- 2 months ago
Hey everyone… just looking to get a little rant out here. First time was marked as SPAM so I am trying again 0_o
I am a competative powerlifter… that became my sport after I had to retire from roller derby after a bad leg break. In November, I was injured at work and have been unable to lift since. It is depressing as all hell. On Friday… I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia and now they say I might not be able to lift again due to all the pain and muscle strain I have now. In fact, they put me on 8 weeks of leave from work to just try and get all the inflamation down. I am in constant pain.
… I have never been a “small girl” and I have played sports my whole life… I need to compete in something in order to feel like a worthy human being. I know this isn’t the healthiest outlook but it is where I am at now.
I am in counseling… I am still dealing with all the parenting agreement stuff with my kids dad who is so passive at home but plays this “keeping up appearenced” game in front of others. He is so fake whenever someone is watching… its infuriating. He also has been lying in our family counseling sessions and I am just so frustrated.
My kiddo was recently diagnosed with ADHD and that has been a struggle. School was always an issue but now we have school drama mixed with her trying to regulate medication and stuff.
I can’t stop thinking about how fat and worthless I feel when I am not doing something athletic.
I had to of course, change from a powerlifter diet to a normal human one and that has been a struggle… I gained some weight after my injury in November and so I decided this past week to sign up for Weight Watchers to try and drop about 50-80lbs while I can’t lift and of course healthy eating is good for inflamation too.
Just so blah… I know tomorrow is a new day but today is just taking far too long.