – I’ve never heard of any one else who had crap happen and needed to hear that I wasn’t alone – and I needed tips for putting it behind me. So thank you for the constructive input from many.”

I think no one has a picture perfect wedding, but you don’t hear about all the things that went wrong because they’re tiny tiny tiny by comparison to the love and joy you feel that day. The best way to out it behind you is to try to remember that. 10 months is a long time to drag negative emotions around, especially when half (or more) of what you’re emotional about us stuff you can’t control. Let it go. Don’t even buy into the notion that you need a do-over party/photo shoot/vow renewal/any of that, because it only reinforces that your wedding day was a disappointment. You will only be disappointed by your day if you allow yourself to be.

Post # 48
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m probably going to get flamed for this, but I promise I mean no disrespect when I say this is the problem a lot of young women get themselves into.  Here is the issue, you build up a wedding day as something more than what it is!! In my opinion, I know I’m probably alone here, too much emphasis is put on having a perfect WEDDING and not nearly enough is placed on having the perfect MARRIAGE. The wedding day is just that, a DAY.  Your marriage is for a lifetime.  How do you get over a horrible wedding day?  You focus on the joy you should feel by being married to  the man of your dreams, by focusing on the love you two share, and by finding peace in the fact that you ARE in fact married. It doesnt matter what happens on the day, focus on the fact you have someone in your life that you want to share the rest of your life with And that he feels the same. The day itself is overrated in my opinion. 

Post # 49
Member
422 posts
Helper bee

You know what i can’t stand? Is some fake ass self righteous heffas saying oh focus on the positive—Oh ohh your friend’s health is in crisis…and clutching their pearls and turning up their noses when knowing full well if this ish happened to you you would be upset and crying and hearing “It’s my party” Playing through your head!!!

 

OP you know what hun that effing sucks I am so sorry that happened to you and I can understand why your bestie upcoming nuptuals are rehatching that Lemmony Snicket’s a series of unfortunate events that you called a wedding.

My advice is to do a 1yr engagement photo session followed by an anniversary party with friends and family. you won’t get that day back but building new memories might ease the scar tissue of your wedding. All in all it’s ok to throw a pity party for one—but don’t dwell on it. But i  would make sure my vowel renewal was epic. Goodluck girl!!

Post # 51
Member
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I went to wedding where the brides dad died at the reception from heart attack 

Post # 52
Member
565 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

at my wedding, my weeding music wasn’t played right, the preacher tried to give me the wrong ring and messed up our vows, it was like 300 degrees outside so I’m sweaty in all my outside piccs and look awful,  my photographer didn’t take some pictures I wanted and tilted the camera for a Lot of others so they are at a really weird angle not suitable for framing or displaying. I have very few pictures that I can display from my wedding, my wedding favors didn’t get handed out the way I wanted so I ended up spending a lot of money on 200 tulip bulbs and a TON OF TIME on hand painted sacks that I then had to take home and ended up rotting in my garage because I had no place to plant them.  Aand to top it all off my father went to the hospital from the reception and was in the hospital for a week after my wedding with pneumonia and he has alpha-1 antitypson disorder (a lung disease) so pneumonia is life threatening. I thought he was going to die. We all have had negative things happen at our weddings. I STILL love my wedding.  I still don’t want a redo.  I look at all the good things that were happening that day…sorry if Im self righteous for telling you to look on the positive. 

  • This reply was modified 6 years, 8 months ago by  .
Post # 53
Member
374 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

View original reply
Strawberryfarmer:   I do too! I’m sort of…over psych at the moment. I don’t think I’ll be “un over” it again either hahaha. But it sounds like you’re certainly good at it!

 

Post # 56
Member
1316 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

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MrsBuesleBee:  +1 to doing a nice photoshoot to celebrate your anniversary. You don’t have to do it on the anniversary day if you had other plans, but I think something with just the two of you with no chance of everyone else messing it up for you would be nice. From what you wrote, one of the biggest disappointments from your wedding day was the lack of photos, and I think this would be a really sweet way to try to make up for it.

As for the other stuff, I’m so sorry this happened to you, and I wish your day could have gone better! All I can say is that in 5 years, you WILL look back on this and laugh! You just have to find a way to make it up to yourself. The photoshoot idea is cute, or you and your DH could go renew your vows somewhere private just the two of you.

Post # 57
Member
6297 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 2009 - New York, NY

You need to move on.  It’s done and by devoting time to those memories you are missing on the opportunity of being happy with your marriage and keep building a healthy and strong future.  It is true that your wedding day is a very important one, but it is because you marry the love of your life; everything else is frosting.  You can plan a vow renewal at some point, but don’t let your happiness rely on how well the events turn out; just focus on the feelings and make the decision to be happy no matter what.  

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