(Closed) Not to be rude:

posted 6 years ago in Rings
Post # 3
Member
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2014

@MrsJM2B:  Yes. I know someone who had her ring checked and when it was found to have a noticeable inclusion, she mentioned it to the guy, and that totally put him off the idea of marrying her because she kept going on about an upgrade. This was right after he gave it to her btw. 

but some guys are cool with upgrading and even expect it to come because even if the stone is beautiful, they might choose something “better” if they could… and that usually comes later with success in their career and good savings. 

I don’t really judge people on what they do. I don’t want to upgrade mine once I get it, but if other girls want to do this and they go about it in the right away with their husbands, who am I to judge? 

Post # 4
Member
1348 posts
Bumble bee

I was talking to my SO about this yesterday, if the relationship is strong enough the e-ring should be secondary to the relationship. I fully plan on coming up with the best my SO and I can afford when we most likely design my e-ring and get his e-watch.

I totally understand though if one ring was “supposed” to be the one and the SO/FI ended up picking a different ring without consulting first. 

Post # 5
Member
383 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

I can understand both sides.  I wanted my Fiance to pick out her engagement ring, she said no because she wanted to be totally surprised.  I think that because she has to wear it everyday she should get to decide what it looks like. She wanted everything to be a surprise and didn’t want to have any idea that a proposal was coming. She loves her ring and that I picked out.  When I gave it to her I asked if she wanted a bigger diamond or different setting and she said “why would I want to change anything, it’s perfect”. I know she loves it because it came from me and it symbolizes my love for her.  She is also the same woman who will proudly wear anything I knit for her because I made it with love.  Even the the very ugly first scarf I ever made when I learned how to knit!

I on the other hand was very specific about what I wanted. I told her what I wanted and she paid for it.  I do have some reasons for wanting a specific ring though, I work in the restaurant industry and can’t have anything that sticks out.  So I wanted a band with a diamond set in the band. I think she was a little sad that she didn’t get to pick out a ring for me, but she knows me well enough to know that I’m picky and if I’m going to wear something I should pick it out. 

I can understand wanting a particular style but I’m sometimes surprised at people who are upset their Fiance didn’t spend enough money on their ring.  While I was specific in what I wanted my Engagement Ring cost less than $100 and I love eveything about it, the way it looks, what it stands for and where it came from. 

Post # 6
Member
631 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m fully open about the fact that I don’t really like my ring. We just bought it while we were out one day because it was on sale. For the quality, it was a great price and we picked it up. My Fiance never put any effort into it, so he’s not personally offended that now I’m not so crazy about it.

BUT, if my Fiance had put effort into it and picked something out to propose to me with, I’m sure I would have loved it even if it were a 1/10 shaving.

Complaining right after you get the ring may be a little much, but maybe upgrading your center stone or setting for a big anniversary doesn’t rub me the wrong way. My wedding band is the one that I will be more attached to anyway, but that’s just my opinion. 🙂

 

Post # 8
Member
4464 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Before coming on the bee my experience with hearing about upgrading a ring was from what I knew from my grandparents. When they got married in the 1950s my grandmother got a lovely, dainty set that I now have (though I don’t use it as my e-ring). Many, many years later once they already had grown children my grandparents took a trip overseas and my grandfather bought her a magnificent stone and put it in a very unique gold setting. It was like her older more mature, we’re empty nesters now upgrade ring. My mom now uses that setting with a different diamond as a RHR on special occasions. I don’t think there’s anything inherently wrong with upgrading a ring, especially like the way my grandparents did it. I think there’s something romantic about my grandfather buying her this gorgeous new mature setting as a gift for a celebration of the new stage in their life. But going behind your FI’s back to upgrade or harping on about it right after you’ve gotten it because of stone size, for example, would be a different story.

Post # 10
Member
4478 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@MrsJM2B:  For the almost immediately side of things, I understand if the Fiance got a ring that just isn’t the girl’s style.  The first rings my SO showed me were totally not my style, and I wouldn’t have liked them, so I pretty much chose my ring, and am happy with that.  You should love the ring, and if your well intentioned SO gave you something you hate, best to let him know immediately so he can at least return it.

 

As for upgrading solely for size right off the bat, this sometimes does rub me the wrong way.  Diamonds cost thousands of dollars, for goodness sake!  If size is that important to you, and your SO doesn’t have thousands more to drop on an upgrade, go with a sim.  Now, if upgrading’s within your means and your SO’s happy with it, then go ahead.  

Post # 11
Member
659 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

My Fiance asked me right off the bat if I liked the ring, if it was big enough and if I would tell him if I didn’t like it.  I immediately reassured him that I was in love with every aspect of it from first sight (which I was as the ring was FAR more than I ever could have imagined my ring being).  I can’t imagine feeling any differently as I felt so incredibly lucky to have found someone who loved me enough to put a ring on my finger to be my friend, partner and husband “forever”.  🙂

Post # 12
Member
1114 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I have a very simple solitaire e-ring which my Fiance bought from saving his £20 per week Saturday job earnings at a go-kart track when he was 17.  Even now I sometimes wonder how he got the money together, but I never ask him.  I adore my e-ring.  Sure, if he proposed now (we’re 23 and he’s in a “real” job with a “real” salary) he might pick out something different, but it is hugely symbolic of our relationship and the fact that we were so committed to one another even at that stage.  I imagine one day I’ll get an eternity ring to wear in addition to my e-ring and wedding band, but I couldn’t imagine ‘upgrading’ it or replacing it.

Post # 13
Member
428 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

My ring is not what I would have picked out, but it’s what my fiance spent a LOT of time researching and sneaking around (it was a total surprise!) to get, so for that I love it. He bought it with his sister after weeks of research, flew to ask my parents for their blessing without me knowing, so I know the ring was purchased with so much care and love.

And honestly, he got something MUCH nicer than what I would have picked out… he spent way more money than I wanted him too! That’s the only thing I was a little botherd by… but in a good way 🙂

So I guess I agree with you… when someone puts so much love and care into something like an engagement ring, how can you complain? In the old days the woman didn’t pick ou the ring and tell her fiance which one to buy…. it should truly be a gift that he searches for, saves for, and gives to her as an expression of how much he cares for her. 

Post # 14
Member
4714 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1998

I started out with a .55ct princess, then for my 15th anniversary coming up my hubby upgraded me to a 1.02ct princess….I do not like the setting I have on this ring and for the price we couldnt pass it up so we bought it with the idea already in our heads that it would be upgraded again into a halo setting.

The ring to us is just a ring. My hubby wants me to be happy with it because I have to look at it every day. Our marriage is what is important. Asking for a new ring as soon as you get it is a bit sad but you have to be honest with each other from the start and it is ultimately up to them really ….not our concern IMO.

Post # 15
Member
812 posts
Busy bee

Personally, I would rather choose my own ring than have SO buy it for me, I think I’d be very self concious of a ring I didn’t like and would probably hesitate to show it off (sorrrrrreeeeeeee!) I know that’s harsh but it’s true

Post # 16
Member
785 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

I think society as a whole puts too much emphasis on the actual ring itself instead of the true meaning behind the ring. It’s very sad =/

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