(Closed) Not Wanting Kids Is Entirely Normal

posted 8 years ago in Parenting
  • poll: Would you give up your child if you had the opportunity to?

    NEVER! This should not be an option. EVER.

    Maybe. If I had no other choice.

    Maybe, if I hated being a parent.

    Yes, if I had no other choice or support.

    Yes, in a heartbeat.

    This should be an option everywhere for people who figure out that they can't be good parents.

    This article makes me sad.

    This article enlightened me.

    I wouldn't do it, but I can't judge those who do.

  • Post # 32
    Member
    1766 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: April 2011

    I totally support other people’s decision not to have children.  But then don’t have them! Or give them up for adoption while they are newborns. Giving them up when they are 13? Sheesh! What parent wouldn’t want to give their pubescent, rebellious teenager away?  At that stage, you are in it for the long haul!

    Post # 33
    Member
    365 posts
    Helper bee

    View original reply
    @Sunchick19:  And I hope that living in a society where choosing to be be child free is more acceptable will reduce the amount of children born to parents who don’t want them. 

    THIS. It’s real easy to judge people who want out once they have kids; but who knows what kind of pressure they were under? I’m sure more than a few newlyweds on this site can attest to the fact that people will start talking about kids before you even get out of your wedding dress, and that there’s an incredible amount of pressure to continue your family, to give your parents some grandchildren, to take the next “logical step” in your relationship and make a baby. I wonder how many people who would give their kids away even felt they had the chance to say no, or had the chance to give it deep thought.

    If I ever have a kid, I’ll consider it a lifelong commitment… I won’t ditch my teenage son even if it’s legal. But rather than condemning these people point-blank, let’s ask waht are the situations that led them to this point, and how can we better support them?

    Maybe the first step is to stop condescending commentary about how “you’ll change your mind someday” and “you’ll love your kids once you have them”.

    Post # 34
    Member
    3354 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    View original reply
    @koveline:  I completely agree with both of your posts. I’m almost exhausted just dealing with people asking when my DH and I are going to have kids.

    STOP. @#$%ING. ASKING.

    It’s NOT the natural next step for EVERYBODY, okay?! I’m not weird nor strange for not wanting children, okay?! I rather not have children than have them and hate them and myself.

    Post # 35
    Member
    2116 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: October 2013

    I agree that not wanting kids is entirely normal. I agree with adoption as an option.

     

    I don’t agree with driving 1200 miles to abandon your 14-year-old son even if it is legal :

    Post # 38
    Member
    3667 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2015

    Oh, wow. That’s intense.

    There was actually a thread about this on the Bee a few months back: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/parents-only-do-you-regret-having-children

    I totally get not wanting children, terminating a pregnancy, or having them and giving them up while they’re still newborns. But if the child is old enough to understand that s/he’s being abandoned, that’s not okay IMO.

    But to play devil’s advocate, I hate the gender double standard that the article pointed out. People barely blink when a father abandons his kids, but when a mother does it, all hell breaks loose. They’re both equally crappy.

    Post # 39
    Member
    326 posts
    Helper bee

    Saying a parent has to face up to their responsibilities is fine. But if a child is aware that they are unwanted then they are probably best off with someone else raising them. Not everyone wants to be a parent. Adoption needs to be more socially acceptable. Having a parent that is there because they feel they have to parent and not becuase they want to parent can’t be a pleasant experience. 

    Post # 40
    Member
    2695 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2008

    View original reply
    @PeeIBee:  I agree!  I suspect that people who are CBC put far more thought into their decision than the average person who has kids.  

    Post # 41
    Member
    3216 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: February 2012

    I think people should take responsibility for their actions, but I would much rather have someone give up their child than put them in a life-threatening situation.  I have zero sympathy for anyone who knowingly puts an innocent child’s life in danger just because they “don’t want to be a parent”. 

    Post # 42
    Member
    141 posts
    Blushing bee
    • Wedding: May 2013

    @PeeIBee:  I hate the “you’ll regret it line” too. Better to regret not having them than to regret having them/having to give them up!

    That article makes me sad, but it’s eye-opening and I’m glad you posted it. I feel like if sex ed/birth control was more readily available than women wouldn’t be put in this awful position.

    Post # 43
    Member
    3354 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    View original reply
    @Regina Phalange:  that’s because of the conditioning that people have, for some reason, that mothers who abandon their children are unnatural. Women who don’t want children are unnatural. Etc.

    Post # 45
    Member
    1652 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    This is sad and shocking. If you don’t want kids don’t get pregnant.

    Post # 46
    Member
    4369 posts
    Honey bee

    View original reply
    @Regina Phalange:  I agree. One of the reasons I don’t want kids is because what if I regret it? You can’t put them back! But to abandon a child who understands what’s going on– that is really cruel. That’s a feeling, functioning human being we’re talking about here. I can’t imagine the kind of psychological problems someone like that would have, being abandoned by their parent after living their entire lives with them.

    The topic ‘Not Wanting Kids Is Entirely Normal’ is closed to new replies.

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