Post # 1
Thought about posting this under a throwaway, but what the heck. I can take a little criticism if I’m just being a whiny baby about this, but please try to be nice. This is really hard for me 🙁
Darling Husband and I have been married for about a year and a half. We’re young, early twenties, Just bought our first house (closed on it last weekend! Yay!) and are in love with our two little furbabies. I am truly blessed and I am happy. All that said, there’s a place in my heart that I know won’t be filled until I’m a mother. Sometimes it’s just a little twinge of pain and sometimes it feels like a gaping hole. Darling Husband is wonderful and he hurts for me when I get sad about it, but he feels strongly that he wants us to be better financially before we try. We’ve made a plan and a budget to pay off the small amount of debt we acquired during a period where I was unemployed, and start a decent savings account. We have both agreed that we will be TTC within the next couple of years and for that I am super excited!
Here’s the thing though, it still hurts. I still want it now 🙁 Usually, I can distract myself and try not to let it get me down. The reason I’m coming here for (advice? support? Idk what…) is because I know that tomorrow is going to be a rough day for me. We are driving 4 hours to a funeral for a great aunt on DH’s side. I love his family and I’m looking forward to spending time with his grandparents and some other family members that I am close to. However, Darling Husband has two cousins around the same age as us who just had their babies (a month apart) a few months ago. Normally I wouldn’t think I would need to worry about it too much (it’s a funeral for goodness sake), but with these two I just have this feeling that they’re going to go on and on about their babies. Every family function since they got pregnant they’ve been the center of attention. I was crying as we left the 4th of July celebration because all night I just heard comments like “Oh, you’ll understand when you get pregnant.” “You’re lucky you can drink that beer, I want a beer soooo bad! I can’t because I’m pregnant!” “Where are my gummy worms? I need my pregnant lady food!” It’s not just obnoxious, but it hurts because I want to be a mother more than anything and I can’t very well tell them that they’re being cruel. Darling Husband tries to comfort me by telling me about how we still get to sleep in, go out with friends, and spend money on ourselves but it doesn’t comfort me. I’m afraid I’ll start a fight on our 4 hour drive home if I’m too dramatic about it. So I’m coming to you guys. Is anyone else here having a hard time with something like this?
Post # 3
I don’t have any advice. But I totally understand your feelings and I don’t think you are being whiny at all. Sending you virtual hugs! Hang in there.. Best of luck with the funeral (my condolences to your husband).
Post # 4
Aw that is hard! Have you thought about joining the waiting to TTC thread? I bet you would meet a lot of like minded ladies on there who feel your pain.
Post # 5
I can definitely sympathize about wanting a baby, but you’re being kind of harsh on the cousins. They aren’t being cruel and rubbing anything in your face, they are just in a different and exciting stage in their lives, one you will soon be in too. Pretty soon you’re going to be the one talking about cravins and showing off your baby, and you’ll want people to be excited for you too. You’re not barren, you just need to wait a little while until you’re financially secure, which is smart. Focus on being fabulous and having fun, and maybe share in the excitment with your cousins by offering to babysit or something and get some “training.”
Post # 6
Yep I get the pangs too and probably will find it really hard when my good friend gives birth in August.
Then I imagine what it would really be like with a baby, and reality sets in. We’ll be TTC in just under 2 years and while that feels like ages away, I plan to enjoy the ‘single time’ between now and then cos that time’s going to go fast. And once you have children, that time never comes back.
Post # 7
My best friend just had a baby and it has made my desire to be a mother go off the charts. That being said we are not ready to start having children just yet and while I want one timing is everything.
I completely understand where you are coming from. We also have furbabies and to be honest when those “pangs” set in I just hold my four legged kids just a bit closer. For now they will have to do.
Post # 8
@SnurfMurph86: <-this. Exactly this.
Post # 9
I say enjoy the time with your hubby… but I am just like you… my heart will not be complete until I am a mother. Being financially stable is very important, but it’s also important to realize that there is never going to be that “perfect” time to have children. I would say to focus very hard on paying of the debt that you currently have, but I wouldn’t be against having children sooner rather than later. No two couples are alike and the most important thing is to be open and on the same page with your husband.
Post # 10
I think its good you’re getting this off your chest here. I, and it seems many other ladies, totally get what you’re going through but obviously that can’t be part of the discussion at the funeral–which obviously you get.
I keep telling myself that I’ll never get this time alone with my husband again after children but that really isn’t easing the baby fever any more. Sorry its not better advice–but I’m with you.
Post # 11
No worries! I think it’s good to vent…lord knows I’ve used these boards for that purpose many times :-).
Sometimes, I think it’s just hard when you see other people getting what you wish to happen for you. It doesn’t make you a bad person at all. I have the horrible tendency to compare myself to others my age. Most are on their 2nd or 3rd kid, and we’re just starting to try for the 1st. I remember going through this with wishing for an engagement, then planning for the wedding, and now the whole kid thing.
One of my favorite song quotes comes from Baz Luhrmann’s “Everybody’s Free to Wear Sunscreen” song. It says “Sometimes you’re ahead, and sometimes you’re behind. The race is long, and in the end, it’s only with yourself.” There’s always going to be someone who has something you want, but on the flip side…you have things that others want! You’re married to the love of your life and you just closed on a house! I am so jealous of you for the house thing…we’re just starting the process and I’m so not looking forward to the process.
I wish I had better advice. It’s okay to be sad, though. Sometimes…you just have to vent it out.
Post # 12
Thank you ladies so much for your kind words!
I was a little annoyed at first because, like I figured, as soon as these cousins showed up it was just nonstop talk about their babies. At one point I turned away from them and rolled my eyes and my husband hugged me and whispered “You’re just upset because it’s not you. Don’t worry love, it will be us soon.” That made me feel a lot better. He was right, along with some pp’s here. I’m sure I am just being too hard on them because I’m jealous. I do think they’re a little over the top about it, but I’m going to try and cut them some slack.
Post # 13
Just wanted to pitch in and say that I had the baby fever BAD. So I totally understand!! We are financially stable and have been for a while but For us emotionally I was ready long before my Darling Husband and just had to be patient. It takes two to tango 😉
You are on the right track getting everything in order before you take the plunge. Try and take comfort in that you have found the perfect person to have a family with. Enjoy every minute of your time together. Everyone around me is falling pregant and i really really really wish it was me, it sure is hard no to be jealous but try and use it as a learning tool, get as much info out of them as possible. Babysit etc …..one day it WILL be your turn!!! Goodluck
Post # 14
I feel your pain! Everyone I know it seems are starting (or adding to) their families. It’s really tough. I’m coming up to our TTC date now, so it’s starting to get a bit easier. But the last 3 years have been rediculously hard to be patient and not to drive my Fiance crazy! He just doesn’t get it. That’s what makes it the toughest I think. For me at least. It seems most men don’t have that crazy need to have babies. It seems like it’s easier for it to be a logical step by step decision for them. Meanwhile every cell in my body is saying NOW! START NOW!
Post # 15
I COMPELTELY understand where you are coming from. Darling Husband and I have been together for 5 years and married for a few months. The ONLY thing holding us back right now is that we are not financially able and/or ready to have kids. But I have baby fever something awful. My heart ached for you and your situation as I ready your post, because I know how you feel. AND it doesn’t help at every family function ppl are asking us when and if we are going to get pregnant. I wish I had advice to give but I don’t. So like a PP did, I’m sending you virtual hugs to get you through. :-/
Post # 16
@swanks4tw: I understand your feelings – I have to wait 7 months before we will start (well assuming the stars are aligned and conditions are ideal – so our timeline could change) and I’m getting antsy. I strongly suggest you table the topic for the time being. If you bring it up, your husband might get irritated and an argument will ensue. Don’t punish him because he’s not ready and/or wants to be responsible and prepare emotionally and financially for such a HUGE responsibility. As much as I’m pulling a Veruca Salt – I WANT A BABY NOWWWW! – I actually thank God that my husband is the level-headed one! He will make comments about “We have to save X” or “Let’s pay off this debt” and while I’m jokingly pouting on the outside, we both know he’s right!
I suggest you take advantage of the time you have now. Travel, go out on dates, take up a hobby, sign up for a class, whatever! Because as much as a child is a blessing, they are a big responsibility and you will make sacrifices for them for YEARS to come! It’s not always going to be fun. They aren’t always going to be smiling and cooing and giggling. They WILL scream their heads off, crap all over the place, throw up on you, and frustrate you at times! Make sure you’re both emotionally prepared for that.
Best of luck to you both!