(Closed) Not What I Envisioned… (Long Rant)

posted 9 years ago in Pregnancy
Post # 3
701 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

I know it’s not advice you want to hear, but I would give him a little time. Men have a hard time taking in big things and sorting through them PLUS he’s sick. If he’s anything like every guy I’ve ever met he might as well be in a coma if he’s not feeling well.

Tell him that tomorrow you’d like to meet for lunch or something and talk about it.

Post # 5
5295 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

@Anriya:  give him a little time. I’m sure it’s a big shock for you. And do whatever you want with the wedding – I’ve sung at weddings where  the couple’s child is only a  couple months old, and my photog did awesome photos for a couple that were about 6 months along – you can’t even tell! There’s no reason you can’t still have your wedding if the pregnancy is progressing as expected. 

Post # 6
904 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

Hopefully after he’s had time to process he’ll at least agree to the smaller wedding. It sounds doable and lovely. Good luck, and congrats. 

Post # 7
11 posts
  • Wedding: September 2012

I agree with everyone else. Let him sit on it and give him a few days. Don’t bring it up or press him about the issue. He just needs to process it and let him bring it back up.

However, congratulations to you two!! Good luck with everything!

Post # 8
4322 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: January 1992

@Anriya:  Hi, i was in your shoes a month ago, and had a very lack-luster reaction from my husband too. Unfortunately for me, I couldn’t keep the baby anyway because I’m not in the best of health to support pregnancy, but his reaction to the news still has me scratching my head.

If you  need to chat, or just want general support, feel free to PM me.

Post # 9
1433 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2010

Well, like pp said, your fiance’s reaction is normal right now. Men don’t handle weddings well + don’t handle pregnancy well + get cranky when they’re sick. So, of course you can;t talk to him and I totally understand that. I hope we’re able to help!

1. Congratulations: you may not feel it now but this is AMAZING and it will be sooo nice to prep for this baby once this all settles down:) 

2. You can still have a very small wedding and move up the date significantly so that you won’t be showing. But obviously it has to be on a tiny budget because the baby’s needs come first. I am sure you’re Fiance will come around to this….just not today…maybe not this week!

This will be OOOOK. It’s just tought at first but once the wedding issue is resolved, it will be smooth from there. You will be happily married, expecting and happy:) This is just a bad day/week/time to find out and then try to make big-time decisions all at once. 

Post # 10
2140 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: August 2010


Secondly, I’m so sorry he reacted the way he did. ๐Ÿ™ But think of your reaction at the clinic that you were snapped out of due to the lady speaking about abortion/adoption. Your Fiance hasn’t had that “snap out of it” phrase yet and he’s sick so likely he’s foggy.

And don’t worry about your folks! I’m sure they will be thrilled that they will be grandparents!!! ๐Ÿ™‚

I agree with you & others that a small wedding earlier is probably the wisest choice.

Congrats again!

Post # 11
772 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2011

Don’t feel like you have to tell your parents tomorrow.  I would wait a week or two so you and your Fiance can try to work through this first.  Ultimately, you and your Fiance need to come to terms with this just the two of you.  It’s quite a shock I am sure. 

You can tell them later, and adjust any of the wedding plans.  Don’t rush things.


Post # 12
1774 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

While I have never been in your shoes, I think it is important to remember that he is reacting to big, unexpected, life-changing news while he is sick.  When my husband is sick, he doesn’t react well to almost anything.  Hug!  Try to give him time and I bet he will come around.

Post # 13
784 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2012

Good luck miss, I just wanted to send my love and support your way.  Oh and CONGRATS!

Post # 14
234 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Congrats! No matter what people say or how they react, having a baby is a miracle and a blessing in disguise. I completely understand about not good timing. DH and I found out we were expecting about 2 weeks after he lost the best job he’s had in a long time. We lost his income….and health insurance. Be patient, as hard as it is sometimes….things will work out but don’t stress….baby needs you to right now! ๐Ÿ™‚

 Keep your chin up.

Post # 15
1675 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2010

Congrats!  As others have said, I know it will be hard, but you have to give him some time.  My husband didn’t have the reaction that I was looking for when I got pregnant either… and we were *trying* to get pregnant.  It just takes time for them to come around, since they’re not experiencing the physical reality of the pregnancy.

Post # 16
1626 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2011

Congrats… he’ll come around… my DH is insufferable when he’s sick.  He would probably react the same way even though he’s attentive and caring the rest of the time.  Maybe just tell him that it’s important for you to celebrate the marriage with close family and friends and show him this: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/my-3000-wedding-did-i-use-my-budget-well  I don’t know what your budget was before but a small intimate wedding can be incredibly gorgeous and special.  That way it could be earlier and you could still wear your dream dress ๐Ÿ™‚

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