(Closed) Not the maid of honor for my best friend of 21 years

posted 4 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 16
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Oh NO! Please don’t complain to her and whine about how hurt you are.  You should be jumping for joy! From what I’ve read on weddingbee, the bride has a load of “expectations” of her Maid of Honor.  She gives her “jobs” and “duties” and if you don’t lift, tote and carry for her, while spending $1,000’s of dollars to fulfill her demands, you be a huge disappointment to her!  

I want to sincerely thank you for your service to our country but I think you’ve done enough “service” and just be thrilled to be a wedding guest!  Have a great time at the wedding! 😀

Post # 17
Member
373 posts
Helper bee

I am sorry you feel hurt.  I can validate and understand why you feel hurt. It is understandable considering  our history and length of friendship and of course the discussion about being Maid/Matron of Honor for each other.  True, we don’t know if it is geographical thing and some of the “duties” traditoinally woudl be easier for soemone closer or what the reaso is.  The problem or the challenge with everyone the bride or even you is that we all are such creative and unique and independent thinkers.  What we may think is logical is not always logical. That’s why we have Donald Trump as President.    Some people, I know you are shocked, think there is no way this man would be conasidered or shoudl be considered a candidate to be president of the united staesof america.  Soe thing he is a demi god.  We are fickle, illogical beings.   Try to remember it is an honor just to be in the wedding party.  I have no idea what the best way to “select’ your wedding party – should be base don how helpful they will be for the wedding, how much they did in the past, or look to their future and how you guys will bei nvolved or not.  in the end how mcuh does this friendship mean to you and is it worth talking about.

Post # 18
Member
412 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I will never understand the view of friendships on the Bee.  “Yes, your friend hurt your feelings. Do not talk with her about it. Just suck it up. They are your feelings. Don’t burden her with it.” Huh? I don’t know what a best friend or even a close friend is to some of you, but I expect my friend to be there for me, and I expect to be able to talk to my friend about anything. In return, I give the same thing. 

Sorry for the rant OP. Anyway, talk to your friend. Gently! Do not be accusatory and do not play a victim so that she feels guilty. Just approach it like a regular conversation. Honestly, she might have a logistical reason that she did not ask you. Or, it may be something that hurts your feelings, as in, she doesn’t think you two are very close any longer. If that is the case, then you need to accept that. Friendships sometimes are not the same in both parties’ eyes. Also, you can make an effort to be closer with her if that is the case. 

What you should not do is pretend. Don’t let this eat you up inside until it creates a bigger rift. Good luck OP, and KUP! 

Post # 19
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
zoraneale :  yes yes yes – a friendship is before the wedding and hopefully will still be there after the wedding! You shouldn’t be expected to put your friendship on hold because one of you is planning a wedding. Especially in OP’s case, when they’ve been friends for so long and have talked about being each other’s Maid/Matron of Honor. 

Post # 20
Member
122 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

View original reply
thesoontobemrsv :  I can totally see why someone constantly badgering you about why they’re not in your wedding party would be stressful and rude of your ex-friend. But in OPs case, since she’s talked about this with her friend before I think it’s reasonable for her to be able to have one conversation with her friend about what changed that she no longer wanted OP in the role.

Post # 21
Member
656 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
amb06h :  literally no. Wedding planning is stressful enough as it is without adding someone else’s hurt feelings over a choice you’ve made. Not her wedding, not her business. If her friend wants to change her mind that’s her perogative and OP needs to respect that. 

If OP actually values this friendship she’ll understand her friend made her choice and respect it for without making someone else’s wedding day about her. 

Post # 22
Member
11 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: May 2018

Has she picked bridesmaids yet? Maybe she’s going to ask you to be a bridesmaid rather than the MOH?

The topic ‘Not the maid of honor for my best friend of 21 years’ is closed to new replies.

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