(Closed) Not Wanting Kids Is Entirely Normal

posted 5 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you give up your child if you had the opportunity to?
    NEVER! This should not be an option. EVER. : (82 votes)
    23 %
    Maybe. If I had no other choice. : (32 votes)
    9 %
    Maybe, if I hated being a parent. : (10 votes)
    3 %
    Yes, if I had no other choice or support. : (18 votes)
    5 %
    Yes, in a heartbeat. : (8 votes)
    2 %
    This should be an option everywhere for people who figure out that they can't be good parents. : (62 votes)
    18 %
    This article makes me sad. : (68 votes)
    19 %
    This article enlightened me. : (24 votes)
    7 %
    I wouldn't do it, but I can't judge those who do. : (45 votes)
    13 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2214 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I have problems with people abandoning their older children, but I agree that not wanting kids is entirely normal and that there are probably a lot of people out there (probably more than will admit outwardly) that feel motherhood isn’t for them. I totally respect people’s decisions not to have children, to have abortions, give babies up for adoption, or utilize safe haven laws. I think the line is drawn once you decide to raise the child though. After months or years, you can’t just change your mind and decide parenthood isn’t for you. I think it’s one decision you have to stick with.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3771 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: August 2013 - Brookfield Zoo

    I voted that I would give up my child if I had no other choice/support, and that the article both made me sad and enlightened me.  I can’t believe that giving up a child under the age of 18 but older than, I don’t know, newborn! is a possibility for some people.  A 17 year old!?  I mean I can believe it but I think it’s absolutely ridiculous, and totally sad for the children being given up who are well aware that they are being abandoned (I’m thinking over the age of 2 you’d at least realize something was wrong).

    -edited to add, I already knew that not wanting kids is entirely normal and do not plan to have kids LoL-

    Post # 6
    Member
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I’m not sure how I feel about this, but I know that if I was stuck with a child I didn’t want, I’d be very very depressed. I wouldn’t allow myself to possibly be in that situation though, because having a child is a commitment.

    Post # 9
    Member
    3357 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @PeeIBee:  it’s a terrible way to live, really. I’m personally CBC, but I’m bombarded with “But children are such a joy!” and “It’s different when it’s your own”. Uh no. No. This article just proved it. It could totally go that way for me, and I would feel trapped. Trapped and helpless.

    Post # 11
    Member
    13101 posts
    Honey Beekeeper
    • Wedding: July 2010

    I think not wanting kids is entirely normal (although I fall on the other end of the spectrum in that I want kids more than anything).

    But if you don’t want kids, don’t have them.  IMO, once you’ve commited to raising a child, you’re committed until the end.  Just dropping off a toddler, young child or teenager because you changed your mind isn’t at all acceptable to me.

    Post # 12
    Member
    9145 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    My state passed a law recently where Child Protective Services can step in and remove a child when a parent calls the abuse hotline and says they cannot handle the child and do not want them anymore.  Since I have been working pretty closely with CPS I completely agree with this option.  I would rather a parent admit they are unable to parent a child and that child be safely removed from their care than force the parent to continue parenting that child.

    Too many times CPS doesn’t get involved until the parent has abused that child they didn’t want to have or keep and by then you have an even more damaged child.  Alternatively, we had children who were trying to kill their parents and siblings and the parents had exhausted all of their options and were at the end of their rope as parents.

    I completely support anybody who says they don’t want kids.  I may tell them that they might change their mind but I would never tell somebody who said they didn’t want kids that they should have them.  Kids are a lot of work and they take a lot out of you with very little in return so I can easily see why somebody wouldn’t like the idea of being a parent.

    P.S. So long as the parent actively gives up custody of the child to CPS and there are no other allegations of abuse or neglect, no criminal charges are filed against the parent (this was the crucial part of the law that changed.)  If you are in Florida and plan to do this, I do suggest speaking with a family law attorney first to make sure your situation matches that required by the statute.

    Post # 13
    Member
    9145 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    However, CPS offers free family counseling for just in case they change their mind.  (And the abandoned child always gets individual counseling to deal with the entire situation.)

    P.S. It does not absolve you of child support for that child and the State can go after you to recoup benefits given to your child while in CPS care and custody.

    Post # 16
    Member
    9145 posts
    Buzzing Beekeeper
    • Wedding: November 2013 - St. Augustine Beach, FL

    @PeeIBee:  That is the same concern I always had.  They do tons of counseling before reunification but that child will always have in the back of their head that mom/dad doesn’t want or love them.  It’s always a mutual decision by the child and the parent whether to reunite and the child’s individual therapist also gets a say in whether they are reunified.

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