(Closed) Not what I was expecting…

posted 8 years ago in Intimacy
Post # 3
3977 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2011

Schedules can definitely make it more difficult. So you have to make the most of the time you have. It’s hard to be all over each other when you’re away from each other for 12 hours every day and sleeping another 8.

My advice would be to talk about sex. I don’t mean sit down and stare into his eyes and tell him about your problem. I mean in an offhand way say how much you enjoyed x. How you never realized how much you’d enjoy sex. How you wish you had time to do x. How you loved it when he was x. How hot he looks in that x. Get it?

Once my husband realized that I also thought of sex. That I also liked and wanted sex. And that I wanted it to be great and get a lot of practice…..etc. He became much more willing to make it happen. Much more able to read my signals. He seemed to be under the impression that I was somehow doing him a favor whenever we had sex lol, I knocked that out of the park as soon as possible.

We also waited for marriage, and I understand abotu the hot and heavy dating thing. Maybe you could recreate a dating vibe. Watch a movie on the couch with the lights off and be a tease, lol. Don’t give up on it and if worse comes to worse try to be a little bit more blunt every time.

Post # 4
2414 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Hmm…my opinion on sex is that you should test drive the car before you buy it….it’s probably just that he’s new to it and feels insecure about his performance. If i were you I would talk to him about it…he’s your husband so you should feel comfortable bringing this up with him. Good luck!

Post # 5
9982 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

I’m curious as to what his reasons for waiting until marriage were?  Religious?  Or something else?  I’m a very sexual person so honestly it would completely freak me out to wait, I’m also not a very patient person.  However, it isn’t something that should be a dealbreaker.  You two really need to talk.  Well, he needs to talk and explain and you need to really listen.  Also, listen to what he doesn’t say as much as to what he does say. 

Post # 7
2259 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

I hear you. Darling Husband wakes up at 5 every day and up till recently I worked every night and would come home around 10:30. :/ Made for weeks without sex, I can tell you that. Sometimes we’ll plan for it. I know, I know….. it seems like newlyweds aren’t supposed to be in ruts already….but I really think this has helped us. When I’m not sick when we have weekends, when he’s rested… we’ll be open about it and plan for it happening. I’m glad to hear it’s gotten better! We waited as well and it did take time to be good. We’re still very much in the learning stage, too. 

Post # 8
218 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@SimplyChic11:  Glad to know we’re not the only ones who have to “plan” it sometimes!

Post # 9
4753 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Gokeyy:  You always hear these stories about newly-weds who can barely get out of bed—that’s how I thought it would be.

You do? Because I don’t. And the few that I do hear I simply don’t believe, it’s RARE to maintain such a passionate rip your clothes off feeling over time. Let’s be realistic: life happens and sex doesn’t. 

Most likely you’re going to have to sit him down and talk about what sex means to you, and how much you enjoy having it. And don’t just tell him you need to have sex, you also need to listen to how much he wants to have sex, what makes him want to? How can you both get eachother to crave sex?

Post # 10
2999 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

Could you two be ‘ready’ at two different times of the day and just need to meet in the middle? I’m a night girl and my SO is morning! So we generally have to take turns on time of day..

Post # 11
1517 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

Do you think that he’s not confident in his skill level due to the fact that he was a virgin when you guys got married? I remember the first times I had sex, I didn’t really know what the heck was going on lol. Maybe have a dicussion with him about it, he probably has thoughts and feelings on the topic that he has not shared with you.

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