(Closed) Not wanting bouquet toss/garter toss – FH disagrees

posted 8 years ago in Reception
Post # 3
Member
70 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We’re having a lot of traditional vs. non traditional arguments.

Neither of us want a garter toss, but my Fiance thinks its really weird that I don’t want to do a bouquet toss. I had similar reasons as you – we’re not going to have many single women there, and the bouquet toss has been awful at most weddings I’ve been to – no one wants to catch it! He didn’t push the matter (obviously he can’t force me to do it!) but he did say that people will expect it. Guess they’ll be disappointed then ๐Ÿ™‚

Post # 4
Member
248 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

I agree with you and am not having them at my wedding, but more importantly I think your FI’s reasons aren’t good ones.  If he had said “I really want this”, then you would have more trouble, but as for what he said, well, “it’s fun” – no, not if the main participant doesn’t think it’s fun, then it’s not.  “everyone does it” – not true, but even if it were, so?  I really feel like this is one area where you don’t have to care about the feelings of your family or the guests (unlike, say, food, comfort, music, religious traditions, etc), so you should be able to do what you want.  And the person with the stronger feelings about it wins the argument, which is you, so there you go. 

Ha, I guess my strong feelings about this are coming through!  I don’t mean to be strident…

Post # 5
Member
1371 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

Maybe you can try to think of something to replace them?  I know some people do an anniversary dance, maybe think outside the box and see if he’ll go for it.  I’m fine with the bouquet toss personally, but the garter toss is not for me.  I do not want our families watching with his head up my dress, it totally creeps me out!

Post # 6
Member
6597 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2010

I usually go with anything my Fiance wants because he doesn’t want much; however, it seems like you two are constantly compromising on things so I guess you have to decide if this is one of the battles that you want to pick. Could he do a garter toss and you not do a bouquet toss? Or maybe he would like the idea of an anniversary dance?

P.S. I grew up in Ajax, until I moved to London for University and never left ๐Ÿ˜‰

Post # 8
Member
300 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

We’re not having either at our wedding which disproves one of your FI’s points. ๐Ÿ˜€ Show him this thread and remind him that if everyone jumped off a cliff would he follow?

I’ve also bent a lot for my Fiance in things like not having a dance, the venue, etc. so I’ve had to put my foot down on some things and tell him WHY I’m saying no. He might get upset with you at first, but I think you need to do the same. It’s not a big deal for someone to skip out on something they thing is fun but it IS a big deal for someone to do something they are completely uncomfortable with and embarassed by.

Post # 9
Member
2695 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: April 2010

We aren’t having them in the traditional sense of out in the middle of the dance floor with guys catching garter and girls catching bouqet.

Instead we are going to toss them after we reach the car on our get-away. That way we get to toss them for the fun of it, but yet not single any of our last remaining single friends out or by having his head up my dress.

Maybe think about that option and see if he’ll go for it.

Post # 10
Member
1562 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

not really in the same situation – but we BOTH decided NOT to do either the bouquet toss or the garter toss  mainly because of the reasons you stated – a. it can be tacky and b. we don’t have really that many single friends cept for a handful and those that we do wouldn’t want to do one anyways…

Post # 11
Member
7975 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

I have had to do a LOT of reasoning with J; he has had as many opinions on the wedding as I have! What I find works best for us is if I can give him a really clear and well thoughtout reason WHY I want something specific. Then he either understands or gives in, I’m not sure which, haha.

“it’s tacky” is kind of a vague answer. Maybe you can talk about how these events at other weddings have made you feel (WHY don’t you go up?) and explain that those are not feelings you want anyone else to have during your celebration.

Post # 12
Bee
2362 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2010 - New York Botanical Garden

we’re not having either one either!  I think the idea to find a fun substitute is a great idea!  At jewish weddings, a lot of times the guests will prepare things to “entertain” the bride and groom (and consequently all of the other guests), this could be a fun way to incorporate your friends and get a good laugh!

Post # 13
Member
435 posts
Helper bee

 Could you just do a bonquet toss and skip the garter? I don’t see why you can’t just throw the bouquet to any lady who wants to try to catch it, not just single ones. 

Post # 15
Member
44 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: October 2010

If your guy is anything like mine, the ONLY reason he wants to do the garter toss is because he gets an excuse to reach up your skirt in public! Tongue out  What we’re thinking of doing is instead of doing the traditional bouquet/garter toss is to have him remove the garter from my leg (since that’s one of the few things he’s cared about as far as wedding planning goes, so I want to make him happy) and then immediatly proceed into a “generations dance”, as so many of the other bees have suggested.  The winner would recieve the garter and bouquet, and the husband gets to “reenact” that part of their wedding by putting the garter on his wife if they so choose. 

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