Not what i want

posted 2 years ago in Waiting
Post # 47
246 posts
Helper bee

Sounds like you have made yourself heard in a positive way and he has listened. This bodes well for your future. No arguing, just clear communication. If you are unhappy with the ring do not wait to let him know or worry about hurting his feelings, tell him promptly. He will then be convinced that you know what you wish to wear -just as certain as he is in what kind of gun he wants to own.

Do show it off to us all when you finally get what you are hoping for.

Post # 48
5205 posts
Bee Keeper

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bestbee2014 :  You guys both handled that very well. I see good things ahead for you.

Post # 49
1616 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI

You kids are going to make it 🙂 sounds like a great compromise to me.

Post # 50
3343 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

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bestbee2014 :  I would be hurt/pissed too, spending $1200 on something for *himself* but cheaps out on *your* ring… He sounds like a selfish dick. Welcome to the rest of your life with him….

ps post a pic of the ring.MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T BUY THE GUN UNTIL YOU DECIDE IF HE NEEDS TO SEND THIS RING BACK AND BUY YOU ANOTHER… guns are *not* returnable… guarantee he will claim he’s out of money once he has the gun…


Post # 51
17 posts
  • Wedding: December 2012

You sound great bestbee and so does he. You freely admit that he has never been a gift giver and I’m afraid this would extend to an engagement ring, so maybe it’s just as well that he hasn’t spent too much on it.

I really think in order to get a ring you would be happy with he is going to have to have your input with it and spend a bit more. As he doesn’t want you contributing financially to it, I wonder if you could offer to pay some of his expenses so he could put that money towards a nicer ring. I do think it’s important before you enter into marriage for him to understand that he needs to care how you feel about things and when something is important to you he needs to listen. Don’t see this as a fait acompli and don’t settle. 

Post # 52
1246 posts
Bumble bee

it sounds like you have discussed things like adults (you’d be surprised how rarely thats seen as an option…) so KUDOS.

an option that i don’t think has come up yet is to maybe get a bomb-ass wedding band to wear as a stand alone after you guys are married. that way you don’t upgrade the engagement ring, which you’ve said you’re not into, and you don’t wear the engagement ring for a long period of time either. 🙂

Post # 55
1015 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2019

I think he’s handling this great. I can understand that he was a bit naive about thinking he could find a cheaper ring online and having it be the same thing. Some people really don’t realize this sort of thing. It is great that he is willing to upgrade it and did get you a ring style that you love, and that he isn’t being bratty about you bringing up your concerns. Congrats on your upcoming engagement!

Post # 56
55 posts
Worker bee

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bestbee2014 :  


That was one of the most romantic things I’ve ever read. After all of that misunderstanding and confusion you now see that the man you love did everything he could do get you the best ring AND the best price! Jee lucky woman, he’s practical AND romantic! 

Don’t feel bad, I flippantly told my bf to buy me a 2k diamond ring (I’m not usually so demanding but there is almost a brainwashed default when it comes to rings) and he felt so financially pressured to produce the ring in so little time and stressed to tell me that he bottled it up and it turned into a huge misunderstand like yours.


Now online, I’ve found the ring of my dreams – a white sapphire for a fraction of the price of the original ring. And JUST as beautiful. On top of that, it’s more meaningful as both of us love it and appreciate the lack of stress it has on both of us. 


Post # 57
5205 posts
Bee Keeper

I love that you two are so honest with each other. I can’t tell you how many times I read something here and think, ” yeah, that marriage isn’t going to last two years”

Well I feel the opposite way reading your posts! 

Post # 58
710 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: March 2000

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bestbee2014 :  Thats gotta be the sweetest thing I love it!

 I had something similar happen with my 17th wedding anniversary “upgrade “it wasn’t exactly an upgrade because we were getting a new ring because of damage anyway my husband is also a bargain hunter and I adore that about him but it kinda bit us in the butt this last time he knew I wanted a princess cut and a somewhat substantial center so he went online found exactly what he thought I wanted it was truly gorgeous but it was a quad set center which would have been fine except one of the stones came

loose  and got lost and even though it got fixed it never ever looked quite right again those stones have to be matched up exactly or

they look off..

anyway we started over I had been stalking a ring on a re-sale site    and when we finally sold the quad set and got taxes back for the stone it was still available!!!

So we purchased them used and then we also purchased my diamond used we saved an absolute butt ton of money and thats big right now we had just cashed out our first house and it needs alot of TLC lol  😝 so all extra money is earmarked for the remodel currently which Iam completely ok with..

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