- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2013
Boy does planning a wedding make you realize who your real friends are.
I have a hard time getting truly close to people. I can make nice acquaintances, sort of low level friends, easily, but… people I can depend on and who can always depend on me, people who I can just hang out with without doing anything special, people with whom I can talk about anything… really special connections are so difficult. It doesn’t seem like something that can be created intentionally, it’s just something that happens through going through hell with someone.
I’ve only had a few really close friends, ever, and was already been friend-dumped by one who just stopped talking to me and when I changed fb accounts, she wouldn’t friend me back. I messaged her to ask if she was upset with me or if I’d done something wrong, she just answered “no.” And that was that.
So that’s one. The other was a guy I met in 10th grade who briefly had a crush on me and then his attention drifted to someone else (he was super flighty) but we had gotten to know each other and ended up friends. (It wasn’t like I was stringing him along, he was cheerfully dating one person after another most of the time, almost never alone.)
We got extremely close. Spent a lot of time driving around town and hanging out in playgrounds in the middle of the night just shooting the shit about everything, nascent teen philosophy, daydreams, that kind of stuff. Then he went to college a year after me and got together with this girl who kind of put him on lockdown, I think he wasn’t allowed to talk to me (and a few other female friends) anymore or something? I don’t know, but that was the impression I got.
I never thought he’d disappear, I really thought that while we might not talk every day anymore, it wouldn’t just be like he dropped off the face of the Earth. He doesn’t check facebook in general, he uses some obscure univeresity email address for his masters program that nobody knows, and he’s sometimes OK with his phone but being in Korea I can’t use that.
These are two people I always thought would be at my wedding, dancing and partying with me. I’m not even inviting the first girl, she disappeared too long ago and is clearly uninterested.
The guy I had planned to invite, but getting in contact with him is like pulling teeth. I asked one of my bridesmaids (back in america) to call him and ask him to check his facebook messages, since I sent him one to find out where I should send the invite and to ask if he wanted a plus one (last I heard he and that same girl were on again off again, as she had called him a pussy and dumped him, hooked up with someone else who was “more manly” then come back begging to get back together 2 weeks later and like a crazy person he wanted to take her back… But that was like a year ago.)
My bridesmaid got back to me and said he had responded that he’d meant to do that and he would check soon. That was like… a week and a half ago, making it pretty clear where this is on his priorities. I’m just hurt. It’s like… dude, I know you’re busy, but we were basically best friends for years, not even that long ago, and I’m getting married. Am I that forgettable? It’s stupid but all I can think about is how FH and I are self-DJing and how much he’d like the music we’re playing and the funny comments he’d make about stuff. I want him to be there but at this point even if he came it’d be bittersweet and I’m almost expecting a decline…
Of course that’s even IF he gets in touch and gives me the chance to invite him.