Not what i want

posted 10 months ago in Waiting
Post # 2
Member
16 posts
Newbee

I honestly wouldn’t worry about it. As long as the ring is pretty and you are officially engaged, who cares that it was a “cheap” ring? “Cheap” rings are less likely to be gaudy, anyway. I think you should be happy that he’s thrifty and seems to care more about substance than appearance. Maybe he can take that money and go on vacation with you instead.

Post # 3
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

At least he bought you a ring,  there are bees who are waiting for their boyfriends to even get a ring.  They would even be happy to get a $2 ring from a turn machine.

The end of the day does it really matter that he spent $350 on it?   The ring is a symbol of commitment and to take the next step.  

This is your second marriage?   I guess he doesn’t want to go through the whole hoopla splashing out on a ring in case things don’t pan out.   

Post # 4
Member
4680 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

bestbee2014 :  

You haven’t even seen the ring yet. While it wasn’t an engagement ring, my friend had a gorgeous light purple sapphire ring (if I remember correctly) with smaller diamonds surrounding the gem.

It was around $300 I think and it looked like an engagement ring. It’s gorgeous.

Dont write it off until you see it.

Post # 5
Member
9347 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: October 2016

Have you seen the ring yet? Perhaps it’s vintage or antique and he was able to get a better deal on it than a new ring. 

Post # 6
Member
1759 posts
Buzzing bee

bestbee2014 :  of course you’re allowed to feel disappointed. Society tells us that proposals are supposed to be a grand gesture, and Pinterest and Instagram aren’t doing us any favors by making us think that men should propose with huge, glamorous diamonds. We’re socialized to believe that engagement rings should be the biggest and the best—aren’t they a symbol of how much he *loves* you? 

 

Well, no. And we all know this. But rings are also subtle status symbols as well, regardless of whether everyone is willing to admit that or not. So of course you’re disappointed that he only spent $300 on a ring when he could likely have afforded more. And that is okay. Honestly, I’d be upset too…

 

The good thing is that you *know* you’re not materialistic, and that you know he’s a cheapskate and you love him for that! You know this isn’t him not wanting to spend extra money on a ring *for you*, but it’s just that he’s a penny-pincher in all aspects of his life, and this situation is no different. I think disappointment is just your knee jerk reaction, and you’ll get over it. Congratulations on your upcoming engagement 🙂

Post # 7
Member
843 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2019 - Tacoma, WA

That was a dick thing for his friend to even say and completely lacked any sort of tact. Who does that?!

As for the ring, I agree with PP that you should wait to see the ring before assuming it’s not something you’ll absolutely love. My ring was around $500 and (in my admittedly biased opinion lol) is stunning. There are so many beautiful rings out there that don’t cost a fortune!

And on the off chance you really do dislike your ring, there’s always the possibility of upgrading it later on, right?

Post # 10
Member
289 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2020

Any of you check out extreme cheapskates?   A couple got rings at an auction for like $70.   They were gaudy thick sports rings.  The woman was happy because she saved a lot of money.  She didn’t care what they looked like. 

Also as for my comment I was being realistic.  Who knows you might be together forever or you might divorce.   50/50.   He could be frugal or he could be thinking long term.   Just be happy you are getting a ring, price shouldn’t matter.

Post # 11
Member
45 posts
Newbee

bestbee2014 :  I would just pick out a ring I like and pay for my own ring if I didn’t like what he chose.  You are the one that has to wear it.

Post # 12
Member
1905 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Honestly, this would bug me. While I am not extravagant and am diligent about saving money, I am not cheap. Our values wouldn’t align and I can see all sorts of problems with things like vacations, furniture, entertainment, and so forth. However, if that’s not the case for you, and you can usually come to an agreement on financial matters, than maybe it won’t be an issue in your relationship. But yes, I would be upset if he TOLD me what his ex’s ring cost and then bought me something of much lower value.

Post # 13
Member
359 posts
Helper bee

Yep that would absolutely bother me too, bee. It’s not like he doesn’t have the $1500 (for example) to spend, he’s just choosing to spend less. And I’d honestly be concerned on what type of quality you are getting for a few hundred bucks. Like, does he not value the symbol of the ring as worth more than $350? I’d have another discussion with him about this.

Post # 14
Member
751 posts
Busy bee

I think that would bother me, especially since he’s spending 4x that on a gun. A gun?? How strange.  He needs to get his priorities in order. 

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