- 5 years ago
- Wedding: May 2013
I’ll start off by saying I’m probably going to get shat all over for being a bridezilla or having overly high-expectations… and maybe you’re right, I don’t know anymore.
I guess I have a couple of things getting me down… like this whole process, my relationship with my mom, and not feeling very “special”.
My mom and I have had a rocky relationship, and I guess I had always pictured her snapping out of it for my wedding. She has always been so involved with my cousins events (one just got married in August) and their lives and always been really hands on with them, but has never paid much attention to me and mine, unless to criticize (my weight, my skin, my education, my fiance, you name it, she’s criticized it). I’ve always pegged this to the fact that I’m only half filipino (she’s full) and my cousins are all full, and married another filipino. She makes comments about how she raised me wrong (if I disagree with her or stand up for myself) and I’m not really her daughter and she should have married a filipino because then I would have been raised right (um, my dad is the best man I know and has treated her well and given her everything so this is a whole other argument).
Anyways, she has offered to help with the wedding and bridal shower, but it’s been a nightmare. She was going to find us a dance teacher because she “knew someone” but I had to ask her about it every time I saw her for 2 months until she said “well I don’t know they won’t get back to me” and now… we are short on time. She offered to pay for my dress, but only if it was the one she picked. We ordered it, I hated it, fortunately I was able to change it because something went wrong with it.. so she got her deposit back and I put up the money for my new dress (maggie’s divina) which I love. My bridal shower… she totally dropped the ball, but I’ll make this a new paragraph.
One of my MOHs and my mom were to plan it, but they asked me to hammer out 3 things first: Date (because it would be easiest for me to contact the BMs n arrange a date, and pick something that works with my schedule and whatever else), tell them things I absolutely DONT want, and then a couple things I would be into. Fine. Well, I did all that… 3 months ago. The date was supposed to be January 26th.. My mom completely dropped the ball because she wanted to plan my cousin’s baby shower.. and my Maid/Matron of Honor just got engaged and has also kind of fallen off the grid. The shower is less than a month away and they don’t have a venue, and even had ME contacting places for it… and I’m kind of really disappointed because.. well I feel it isn’t my job! My dad saw how disappointed I was, and tired (I just started a second job) and has taken it upon HIMSELF to help plan it with my Maid/Matron of Honor (but really dad is doing most of it). I’m at the point of telling him not to bother and just cancel the damn thing because it’s getting to be too last minute and I’m just so frustrated I don’t know if I’d enjoy it, and it isn’t fair to him to have to do that. Even my Fiance has asked if he can help out.
I’m also frustrated because FI’s groomsmen have dropped the ball and now he won’t be able to have a bachelor party (I’m not horribly upset lol I was a bit worried about it to start, but still I would have thought they’d do SOMETHING) and now that Fiance works in snow removal… there just isn’t any time.
I just don’t feel special. I know it is our wedding and nobody will be as excited as us.. but I kind of always imagined I’d have a bit more help, or at least people offering to help.. you know? Or at least someone care enough to do the shower for me… or something. I’m just kind of sad, and I know it is stupid, and maybe I’m being spoiled or needy… but I just wish someone other than my dad and Fiance would care about doing something special for me… you know? I don’t feel like a bride, I feel like the wedding planner (who just happens to get to walk down the aisle).
ETA: There’s also all the drama with FI’s side of the family, and where we’ll have our ceremony venue and the open bar Future In-Laws insisted on, and the initial Bridesmaid or Best Man drama.. just so much stuff to poop on our parade. The more I think about it, the more I wish we’d just eloped.
Sigh. Sorry for the lengthy post, I’m not even sure it all makes sense…but I just needed it out there 🙁