nothing beyond engagment? Opinions?

posted 3 years ago in Relationships
Post # 16
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

WestCoastV :  This isn’t true at all where I live. Darling Husband and I saved tens of thousands by being married.

That the opposite could be true for you/where you live is blowing my mind. Could you elaborate, if you’re comfortable?

Post # 17
Member
2404 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

MrsSnowMountain :  I agree that it could definitely help with health insurance costs, especially once they have kids. 

Post # 18
Member
6841 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

MrsSnowMountain :  Where I live, what you’re saying doesn’t matter. I didn’t make the tax codes, but they are what they are. Even if both parents are raising the kid together. Combining incomes when you’re married can prove to be bad for some financially. 

And I wasn’t saying that is the reason these people are doing it. I’m just saying your comment that “Being married can only help you financially” is not true. Emphasis on only. 

Post # 19
Member
3332 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2017

I agree it’s a bit weird, as the ‘point’ of engagement is basically just planning to get married, but if they’re happy who cares. People have long engagements for tons of reasons. Marriage isn’t ALWAYS the best choice financially. And in Canada I dont think there is any benefit towards healthcare. I was able to add myself to FIs benefits with no issues after we started living together. Him to mine the same. We could file taxes as common law, but thre is no benefit.

Post # 20
Member
283 posts
Helper bee

MrsSnowMountain :  This is my understanding of a maarriage tax penalty. In the US, this has a lot to do with the difference in income in a married couple. Married people get a tax break when only one works or there is a large difference in income between the two people (this is essentially the lower earner pulling the higher one into a lower tax bracket). In middle class families where both people make about the median income there is little tax benefit/penalty. When you have two people who are married and high earners, they essentially push each other into a higher tax bracket, so they end up paying more in taxes. 

Post # 21
Member
6841 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

jannigirl :  My friend’s daughter’s insurance rates went up (way up) once they married. They already had a kid together but since they weren’t married she got certain allowances and tax breaks because she was technically a single mom. The second she got married, she no longer qualified for those specific deductions and programs that helped her. So now she pays more for the same exact insurance for her son because they live in a dual income household. 

Post # 22
Member
1607 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

If people want to be together long term without being married, great. That’s awesome. As long as both are on the same page. 

To me, being engaged means you are activiely planning to get married, within the foreseeable future. I see no point in being “engaged” with no plans to actually get married. Just buy a pretty ring. 

Post # 23
Member
6841 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

Also, to actually respond to the initial post: whatever floats their boat. I wouldn’t be okay with doing this in MY life, but different things make different people happy. Maybe they do just think of it as a committment ring. Who knows! As long as they’re both on the same page and happy with the decision, that’s what matters. 

Post # 24
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

llevinso :  Ok… not sure why you’re being so aggressive about my original wording, when I’ve since made it very clear that I’m curious and open to hearing about different circumstances. It does in fact matter where you live, because where I live, my statement would be correct. Unless one party owned some huge amount of property or idk… something else extremely extenuating. 

Post # 25
Member
6841 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

MrsSnowMountain :  Aggressive? Really? I was just saying that your statement was not correct for where I live. Which seemed to be where you think the difference was anyway. Not being aggressive in any way whatsoever. You seemed confused as to how this could be the case, so I explained. 

Post # 27
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

llevinso :  That’s so ridiculous, wow! All my insurance rates went significantly DOWN post-marriage. The US is crazy! Learning something…

Post # 28
Member
298 posts
Helper bee

Every relationship is different and if it works for them that’s great!

I understand your feelings because you might be thinking… should I wait too?  So you are trying to weigh the pros and cons since your friend is doing that… you didn’t even consider this as an opinion before!

For me personally … I wanted to get married.  Yes we were hit HARD when tax season came.  Totally sucked.

BUT there is a lot of work you have to do to make sure that if something “bad” happens to your SO you are still involved or you would still “inherit” the assets that your SO has.  Also vice versa.

Like if SO was hit by a car and put in the hospital and the choice to weather he was on life support or not, would not be you it would be his parents UNLESS he signed a document that said you would decide (which you would have to pay legal fees to have drafted, also this takes time and effort).

If he were to die… the house… or apartment… his bank account (which you might need to pay part or all the rent or mortgage) … his retirement savings … all other assets (car? Stocks?) would go to his parents unless again he had a will.

Of course this is a worst case scenario thing… but something to think about.

Post # 29
Member
648 posts
Busy bee

mrspedtobe :  I hope your friend is planning on proper estate planning documents and powers of attorney being drawn up and updated as needed as their family grows as marriage is much more than a piece of paper (that’s thousands of dollars).  It’s ignorant to pretend otherwise.

When having children out of wedlock, if your friend is receiving any assistance including Medicaid, the father can/will in some states automatically be assessed child support and be responsible for the child’s medical costs.  I live in a HCOL area and DH’s friend got hit with a really high support order after his live in gf had a child on welfare (even though he makes well into the 6 figures).  Unless your friends are both high earners they won’t pay more filing a joint return. 

As an educated person, this seems silly and like something ignorant kids would say.  It makes life unnecessarily complicated and I believe there is value in children being raised in a traditional family structure.  If there were significant assets involved then there’s plenty of money for a prenup. Your friend sounds like a lot of posts on the bee where the woman is a Stay-At-Home Mom with no assets in her name and no way to escape because she’s not financially protected like she would be in a divorce. 

Post # 30
Member
1368 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

litttlemisslamb :  What do you mean by: “much more than a piece of paper (that’s thousands of dollars)” ?

 

Leave a comment


Find Amazing Vendors