(Closed) Not worth maintaining a friendship with?

posted 5 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
2654 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@Bebealways:  ((Hugs)) I’m the same way with making friends, so I feel your pain. It really sucks that this one friend is not communicating. For the sake of friendship, I’d give him a little more time and maybe a couple of chances. Maybe there’s something going on in his life right now that’s taking up all of his attention. Maybe he’s back with the (CRAZY B%&#!) on-off girlfriend, and she has him on lock down once again.

 

Write him again on FB and let him know how you feel. He might not realize how important it is to you to have him there. I know you had your Bridesmaid or Best Man track him down, but you know how boys can be. Hopefully, this story has a happy ending where it was just a series of misunderstandings. That’s what I’m hoping and wishing for you. Good luck.

Post # 4
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

I know women in this situation generally really, really don’t want to believe the following and no matter what anyone else says will usually not believe it until the guy friend says so himself, but here it is:*

Your friendship sounds lime the 99.9% of opposite sex close friendships that go like this:

– he had a crush on you

– you determined he was not a suitable mate. You friend-zoned him.

– he decided to conceal his attraction to you hoping to wear you down by getting to know you as a good friend. He never stopped wanting more than a friendship with you, even as he dated and wanted other women too.

– his current girlfriend knows that and wisely wants him to distance himself from other people he has a crush on.

 

it’s not that he was faking the friendship feelings, he was just hiding the lust and possibly also romantic feelings.

 

*If you didn’t scoff the minute you realized what I was saying I’m sorry for starting my reply out on the defensive, I’ve just seen this time and time again and the part where the girl is like “No, I KNOW he doesn’t have feelings for me, its totally platonic” is so par for the course that I don’t think I’ve seen an exception yet.

 

Post # 5
Member
6359 posts
Bee Keeper

Oh yeah, he’s miserable that you’re getting married, too. I know he never said anything to suggest it, maybe even the opposite.

Post # 6
Member
3886 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

I dnt know that I’d agree that he’s had a crush on the OP and can’t bear to see her marry another. Maybe that’s it, maybe it’s something else. I know that for my “Facebook friends” — the ones I only communicate with via Facebook– I don’t consider them very important to me. For my close friends, there’s an effort made on both sides to stay in touch different  ways. Send him a postcard or a letter, or try skype if you can’t make phone calls. I know it’s difficult to do from a distance, but friendship do tend to fare better when there’s an effort made beyond just being Facebook friends.

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