(Closed) Not used to feeling angry-

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Don’t talk to her until you’re ready to first of all, otherwise you run the risk of saying something you don’t mean. I would even go so far as to write down points as to why you’re upset, so when you do talk to her you can be clear and concise about it. I would let her know that you’re upset, that usually you’d be willing to let it go, but she did x, y, and z, and it made you upset and here’s why/how.

I don’t think you should get over it, I think you need to work through it. She’s not going to be happy about being confronted, but if you approach her with compassion and “Let’s fix this” then at least it won’t seem like an attack.

I’m sorry you’re having a rough time 🙁

Post # 5
Member
3569 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

I say tell her you are upset over whatever that happen and you need breathing space, then follow up with her later. I like to stew and calm down a bit before resolving issues so the only thing that would happen if someone kept calling me is me blowing up on them.

Post # 6
Member
6892 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I definitely think that @bakerella: pretty much knows everything and has great advice, duh.

But also, I think you need to talk about it with someone not close to the events for some perspective. I know it seems counterproductive to some and that not everyone agrees that you should talk about issues with others, but I do know that when I have issues I call up a girlfriend and lay out the situation as objectively as possible and ask their opinion – am I over-reacting or is there something there? I’m lucky enough to have girlfriends that see things very similarly to me but won’t have any issues saying “Chill out” when it needs to be said.

I also think that talking about it outside of the situation diffuses it a bit and prepares you for what may happen when you do discuss it with her, which I obviously think you should.

I agree with Bakerella that you need to take your time to cool off and then work it out, don’t just “forget” about it or “let it go” because it won’t go anywhere. You’ll just end up inwardly irritated and angry and it will only grow. That is never good!

Good luck and I’m sorry you’re dealing with this! XO

Post # 7
Member
10851 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@AmeliaBedelia:  Can we lobby for me to have an advice column?! LOL! Kidding kidding. Gotta say, I owe a lot of perspective to jerk ex-BFs who made me go to therapy, and a lot of watching Oprah (including her life class in Toronto, it was amazing!!).

I think previously I was a “fight it out, I have to say what’s on my mind NOW” type of person, but as I’ve grown and gotten older, I’ve learned when to back off and to collect my thoughts so I can approach the issue rationally and calmly. It’s hard to separate the emotion from the thought process, but it really helps. It really sucks to have to have the awkward conversation with someone to tell them that they’ve hurt you, so just remember that your friend on the other side is immediately going to be defensive and likely a bit surprised by what you have to say. Just stick to your guns and don’t end up being the one apologizing!

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