Post # 1
My SO is coming to visit for a week, I haven’t seen him in 3 months (we’re LD for school) and this semester has been way better (in terms of our relationship) than the previous one, and I’ve been so great about not bringing anything up and letting him take care of it since I have a timeline. But it’s getting down to signing leases for OUR apartment (I would move 500 miles to be with him once I graduated from grad school) and finding a job there and I just wish after 4.5 years there was a ring, that he made the effort, that it didn’t feel like I had to wake him up to make this a priority. He wasn’t going to propose until 2013 at the earliest until I said I was not comfortable moving without it, so we settled on a compromise, by 2 months after I move in. Just frustrated, I guess. Overwhelmed. My family understands my position, but doesn’t understand either why he won’t take care of business, so to speak. Sigh. It’s doubtful it’ll happen this next week, so it’s not worth even dreaming about it. Sigh. Thanks for the vent.
Post # 3
It’ll happen. When it does, the waiting will all seem worth it. Just try to enjoy your time together [easier said than done] and not stress about it [also easier said than done]. The wating was starting to really get to me, and it was really effecting our relationship. We had some talks, and they really seemed to help.
Post # 4
I’m going to play devil’s advocate for a minute here. What are you prepared to do if he doesn’t “take care of business” two months after you’ve moved in?
I’m living with SO now, so obviously I don’t have a problem living togethrt. But if he decided to move back to his farmhouse in TX I think I would have a hard time justifying the move without some sort of commitment.
Post # 5
He knows that if he lets me down shit will hit the fan and he’ll see anger like he’s never seen it before! And I will find a way to move out. I know he wants to get engaged, I just think he’s scared, and that’s why he kept putting it off. He wasn’t seeing how big a deal it was for me to move without commitment. To him, I’m asking you to move in with me, that’s a HUGE commitment, that should be enough for now. He’s working on his Ph.D. so I totally understand there is a lot going on in his life right now… and I do believe he will ask by the deadline HE set, it’s just hard and he doesn’t really get it. It’s not so much that I think I have to be engaged before I move in, it’s just because of the distance, finding a job (in the middle of nowhere) and after 5 years (by the time I move in) he should know, and if I wanted a fancy ring, then I would get it, he has to save up, but he knows what I’d like and it’s in reach now or soon. Being apart doesn’t help, I think, being together every day would actually make life waiting easier! I wouldn’t be having to make such huge decisions. I thought I was ok with waiting until 2013 if that’s what he needed but a few months ago I just snapped. I was like, I can’t do this. He’s 25, so I think he thinks he’s still a kid or something? That he’s not ready for something so huge? But he talks about the future and weddings and children…but it took me being upset for him to even consider that I’ve been waiting for over a year, and that I don’t want to have to make him care that much. Just writing this that sounds bad, I just think engagement wasn’t a priority for him. It was like, let me pass all my classes, pay off some student loans, spend time living with you, then I’ll propose. But no, I’m having to pull together all these loose strings of my life, I’m about to graduateaa, and just come on! He’ll be here in a couple of hours. I really doubt it’ll happen this week. Next chance would be May. Then not until I move in in August. So I’m guessing September, but maybe just so I don’t get my hopes up. I guess I never thought I would be this girl. I have been doing so well with waiting, just living my life and knowing that he wants a life with me. Anyway. End of rant number 2! I just hope that when it does happen, I am truly happy, and I don’t feel like, “finally…” He wants it to be a surprise, and I’m like, it wouldn’t have been a “surprise” for the last 1.5 years! By this point, if you wanted to make it some huge surprise and blindside me, you should have done it before I had to sit you down and say how important this is to me! Sigh.
Post # 6
@love108: Isn’t it funny how guys say they “want it to be a surprise.” I mean I want a surprise too, but you’re right. It can only be a surprise if you don’t expect it. My bf also says that he wants it to be a surprise. he tells me all the time he wants to marry me but then says “i don’t want to do it when you’re expecting it.” Well, sorry buddy, but after several conversations of this, hello, i do know you’re going to propose at some point because YOU TELL ME! oh boys, they are so confusing. They are so adament about the surprise, but if they really wanted it to be a surprise that bad, they should have done it a long time ago before we… oh i dunno… actually started talking about it! lol sorry, for that little rant.
Anyway, I hope you have a great time with your bf visiting, and who knows, you just might get your “surprise.” *i guess it can be a surprise if they catch us off guard, right* (totally just contradicted myself 🙂 ) well good luck and enjoy your time together 🙂
Post # 7
Don’t lose hope. You NEVER know! He could have it in the works…he must if he knows your timeline and plans to move in with you and have you travel far to do so. It’s hard to hang on till the end, but do try.
juneebee: You make some GREAT points.
Post # 8
- Wedding: June 2017 - Vegas Wedings
Yes! I dont understand the surprise thing at all. It would have been a surprise during our first year together, but now that we live together and have discussed it several times that just aint gonna happen. Now just go out and but the ring and we’ll all be happy 🙂
I think you bf being in grad school is the biggest culprit. Im around grad student a lot at work and those guys eat, breathe, and live their classes and research. I think you’ll have to take the reins and be prepared to do a lot of the heavy lifting in the relationship until he’s done. And men cant muti-task nearly as well as we can 🙁 Im sorry. But from the sounds of it he wants to be with you just has too many important distractions.
Post # 9
@love108: I hope it’ll happen soon for you