Not what I expected now its over

posted 2 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee

I feel ya! Weddings often cause so much drama and stress! It’s kinda ridiculous how many negative emotions go into it considering the end result is a marriage which is meant to be a meaningful and joyful thing 😅

Before I got engaged I was that person who had a bazillion wedding boards on Pinterest and all these plans. But when I got engaged, I gave it a ton of thought and decided I wanted planning to be as stress free as possible! I hired a decorated, told them a general idea of what I wanted but nothing insanely specific so that I didn’t have any specific or high expectations. I picked a dress and then unfollowed every social media page that posts dresses so I wouldn’t second guess myself. I chose a very typical menu which sounds boring but at least it was guaranteed to taste good and appeal to everyone. My cousin did my makeup so I had unlimited trials and was comfortable telling her what I did and did not like. I honestly loved how chill I was and it helped by keeping things simple! But there were still so many variables out of my control that stressed me like weather! I’ve had cousins do fancier weddings and that’s 100% cool as it was their dream. But they were significantly more stressed than I was leading up to the wedding and their to-do list seemed never ending! My experience definitely solidified that’s I don’t want to throw any large 1st bday parties for my future kids and such. Glad you still enjoyed your wedding- I’m sure the stressful moments were still worth it for the most part! And I’m sure you’re not the only one who was relieved after the planning was over. Some people have post-wedding blues and others don’t. Both emotions are normal and valid! I missed pinning things on Pinterest after the wedding for sure though so now it’s onto a billion boards for our future house 😂

Post # 4
Member
1235 posts
Bumble bee

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HarveySpecter :  family pressure is the absolute WORST! I fought tooth and nail for a 100 person wedding. My culture averages 300-500 people easy! And if had a 300 person wedding, I would have known everyone there! So it’s not like I didn’t want a wedding with strangers. I just wanted to keep it simple and not waste money for no reason. That was my biggest hurdle and it was right at the start of all the planning 😂 and yeah I got remarks about irrelevant things too and I’m sure the same people themselves didn’t even notice the lack of those minor details on the wedding day either 🤦🏻‍♀️ Like no mom, I don’t need my wedding invites to have gold foil trimmings for $200 extra!!! Lol there were definitely aspects of planning that 100% sucked. It’s not all rainbows and butterflies. 

Post # 5
Member
995 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

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HarveySpecter :  I had absolutely zero post wedding blues!!! I was happy it was done although I was bummed we didn’t do enough of the “fun stuff” we had at our wedding and was bummed about some pictures I didn’t insist on taking with certain groups of family. 

Post # 6
Member
477 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I was so relieved when ours was over and have experienced no wedding blues. It was really fun but life moves on! A wedding is just one day. So I totally feel you!

Post # 7
Member
2661 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2015

I was so happy to be done and dusted. We only had ten guests! The day was great. The issue was what happened as soon as people found out I was engaged: wild requests, unsolicited ‘advice’, pressure from people I barely knew, people questioning our simple but elegant choices, questions about babies afterwards and if I was pregnant then, friends who thought they were automatically invited and as bridesmaids, flack for having a child free wedding, flack for having a device free wedding, people who judged me for keeping my name and telling me I’d change my mind, judgement on my rings, people asking why I hadn’t booked a venue yet just a week after engagement, and people who thought I’d have had my wedding planned out from the time I exited the birth canal. I’ve never experienced such stress and anxiety (introvert) and we ended up postponing the wedding because it wasn’t a pleasant experience and then quickly pushing it up just to get it over and done with.

So congratulations to you both on your nuptials, but yes, what a relief! 

Post # 8
Member
722 posts
Busy bee

I love being married. I loved my wedding day. The preparation for it? Not so much. 

Post # 9
Member
2081 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2019

I felt that way too! We got married just over a month ago and I am so relieved it was over. I will say that there are many many things that I could choose to be upset over how they went. My bff was a complete asshole the whole wedding weekend, i forgot a major piece of our candy table at our house, my wedding hair and makeup wasn’t my favorite etc. etc. But in reality everyone had a blast, I loved spending the time with family and i am glad its over. It did make me realize however that weddings really aren’t worth the stress. If I could do it all over again I would reduce our guest list even further down to 30 people. We had 87 people and the day went by so fast I hardly remember it! 

I also didn’t realize how much i didnt’ like being the center of attention. Having people stare at me all day was super uncomfortable. I felt the same way at my wedding shower. That taught me that i will never do that again. If we did a baby shower in the future it would be a bbq and informal and no gift opening part at the party. It is literally the worst thing ever to have to open gifts and oo and ahh over things while everyone stares at you. No thanks. 

Post # 10
Member
4360 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

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HarveySpecter :  I get married this Saturday and both Fiance and I cant wait for freedom of being done wedding planning!! We’re excited for the day but SO excited to have our evenings back, for our dining room table to not be covered in checklists and piles of things and for our conversations to not be full of “Oh, we have to send this to so and so and did you talk to so and so about that thing?” Your description of walking around in a fog trying to not bump into things is EXACTLY how I feel. I’m ready to get back to normal life again! (also ready for a week in Jamaica haha!)

Post # 11
Member
989 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

I keep joking with my fiance that March 1st (the day after the wedding) will be the happiest day of my life, haha. But seriously–planning has sucked the joy right out of the event, and I am determined to reclaim that joy in the next few months. I have to say, it’s really just pointless family drama that’s doing it all! I know things can only affect me if I let it, so I’m trying to remind myself of that, but gaaaaaaaaaaaah!!!

Post # 12
Member
831 posts
Busy bee

I wasn’t glad or relieved it was over, but I also wasn’t sad in any way, and I really thought I would be. I had a big wedding with lots of vendors and moving parts, but also had a planner who helped streamline everything. I’ve been married for over a year and the post-wedding sadness never hit, thankfully!

Post # 13
Member
414 posts
Helper bee

I hear you. I did not want a wedding for the simple fact of stress from drama to planning something so big. We did it anyways. I wasn’t even excited my wedding day lol. Just anxious af. I was happy I was marrying my best friend but totally happy the wedding is over. All the events leading up to it too.

He even asked recently if i was glad we went forward with having a wedding (because he thought I would regret not having one). I said NO. He wasn’t thrilled about that answer but not hurt by it. I TOLD HIM I didn’t want one ever so… can’t be shocked by that NO.

But yeah… happy its done. Although I would LOVE to repeat our honeymoon a million times over. I am not sad at all. Happy with how our life is going and working to start a family and thats exciting. 

Post # 14
Member
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2019

I definitely had stress before and during the wedding. It carried over to the honeymoon where for the first few days we were making all these lists of things we had to do in x order and pushing our very jetlagged selves out to the Eiffel Tower. Then finally the wedding started to let go.

The months after we got back I really needed a break. There was this point where people kept recapping and it only made me stressed- about the unflattering photos, about mistakes by the venue when we discussed them multiple times, about the absolute frustration I felt when we were trying to leave the reception and people were trapping us there and the coordinator was doing nothing. I really needed distance and normal weeks instead of my in laws mailing us 300 blurry photos they took. 

I really wanted a much much smaller and cheaper wedding. I’m happy my husband got the day he wanted, and our ceremony itself was amazing but I definitely found the whole wedding experience to be extremely stressful.  Nothing felt as good after the wedding as just going into work and having a pile of stupid issues there to work on that had nothing to do with it. 

There was also so much sexist garbage. So much. 

Post # 15
Member
5387 posts
Bee Keeper

Pretty much everyone I know is just glad their wedding day is over. Most said it’s because of the expenses that just keep on adding up. I only know one person who got sad after the wedding was over. I’m not sure if it’s because she’s my only friend whose parents paid everything for the wedding. 

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HarveySpecter :  

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