Post # 1
I went back and forth about posting this, but I was told by a mod that I can share this info with other bees to make sure such drama won't occur here. After seeing some posts about setting up a paypal "fund", I finally decided to post this.
In the purse forum in 2008, a few members started a post to help a regular and very active (well-liked) member (named "speedy") who came upon difficult times. We helped her buy food, and medicines. Eventually, buying her an electric wheelchair.
So many people helped (tpf has over 100k members). After a while, people started to just send her checks or send money with paypal.
Eventually she got so caught up on our generosity she started taking advantage (maybe unintentionally...after all if a girl who owns a birkin gives her $100, maybe she doesn't feel so bad about blowing it). She bought an expensive purse that many of the kind donors couldn't even afford. She started relying on help from members, and even pm-ing members who she knew bought expensive purses. What started as an act of kindness hurt many people.
Here's the thread:
RAOK = random act of kindness
Perhaps the thing to take from that experience is to use your own judgement. Maybe not send cash. Maybe do not be tempted to do other things with the money if you're getting more help than you have ever imagined.
I'm not saying that any bee will act like speedy. I'm not sure how many members weddingbee has. With a large forum of ovber 100,000 members like TPF, it was easy to get more than enough help and be tempted to do other things with it. After all, Speedy quickly received much more money than needed to buy her immediate needs (medication), and things got out of hand.
Sorry for being so verbose, but I just didn't want crazy drama going on here on the bee like tpf. I think helping each other is great, but all sides need to not get too caught up in it.
Post # 3
I’m sorry, but what is this referring to? From what I’m reading, you’re mentioning something that happened a few years ago on another website? I guess I missed something, or I’m just not following….
Post # 4
@WineAndCupcakes: She’s referring to the efforts started to help MrsSoontoBeAB, a bee who had to cancel her wedding due to financial issues related to surgery. A lot of bees have decided to donate money, supplies, or other needs…
You can read about it here:
and here: http://boards.weddingbee.com/topic/help-out-soontobemrsa
Post # 5
@Cola262: I understand what you are saying. And I agree with you. While I dont think SoontobeMrsA would ever take advantage of anything I think its better to protect oneself than not. I think offering help in the form of donating leftover wedding items like decor, dress, accessories, etc is the best way to help. Maybe if you live close by offering your “services” of helping put together DIY invitations or something along those lines. I think the bottom line is to just use your own best judgment and only help in a way that you feel comfortable with.
Post # 6
@Cola262: Wow…that’s some story, and I agree that people need to exercise caution when dealing with online personalities.
Post # 7
I totally agree that setting up a Paypal fund is taking it too far. SoontobeMrs.A seems like a lovely person, but is obviously not truly hurting financially, just unable to fund a $12,000 wedding.
But I think it’s great if everyone could donate FREE/used stuff or make something if they live nearby and don’t see the harm in it. It would be fun to see a project like that come to life!
Post # 8
@KatyElle: “SoontobeMrs.A seems like a lovely person, but is obviously not truly hurting financially, just unable to fund a $12,000 wedding.”
I agree with this.
Post # 10
I think a Paypal accout might be a bit much, but if people wanted to contribute financially, you can always buy VISA or other gift cards that can be used anywhere a credit card is accepted. It would require a bit less personal information from everyone, epsecially if the giftee has a PO box. Otherwise, I agree that donating decor and other things could help.
Post # 11
I am in agreement. And yes, you do have to be careful with who you deal with on the internet.
Post # 12
In no way, shape, or form do I want anyone to donate any money at all!
I thought this was Bees who had extra stuff, talents or ideas who wanted to help us out. This was never my intention is posting about the postponed wedding. I was honestly just looking for a sympathetic ear.
Post # 13
@sceeder: Ouch! I may have been in an accident but I don’t look that bad!
Post # 14
@SoontobeMrsA: It wasn’t meant towards you. General stranger danger Public Service Announcement.
Post # 15
Wow, I dont think SoontobeMrsA had these intensions at ALL! She was just looking for sympathy, and ideas to help her still have her dream wedding.
This thread is uncalled for, and will prolly upset a lot of bees on here. If other bees want to help SoontobeMrsA, then let them and stay out of it if you dont think its right.
Post # 16
@SoontobeMrsA: Oh I dont think you are asking for money at all!! In fact, you did not set up the thread to help you out – someone else did out of the kindness of their heart. I was also under the impression that it was more about helping out in small ways (leftover craft supplies, fake flowers, jewelry, etc) than money. I understood that you were just looking for a sympathetic ear. I think the woman who posted this thread is just saying that sometimes things start out innocently but can turn into something more and get out of hand. Its the internet so I think she was just saying be careful and be smart. You have done nothing wrong!