Post # 1
Love my guy. He’s pretty great. Been together about 4 years. Living together for 2. Were both divorced. We get along great and blended our family very well. My guy is super cheap. And its awesome and I love how he gets such amazing deals. I am a huge pushover and sometimes I dont like the gifts he gives me but I always have a huge smile and I always tell him thank you so much. I make sure he knows I appreciate everything he gives to me. So last year I said in my life, the only thing I can think of that i would appreciate not going super cheap on is an engagment ring. He said well I spent $1,500 on my exes, I dont think thats cheap. I said oh for sure. I said that is a decent amount of money and we ended the conversation. I was feeling extremely guilty for even saying that. Well I was so happy to hear he bought a ring!! Finally like yay and Im happy and im giddy. His friend starts busting his balls saying I cant believe even you went as cheap as to buy a ring like that. The guy ends up loudly telling his wife. Yeah he spent $350 on her ring. Im upset. Why am I upset? Im getting my husband. I love him and I adore him. Why am I this person? I thought I spoke up well enough in advance I wouldnt be in this situation. But it happened. Now why cant I just be excited for a proposal. I think he knows I know because I was really down after the party. And hes said several times. You know money isnt everything. I think Im comparing myself yo his ex (who I really like btw). Tough love anything. Tell me to get my head out of my ass. Tell me Im allowed to feel this way but need to put a smile on my face. Anything is appreciated.
Post # 2
I honestly wouldn’t worry about it. As long as the ring is pretty and you are officially engaged, who cares that it was a “cheap” ring? “Cheap” rings are less likely to be gaudy, anyway. I think you should be happy that he’s thrifty and seems to care more about substance than appearance. Maybe he can take that money and go on vacation with you instead.
Post # 3
At least he bought you a ring, there are bees who are waiting for their boyfriends to even get a ring. They would even be happy to get a $2 ring from a turn machine.
The end of the day does it really matter that he spent $350 on it? The ring is a symbol of commitment and to take the next step.
This is your second marriage? I guess he doesn’t want to go through the whole hoopla splashing out on a ring in case things don’t pan out.
Post # 4
You haven’t even seen the ring yet. While it wasn’t an engagement ring, my friend had a gorgeous light purple sapphire ring (if I remember correctly) with smaller diamonds surrounding the gem.
It was around $300 I think and it looked like an engagement ring. It’s gorgeous.
Dont write it off until you see it.
Post # 5
Have you seen the ring yet? Perhaps it’s vintage or antique and he was able to get a better deal on it than a new ring.
Post # 6
bestbee2014 : of course you’re allowed to feel disappointed. Society tells us that proposals are supposed to be a grand gesture, and Pinterest and Instagram aren’t doing us any favors by making us think that men should propose with huge, glamorous diamonds. We’re socialized to believe that engagement rings should be the biggest and the best—aren’t they a symbol of how much he *loves* you?
Well, no. And we all know this. But rings are also subtle status symbols as well, regardless of whether everyone is willing to admit that or not. So of course you’re disappointed that he only spent $300 on a ring when he could likely have afforded more. And that is okay. Honestly, I’d be upset too…
The good thing is that you *know* you’re not materialistic, and that you know he’s a cheapskate and you love him for that! You know this isn’t him not wanting to spend extra money on a ring *for you*, but it’s just that he’s a penny-pincher in all aspects of his life, and this situation is no different. I think disappointment is just your knee jerk reaction, and you’ll get over it. Congratulations on your upcoming engagement 🙂
Post # 7
- Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA
That was a dick thing for his friend to even say and completely lacked any sort of tact. Who does that?!
As for the ring, I agree with PP that you should wait to see the ring before assuming it’s not something you’ll absolutely love. My ring was around $500 and (in my admittedly biased opinion lol) is stunning. There are so many beautiful rings out there that don’t cost a fortune!
And on the off chance you really do dislike your ring, there’s always the possibility of upgrading it later on, right?
Post # 8
No I havent seen it yet. He seems really proud of it though. Just bothered hes supposed to be buying a $1200 gun next week. I guess ai didnt add that in.
He is extremely thrifty. Which is great. I just thought it would be more but you all are right. I may absolutly adore this ring.
Post # 9
And your comment was pretty cruel. Thats not tough love. Thats just being rude. How dare you assume he’s thinking we will get a divorce.
Post # 10
Any of you check out extreme cheapskates? A couple got rings at an auction for like $70. They were gaudy thick sports rings. The woman was happy because she saved a lot of money. She didn’t care what they looked like.
Also as for my comment I was being realistic. Who knows you might be together forever or you might divorce. 50/50. He could be frugal or he could be thinking long term. Just be happy you are getting a ring, price shouldn’t matter.
Post # 11
bestbee2014 : I would just pick out a ring I like and pay for my own ring if I didn’t like what he chose. You are the one that has to wear it.
Post # 12
Honestly, this would bug me. While I am not extravagant and am diligent about saving money, I am not cheap. Our values wouldn’t align and I can see all sorts of problems with things like vacations, furniture, entertainment, and so forth. However, if that’s not the case for you, and you can usually come to an agreement on financial matters, than maybe it won’t be an issue in your relationship. But yes, I would be upset if he TOLD me what his ex’s ring cost and then bought me something of much lower value.
Post # 13
Yep that would absolutely bother me too, bee. It’s not like he doesn’t have the $1500 (for example) to spend, he’s just choosing to spend less. And I’d honestly be concerned on what type of quality you are getting for a few hundred bucks. Like, does he not value the symbol of the ring as worth more than $350? I’d have another discussion with him about this.
Post # 14
I think that would bother me, especially since he’s spending 4x that on a gun. A gun?? How strange. He needs to get his priorities in order.
Post # 15
I think if it was for that I wouldnt be as near hurt as Im feeling. I married my ex when I was 17. We were married for 13 years. He bought me a $100 ring and as a kid its all he afford. I wore that ring with pride because he saved to buy it for me. My bf can afford a lot more than this and i wasnt expecting the world as I currently sound. I just hate Im comparing myself to her. I hate he told me in passing when I parked on my normal side of the mall he no longer needed to park on the side he was used to and i asked why and he said because they parked there so she could take her ring to be cleaned and inspected. For him there is no reason to buy insurance as $350 doesnt amount to a drop in the bucket for him. I know he has a reason. He obviously is proud of what he bought. He prob just doesnt see the value in it. But it sucks because I am so easy going and never want or ask for anything. Hes a crappy gift giver but they are all from the heart. Thats the only reason I spoke up last year. And now I wish I hadnt so I would have no reason to be upset since I hadnt conveyed my wants.
I feel really silly and selfish. Sucks opening up to strangers who only see one side of you. I truly am not like this. Which is why im beating myself up (why be selfish on this issue, why start now)