(Closed) Not the news I was expecting

posted 5 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1630 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@Kakimax:  Yes you can do this!!! Two of my sisters got pregnant before marriage and were both not in the best financial places at the time. They now are married have more kids and are in much better places. Money DOESN’T make you a good mother. Your families judgement are feeble in comparison to raising a child. 

The most important thing is that you worry about you and your baby and not what your family is going to think.

 

With that being said, i’m totally pro-choice but I doubt your super religious family is…

Post # 4
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

You can do this. 🙂

I am religious as well, and pro-life. God forgives. He still loves you. Your family truly loves you, and they have to learn to forgive you, too. Lord knows they aren’t perfect.

Are you ready to get married now? I certainly don’t believe in ‘shotgun’ weddings/marriages, but if you and your SO are ready to get married anyway, now seems like as good a time as any. <3

Post # 6
Member
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Kakimax:  Then don’t force it. Wait til after the baby, and plan the wedding of your dreams

Post # 7
Member
3766 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

@Kakimax:  And congrats! This is a blessing, even though it is providing stress right now.

Post # 8
Member
2335 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

@littlemisst08:  +1.

I would also throw out, as a compromise with your family, that you could always opt to have a JOP wedding to make things ‘legal/official,’ and then after the baby comes along you guys could have an actual ceremony/vow renewal and reception for your extended family and friends. 🙂

Post # 9
Member
1630 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

Yea my one sister waited 7 years to get married after her first child and she is just as in love with her husband as she was before their child was born. They just waited for the right time for them. Marriage doesn’t always dictate commitment or love. They are both amazing parents and perfect for each other.

 

I would just roll with it and wait until the right time for you and your boyfriend. Don’t give into socities pressures or even your families. Do what’s right for you and your soon to be family!!

Post # 10
Member
9203 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

@Kakimax:  First off, I don’t think there’s anything that you need to be “forgiven” for by God or anyone else.  If you love your boyfriend and you don’t have a problem with pre-marital sex (along with most of the country here in the 21st century), then don’t feel guilty at all.  Your parents may have their own beliefs, but you are your own adult and you don’t need their approval if your values are different than theirs.  I do agree that their love for you and a potential grandbaby will overcome any disappointment in your choices.

Secondly, while money is definitely important in having a family, what’s more important is to raise a child in a loving, stable home with good supportive parents.  If you’re confident in your relationship and think you can provide that to your child, then you can totally do this!  If not, there are multiple options including abortion and adoption.  Personally, I don’t know that I would have been ready for a child at age 23 even though I was in a relationship with the love of my life and current fiance… But we probably would have gone for it anyway and looking back, it would have required different life choices but we would have pulled it off just fine.  If you are mature and have a strong partnership, you will be great parents.

Good luck love!  And congrats!! xox

 

Post # 11
Member
2906 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 1996

You can totally do this! It will be okay. Question – Are YOU disappointed in yourself for having premarital sex? Or do you think it’s okay to be intimate when you’re in a serious, loving relationship? If it’s the first, you should think about self-forgiveness. If it’s the second, I think reminding yourself that you have to live your own life, and not for your parents, would be helpful. I also think if you want a more traditional wedding experience, wait until the baby is born and then get married. He/she could be an infant flower girl or ring bearer! Please keep in mind that families come together in all different shapes and ways, and all of them are beautiful because they are about love and commitment.

Post # 12
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

YOU CAN DO THIS!!! I was 23 when I found out I was pregnant with my daughter and me and my SO (about to be Fiance 🙂 ) had only been together a few months!!! Whoops! We were totally unprepared (financially, emotionally) but we had a lot of love and support around us and made it happen. We started in a cramped apartment and we’ve now moved into a bigger apartment and I am blessed enough to be a Stay-At-Home Mom. He recently got a better job with better hours and we couldn’t be more blessed.

I know what you’re going through.. Our families were supportive but I was a manager at Chick Fil A – (christian based) and I got A LOT of unfortunate judgement and ugly comments there. I know it’s scary but I assure you it’s going to be the biggest blessing and you’ll be thrilled.

I see you’re GA — I live in Atlanta. PLEASE PM me if you need anything! Advice, someone to vent to.. etc I know what you’re going through!!

All the best to you and CONGRATS!

Post # 14
Member
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I agree with all the other positive comments. I assume you are planning on having the baby. (If not or you’re not sure, no judgement– you do what is best for you and your family.) I wouldn’t assume that your parents will be disappointed either. I have several friends who had surprise babies and their parents were all thrilled!

You’re not 16, you’re an adult. And i know that you never want to disappoint your parents, but part of rgowing up is forming your own beliefs and standing by them.

Post # 15
Member
699 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Kakimax:  Just don’t tell them yet. It no ones business but your own. Wait until you’re showing 3-4 months to let them in on it.

Post # 16
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I haven’t been where you are, but Fiance and I are from “good Catholic” families– the kind where my aunt works for the church. Looking through the church records, you are far from alone. About 1/2 of her church records had a wedding less than 10 months before a baptism (meaning knocked up brides). 1/3 of the pilgrims were pregnant at their wedding. And they fled the Catholic and Anglican churches because they were too liberal. 

First, figure out a plan. Are you going to keep the pregnancy> What does being pregnant mean for you two? Will you live together? Will you raise the kid together? Do you need to figure out child support? Tell your bf  you don’t need to figure it out now, but need to figure out a plan before Christmas. Then, after Christmas, you should tell each of your parents together.

FWIW, my Fiance and my parents are totally against pre-marital sex/living together/what not. When we moved in together (not approved, but our parents are dealing) my mom said to my Future Mother-In-Law “well, maybe this will mean we’ll get grandchildren sooner”. They would be happy if we had a child out of wedlock.

You can do this. They can’t fire you/demote for being pregnant. My dad’s boss was hired at 7 months pregnant and my sister in law got a promotion while on maternity leave. 

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