Post # 46
I completely get that. But im feeling if it was a higher quality diamond it would havw been $1300. These are pretty bad on everything. All 2 or 3 on inclusions. Idk. I dont think he paid any attention to the quality just seen the deal and stock photo and par himself on the back as he paid for it.
He said if it comes in and has all the flaws i pointed out he wont make me keep it. He said he was sorry he didnt try harder but really felt id be happy. He said obviously i tried to communicate and he didnt listen to me and he sees how it was disrespecful. He asked if Id give this ring a chance and i said I would. So i think we made middle ground.
Post # 47
Sounds like you have made yourself heard in a positive way and he has listened. This bodes well for your future. No arguing, just clear communication. If you are unhappy with the ring do not wait to let him know or worry about hurting his feelings, tell him promptly. He will then be convinced that you know what you wish to wear -just as certain as he is in what kind of gun he wants to own.
Do show it off to us all when you finally get what you are hoping for.
Post # 48
bestbee2014 : You guys both handled that very well. I see good things ahead for you.
Post # 49
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
You kids are going to make it 🙂 sounds like a great compromise to me.
Post # 50
bestbee2014 : I would be hurt/pissed too, spending $1200 on something for *himself* but cheaps out on *your* ring… He sounds like a selfish dick. Welcome to the rest of your life with him….
ps post a pic of the ring.MAKE SURE HE DOESN’T BUY THE GUN UNTIL YOU DECIDE IF HE NEEDS TO SEND THIS RING BACK AND BUY YOU ANOTHER… guns are *not* returnable… guarantee he will claim he’s out of money once he has the gun…
Post # 51
You sound great bestbee and so does he. You freely admit that he has never been a gift giver and I’m afraid this would extend to an engagement ring, so maybe it’s just as well that he hasn’t spent too much on it.
I really think in order to get a ring you would be happy with he is going to have to have your input with it and spend a bit more. As he doesn’t want you contributing financially to it, I wonder if you could offer to pay some of his expenses so he could put that money towards a nicer ring. I do think it’s important before you enter into marriage for him to understand that he needs to care how you feel about things and when something is important to you he needs to listen. Don’t see this as a fait acompli and don’t settle.
Post # 52
it sounds like you have discussed things like adults (you’d be surprised how rarely thats seen as an option…) so KUDOS.
an option that i don’t think has come up yet is to maybe get a bomb-ass wedding band to wear as a stand alone after you guys are married. that way you don’t upgrade the engagement ring, which you’ve said you’re not into, and you don’t wear the engagement ring for a long period of time either. 🙂
Post # 53
Thanks so much guys. I feel this huge relief off me. Im glad he seen that he should have tried harder, im glad hes actially really proud of what he bought. Wrong or not hes super happy with his choice which is cute lol. Im glad he didnt think less of me or think the worst of me for having wants because it can make us look badly to have an opinion (which it shouldnt) lastly im so relieved knowing if i dont like it I can speak up. I dont feel i have to bite my tongue and I shouldnt have to. God, I love him. Nothing has changed or is awkward, and it shouldnt be. I really do love our relationship. He has flaws jist like everyone and we always seem to bounce well off each other. I wasnt scared to talk to him it was just such a sensetive subject.
Bomb ass wedding band indeed!! Love this!
Post # 54
I came home from work today and he was mopey. He said we can always be honest right? I said absolutely. He said I was wrong. He said I found the ring in store and loved it. I found it for so much cheaper online and stupidly assumed that all the rights would look like the stock photo. He said I’m so so sorry. He said I love it but there is a tiny black speck if you look at it just right. He said I wasn’t trying to be cheap to save money for me. He said I honestly thought I was getting an amazing deal and you would be proud of me. He said I want to show it to you. It’s exactly what I want to give you. But I want something with no flaws like this one. Poor guy was just about in tears he was so embarrassed. I hugged him and said it was not a problem. We pre talked about if it wasn’t right we’d return it. I said were a team. You don’t need to be embarrassed.
So anyways. I absolutely love this ring. I see the speck. I’m glad he noticed because it really is so small I wouldn’t have spoken up because I wouldn’t have wanted to look ungrateful. Because it’s exactly what I wanted! He works nights and just left. Poor guy is devastated he says he wasted my time and pushed back our engagement. I said the fact you bought one and you see how much we both want to get married, I’m ecstatic right now. On top of the world lol.
Post # 55
I think he’s handling this great. I can understand that he was a bit naive about thinking he could find a cheaper ring online and having it be the same thing. Some people really don’t realize this sort of thing. It is great that he is willing to upgrade it and did get you a ring style that you love, and that he isn’t being bratty about you bringing up your concerns. Congrats on your upcoming engagement!
Post # 56
That was one of the most romantic things I’ve ever read. After all of that misunderstanding and confusion you now see that the man you love did everything he could do get you the best ring AND the best price! Jee lucky woman, he’s practical AND romantic!
Don’t feel bad, I flippantly told my bf to buy me a 2k diamond ring (I’m not usually so demanding but there is almost a brainwashed default when it comes to rings) and he felt so financially pressured to produce the ring in so little time and stressed to tell me that he bottled it up and it turned into a huge misunderstand like yours.
Now online, I’ve found the ring of my dreams – a white sapphire for a fraction of the price of the original ring. And JUST as beautiful. On top of that, it’s more meaningful as both of us love it and appreciate the lack of stress it has on both of us.
Post # 57
I love that you two are so honest with each other. I can’t tell you how many times I read something here and think, ” yeah, that marriage isn’t going to last two years”
Well I feel the opposite way reading your posts!
Post # 58
bestbee2014 : Thats gotta be the sweetest thing I love it!
I had something similar happen with my 17th wedding anniversary “upgrade “it wasn’t exactly an upgrade because we were getting a new ring because of damage anyway my husband is also a bargain hunter and I adore that about him but it kinda bit us in the butt this last time he knew I wanted a princess cut and a somewhat substantial center so he went online found exactly what he thought I wanted it was truly gorgeous but it was a quad set center which would have been fine except one of the stones came
loose and got lost and even though it got fixed it never ever looked quite right again those stones have to be matched up exactly or
they look off..
anyway we started over I had been stalking a ring on a re-sale site and when we finally sold the quad set and got taxes back for the stone it was still available!!!
So we purchased them used and then we also purchased my diamond used we saved an absolute butt ton of money and thats big right now we had just cashed out our first house and it needs alot of TLC lol 😝 so all extra money is earmarked for the remodel currently which Iam completely ok with..