(Closed) NOT what I wanted to hear (Sad vent)

posted 11 years ago in Waiting
Post # 17
Member
2294 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2010

I just have to put some perspective that I’ve experienced in on this.  It may or may not apply to your situation, but here it goes:  I knew pretty much from the start that I was going to marry my husband, and to be fair, I’m pretty sure he knew and felt the same way about me from nearly the start!  We were talking about marriage within 2 months of meeting each other.

However, with all of this promising talk, and him treating me AS A WIFE, it still took him 8 more months to propose.  He knew he was going to marry me and he knew that all he really wanted was to spend the rest of his life with me, but something about proposing scared the bejesus out of him.  He just had a hang up about all the what ifs. 

We’d had a long conversation the night before he proposed in which he really truely WASN”T ready.  I wanted him to WANT to ask me, so while we talked about it to figure out the why’s, I was totally accepting of the fact that he wasn’t ready yet.  I didn’t want a pity proposal or a have-to proposal.  I figured that it would be 5+ months before he did propose, because I was flying home to the US 2 days later and it would be 4 months before we saw each other in person again.  

However, something in that conversation and the resultant introspection and talks with his parents changed something in him.  He surprised both himself and me by proposing the next night!  There was and has been no doubts that he meant that proposal with every fiber of his being and once he DID propose, it was like this HUGE weight was lifted off.

I guess my long winded point is to be patient.  Waiting SUCKS!  Trust me I had a long not fun wait myself and being 6k miles apart through much of that just makes it suck that much more…. but when it happens and it happens from the heart, it’s just so amazingly worth the wait!

Definitely talk to him and let him know that it ISN”T about the ring, but about your life together, maybe that’s his hangup, maybe not.  Communication though is soooo essential!

Best of luck to you and to all the waiting bees!

Post # 18
Member
10220 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

If I’m reading this right, you guys are both on the same page about marriage, you just have different timelines?

I think direct communication is the only way to go here.  You’re right to not get into it when you’re feeling super emotional about it.

I believe direct negotiation is in order here.  It’s not like you guys are miles apart as to what you want, it sounds like it’s a matter of time frames.

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