(Closed) NOT what I wanted to hear (Sad vent)

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I think this is VERY big of you! SERIOUSLY!!!! And when the right time comes…it will happen! Wink

Post # 4
Member
10366 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@Wonderwoman217: Ok. Maybe instead of doing the girl thing and indirectly hinting “putting some of it aside towards getting married” you should actually tell him how you are feeling and ask him what his savings schedule is and why. Seriously. Communicate. Guys and subtle hints don’t go together. And if you are steaming mad and horribly upset by the process, that means you guys need to TALK ABOUT IT. In direct, real terms. Not beat around the bush terms.

Post # 5
Member
1339 posts
Bumble bee

Whoa, way to keep your cool along with your dignity!  I don’t know if I could do that.  I sure would be upset too.  I hope he starts saving for that ring!!!!!!

Post # 6
Member
893 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

Waiting a little longer so he could place that ring on my finger WITHOUT slapping it on a credit card and incurring a ton of interest fees feels really really good.

Making smart financial decisions as a couple is a good thing for both of you.

Hang in there! And keep your good attitude.

 

Post # 7
Member
2866 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@crayfish: I concur. Have you two talked about getting married? I think the very very best thing to do any in waiting situation is let him know how you feel (that you want to get married eventually) and ask him how he feels and get a DEFINITE answer. Basically even if you’re not at that point yet you need to know that you are heading in that direction.

Then if he feels the same way as you do ask him when he could see himself getting married. That at least gives you a time-table (and a reason not to keep asking about it). Then you have to wait. If that time passes and he’s still spending money on frivelous things and claiming not to be able to afford a ring – then you have a serious sit-down because actions speak louder than words. But you have to be prepared to get an answer you don’t like.

Post # 8
Member
2547 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

I really shouldn’t be feeding this to you, but that seems like something my SO would say to keep me off the trail. Maybe he already got you a ring?! Ok I’ll stop.

Good for you, I think I should take a break too. Goodluck!

Post # 9
Member
2321 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Hmm… that’s a toughie.

Guy won’t get the hint to buy a ring if you say you want to save for marriage. Since there is no due date set for a wedding, he will be okay to save up for a marriage that will happen (in his mind) “eventually”, and not (as in your mind) “anytime soon”.

Go back and discuss this. Start with… “you know, I feel bad about the list I gave you. I am so sorry that I put the ring on it and it made me feel really awful that you had to say you cannot afford it. The truth really is that I would love to have any ring which you will give to me out of love. It does not have to expensive at all. It’s true value for me will come through your sentiments attached to it. Just remember that next time you are out looking at rings.”

Give or take a few words of course. Tongue out

Post # 10
Member
17 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: November 2011

Does your bf know how much your ideal ring costs? I found out after about 6 months of silent fuming that he was actually just paralyzed by the thought of the 3 months salary rule and kept pushing it to the back of his mind. We finally had a really frank conversation where I was able to tell him I didnt actually want a traditional e-ring and my DREAM ring was much less than he thought. Seriously, once I told him that, the ring was ordered within a month.

So if it seems like its the cost of the ring, and not that actual getting engaged part that is holding him back, my advice would be to have a frank, calm, rational conversation about the finances associated with the ring.

Post # 11
Member
366 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

Rock on, girl!  Credit cards aren’t the way to go, and I think your heart’s in the right place.  I agree with some of the other ladies…sometimes subtle hints aren’t the way to go.  Just sit down with him and have an honest talk about it.

And props to your dude for being honest and telling you he doesn’t have the money.  That’s better than a) getting you both into debt right now and b) fibbing and saying something else.

You two crazy kids will be fine 🙂

Post # 13
Member
5657 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: February 2012

Wow I admire your willpower lol! You seem to have everything under control (even when the going gets tough), good for you 🙂 

Post # 14
Member
3587 posts
Sugar bee

Good job keeping your cool! You never know, it may come sooner than expected. I hope it does. Nothing wrong with taking a break from the boards. 🙂 It alwys help to refresh!

Post # 15
Member
65 posts
Worker bee

You may have to continue to wait and see because he is not clear on what he wants to do just yet. When me and my husband got married we went to the courthouse and a year later this past weekend we had our wedding. We don’t have any kids but he is military. I don’t know if you would consider this while you save the money up for a wedding or not. I wish you well.

Post # 16
Member
797 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2018

Just have to say that you’re a much stronger person than me!  When my bf said something similar a while back a started crying and tried to hide it by doing dishes… bad idea because my bf knows that I only wash dishes by hand when I’m really upset lol.  He saw how frustrated and sad I was at the fact that we wouldn’t be married for a while, but then he explained why he needed to wait (wants to finish school first, get his financial stuff straightened out, and all these other really realistic and logical reasons to wait).  It doesn’t make waiting any easier, but he does have a few dang good reasons to wait, and I keep reminding myself that this guy really wants to do it right.

 

I understand how you feel about the whole can’t-afford-it-now-but-buys-a-fancy-new-electronic-man-toy-anyways situation… my guy keeps saying how he needs to pay off some credit card bills and then comes home with a 42″ HD flatscreen tv??? WTF!  Makes me think he secretly has money stashed away somewhere and maybe a ring too Tongue out tee hee!

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