- 8 years ago
- Wedding: October 2010
Mom – 5 siblings:
DC – lives here in Toronto | DP – lives here in Toronto | L – lives in Florida | M – lives in Florida | S – no idea where she lives
My relationship with DC, DP and L is fine.
I don’t speak with S – she disowned herself from the family 15 years ago after accusing DP of sleeping with her ex-husband. Haven’t seen / spoken with her since.
M and I had a great relationship until 4 years ago. At the time, my mom was on compassionate leave because my grandmother was dying. He was living with my parents and I, and it was a tough couple of years caring for him.
When the time came that we knew he was leaving us, M and L came up to say their goodbyes. Instead of trying to help my parents and I care for grandpa, she cause a huge ruckus in the house – overstaying her welcome on my mom’s terms, causing several food fights out of anger, and physical harrassment to my mom. The basis of her anger? She didn’t understand why mom wasn’t taking the time to ask her about her new job. Mom was too busy taking care of grandpa 24 hours a day / 7 days a week. She had several blowouts in front of the entire family – disrespecting my parents, and my dying grandfather in front of him. Comments were made that I feel are unforgiveable.
Fast forward: I’m getting married!
I made it pretty clear to my mom that I did not want M and S at the wedding. She understood S, and when I stated my case for M, she was ok with it.
I sent a STD to L, because clearly she was invited.
I had a long conversation one night with L about life, wedding stuff, etc. She asked if I was inviting M, and I told her no, and explained to her my case.
I don’t feel like I need to explain my choices to anyone, this is MY wedding, and it’s MY choice, and my parents, who are helping with the wedding, are ok with these choices.
With that conversation, L was pretty upset that I wasn’t inviting M. I understand her situation – the two of them live in Florida together and really only have each other for family. BUT – a) you made the choice to move down there; and b) who is holding a gun to your head? is someone stopping you from coming to Canada to visit your ENTIRE family?
I’ve recently found out that L isn’t going to come – and her only reason is because I’m not inviting M. She plans on coming up 4 months after my wedding for my cousin’s, because he’s inviting her, but apparently I’m not worthy of her support.
So now I don’t really feel like even sending L an invitation. I know it’s the right thing to do, but I’m beyond annoyed with this whole situation. I am really tempted to call her and say look, you’re always complaining you don’t get to see the family enough, I’ve extended this invitation and now you’re coming up with excuses? Don’t expect me to keep in contact when you’re not willing to do the same. I know my mom will tell me to send the invite anyway, but I feel like it’s going to be a waste of money and a waste of my emotions because I’ll be angry when I get the NO response back.
What would you do in my situation?
**Edit – I’m contemplating giving her a call and saying I hear you don’t want to come to the wedding because of all of this. Can you let me know so I don’t have to bother sending an invitation?