(Closed) Not Wanting Kids Is Entirely Normal

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you give up your child if you had the opportunity to?

    NEVER! This should not be an option. EVER.

    Maybe. If I had no other choice.

    Maybe, if I hated being a parent.

    Yes, if I had no other choice or support.

    Yes, in a heartbeat.

    This should be an option everywhere for people who figure out that they can't be good parents.

    This article makes me sad.

    This article enlightened me.

    I wouldn't do it, but I can't judge those who do.

  • Post # 17
    Member
    3354 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    View original reply
    @PeeIBee:  funnily enough, in my situation, it wasn’t family who was asking. It was friends. two weeks into my marriage and people were just asking and asking and asking. I finally posted a FB status actually telling people to LAY OFF and BTFO before I do damage.

    This article saddens me, however. The fact that this is really happening, just confirmed one of my terrors about being a parent.

    Post # 18
    Member
    3885 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    There needs to be some sort of safety net for parents who, for whatever reason, cannot raise their kids.  It shouldn’t be only that CPS comes in once there’s been horrible abuse or neglect. Not only does so much of this abuse and neglect go unreported, the reported abuse/neglect has already happened, and already caused damage, by the time that it’s reported.  

    In the end, it’s the child that suffers more than anyone and there should be a legal, non-judgemental way to help prevent problems from getting to that point. The legal ability to give the child up, or if the child is old enough, more of a social acceptance of emancipated minors, is just one part of the puzzle. There should also be some sort of social work geared towards keeping the families from falling this far apart in the future. But as it is, if you want social worker help, you don’t get it until you’ve already started beating your kids or kicked them out of the house.

    Post # 19
    Member
    5091 posts
    Bee Keeper
    • Wedding: January 2012

    This article scares me.  I want children eventually, but I do worry that I’ll feel trapped and lose the opportunity to do everything I enjoy.  DH, on the other hand, wants kids more than anything in the world.  Fortunately, I know that I’ll definitely be able to depend on him to do an equal share of taking care of our future children.

    Post # 20
    Member
    1578 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: June 2013 - Country Club

    This article just made me feel really, really sad. If you don’t want kids, don’t have them. If you make the choice to rear children then stick with your commitment because a five year old would know that he was basically given away. 

    Post # 21
    Member
    684 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: February 2010

    I know I would not be a good parent, just ask my dead plants, my poor cat and.. well… myself … if I ever remember to feed myself..

    Joking aside, taking care of someone is an enormous responsibility and it is not for every Joe Schmo out there. I choose a responsible choice the same way I would walk away from driver’s seat of the car if I was drinking.

    I wish people would stop peer pressuring others into doing something they have no interest in doing.

    Post # 24
    Member
    10635 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: January 2011

    There’s nothing wrong with not wanting kids.

    I think it’s sad to have kids and not want them.  Parents should always be able to have a safe place for their kids to go if neccessary though.  It doesn’t always mean they don’t want their children either.

    A single parent in a hospital for a long time is unable to care for a young child, it doesn’t mean they don’t want their child.  A parent struggling with a mental disorder also might not be able to provide proper care, and I think admitting that they cannot care for their wanted child (either for good, or just temporaily) is important and shows more love for that child than someone who allows the child to be neglected just because they want to keep them.

    Post # 25
    Member
    2605 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Better they surrender them before a child welfare department has to step in and remove them from abuse I suppose… but how awful.

    I get hassled by family about our choice not to have children, and my SIL asked me the other day “are you sure we can’t talk you into it??” and my reply was “would you really want to?”  Having children isn’t something you should be talked into, it should be something you wholeheartedly desire to the very core of your being, because as some of the mothers in this article said, it is an extremely difficult and mostly thankless job… the kind of job that only those who want it desperately are really prepared to do.

    Post # 27
    Member
    230 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I do not have children and made up my mind years ago that I would never have children.  However, if for some unknown reason (i.e. abortion is banned in the US, adoption suddenly ceases, etc.) I would have a child and would have to keep it, I would give the child up in a heartbeat (yes, I am the 1 vote listed above).  I know that I would not be a good mother, and knowing that you would not be a good mother is better than forcing yourself to try to be a good mother at both your expense and the expense of your child. 

    Post # 29
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    View original reply
    @PeeIBee:  I was so afraid I would regret having a child, it was a huge fear.  I feel so badly for people who do since it’s not really a decision most people can undo.  I was so relieved that I actually love my kid and love being a mom and have never regretted it for a minute, but I would have felt better knowing that for sure while I was pregnant.

    And I hope that living in a society where choosing to be be child free is more acceptable will reduce the amount of children born to parents who don’t want them.  I can’t imagine anything sadder for both the child and the parents.  I have many friends who are happy and open with their choice to remain childless, and I think it’s awesome- because 30 years ago they would have felt a lot more pressure to buckle to societal norms.

    Post # 30
    Member
    4950 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: October 2018

    I understand staying childfree, though I personally want kids. I understand giving up a child you are no longer physically capable of taking care of.  I also understand giving up an unwanted newborn or infant. My youngest FSIL’s biological mom did it. She was a drug addict and, shortly after she gave birth, she left the hospital without her daughter. 

    The need for the save haven laws is clearly there, but I think it’s an overall very sad situation. I think, if you don’t want to be a parent, then 1. Take every possible and healthy preventative measure and 2. Utilize the safe haven laws ASAP. Don’t wait until your kid is 5 or 12 or 17! 

    Post # 31
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee

    I am so sick of hearing about how I will change my mind once I have my own kids. I get lectured from time to time by others who have come around to the idea, who were CBC before but then changed their minds and love their kids now. No, it’s not a given that I WILL want and enjoy kids! It’s not a given that I WILL be satisfied with being a mother! Just because you came around to it doesn’t mean that I will.

    I could see myself feeling trapped if I had a child, particularly if my partner wasn’t taking on as much responsibility as I’d find fair. The comments of it feeling like a prison sentence resonated with me – that’s how I’ve been describing grad school, and that’ll be over in two and a half months! I can’t imagine my ‘freedom’ date being 18 years in the future.

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