Post # 1
I’ve browsed the boards before but never took the time to post. But today I just need to get this off my chest. This morning I get a call from my fiance about my younger brother posting on my FB wall about how upset he was with me that I was talking behind his back and we were through, that I had degraded myself and our mother would be ahsamed (she has been gone 10 years). I was confused, I hadn’t been discussing him at all.
I log on see the nasty post for myself and see I have a FB message, before I checked it my brother-in-law who is married to my younger sister calls me and I ask him what was going on. come to find out my sisters friend had told my sister about my private blog where I vent anon, discuss my mental illness, and generally unwind. She had been reading it for months and had never come to me to offer any support even though she knew I was struggling with suicidal urges, my eating disorder and self-harm, honestly I was stunned and upset. He said I had posted some thoughts over my brothers new marriage and my sisters as well the previous night. There it was, the reason they were upset…
I had discussed my brothers shot gun wedding and the fact he had only proposed after a second girlfriend had confronted the first. I had touched upon my brother-in-laws flirting. I did not name names, I didn’t even give details just venting because of the way my siblings had been treating me over the past year (blatant exclusions from everything, ignored messages, ect). I never expected them to read any of it and I most certainly never intended to hurt them. It was my own ignorance ever allowing the friend to follow me even after promising eachothers blogs stayed private, and my own stupidity venting about something so personal.
The facebook message turned out to be a message from my sister also declaring that she could no longer handle “walking on eggshells” around me and was hurt by my actions so no longer wanted to be part of my life. She wasn’t in the first place because she blew me off constantly! I explained to her that this was in no way aiming to hurt her because the blog was private for a reason and I didn’t understand her feelings toward me since we never see each other, that I hoped she could forgive me for saying such personal things,
I know they’re hurt by my (true) observations and the only thing I apolgoze for is venting somewhere where someone I know could read it, complete stupidity on my part. I honestly have been dealing with their snubs for over two years and I myself was ready to cut the ties on the poisonous relationship we had.
I suppose the main point to this vent is now I feel like the wedding that I was planning is darkened and strained, I knew I wasn’t going to include either of them because neither showed any interest but now I’m going to have to deal with “where is your sister? What did you do? what was said? why was your brother so mad?” Not that I wasn’t struggling enough…
Post # 3
I think your sister’s friend has nothing better to do but focus on what your doing/saying. It’s a blog, yes it should have been private if you just intended on venting but still..it’s YOUR blog!
Just stay strong and focus on your wedding plans. If you say your relationship with your sister and brother had already been suffering, then don’t worry about the questions people have at your wedding.
I hope everything works out the way you want it to. Good Luck and remember wedding planning is supposed to be one of the happiest times! 🙂
Post # 4
They only got upset when you wrote something about them? WHAT? Being someone who struggles with similar things.. I would be furious if they knew all about it and never came to me once to give me support. They sound incredibly immature to be confronting you about it over FACEBOOK. How old are these people?
I know it sucks, but maybe it’s not so bad that they don’t want to associate with you. I wouldn’t want to associate with them if they can’t be there for me with something so dangerous. What the hell would she have done if you’d, say, killed yourself and she hadn’t said or done anything to help you? Disgusting.
On a side note.. feel free to PM me anytime!
Post # 5
I think you owe family members an apology if what you said hurt them. Yes, you thought your friend would keep your blog a secret, and that what was said there would stay private, but the beef is with your friend for violating that trust.
In the future, if you decide to blog anonymously about your personal issues and thoughts on the people in your life, don’t tell your friends.
I hope you can work this out with your family.
Post # 6
How was this person able to locate your blog? What a bitch! I think it’s messed up that your sibs didn’t support you when you were having suicidal thoughts.
Post # 7
I’m going to echo Leahhh here and say I think your sister’s a selfish, despicable person if she could happily read all about everything you’re going through without a care in the world, and only get all bent out of shape when you vent about your siblings.
She thinks SHE’S hurt? By a vent? Try dealing with suicidal depression and an eating disorder, sunshine, you’ll learn what it’s really like to hurt. Un-freaking-believable.
If you ever want to PM me, feel free.
Post # 8
Or better yet, write it in a diary you keep in your bedside drawer.
Post # 9
@linguo42: agreed! They should be worried about your health, not what you said about them (at least, it does take a backseat to your health)
Post # 10
I would start with an apology. Just think how you would feel if one of your relatives blogged about your ups and downs ,behaviors and actions.
Luckily you have 2 years for some healing to take place in your family before your wedding.
Post # 11
I didn’t have time to read the whole post, but I see the facebook icon on your picture. Are you signed in via facebook posting this? I’m not sure how the FB WB interaction works, but just wanted to give you a heads up in case you wanted to keep this vent private to the bee.
Post # 12
Thank you all for the support, I’m trying to remember I’m working on my own family right now and their issues shouldn’t make my life or wedding planning harder. I already have enough to worry about.
Yes it really hurts that they can ignore the other issues, read the things I’m struggling with but the minute its about them they find it ok to confront me. I tried to reach out to them but it seems they just were “curious” not helpful. It makes me feel sick knowing she saw how I contemplated ending my life and she stood by and did nothing.
My sister is 23 and my brother is almost 20.
The friend knew about it because he also had a blog that he used for his frustrations (we followed eachother), I could be shallow and let his family know what he writes about them since he seems to enjoy doing it to me. lI hope he is thankful I’m not the same sort that would do that… Since I keep my promises and I promised to keep his a secret.
I did apologize for hurting their feelings with my observations but I will not apologize for writing my thoughts in what I thought was a safe and supportful place. I won’t write in a diary because my blog is a haven (I’m sure all of you out there who blog can understand how great it is to have support) where I can vent and recieve input from likeminded people.
I’ve tried to heal our relationship, we’ve had a lot of issues since our childhood. They both used to and I’m sure still do blame me for destroying our family by reporting our father for the sexual abuse I endured, and I know it was hard for them to understand my mental illness. the last few months I’ve wondered though if it was worth it to keep trying when they do not seem to care whether I was there or not, this blow up just signified to me they were looking for that one reason to stop communicating at all with me.
and as for the FB posting I haven’t seen any updates apear on my profile but I’m being extra careful to make sure the pages do not link, thank you 🙂
Post # 13
although you use your blog to vent the fact is it isnt private and real people were hurt by your real words – i can only imagine if it was you in their shoes reading words about you and observations made. if you really wanted to keep it private then you shouldnt have published it for the world to read
my thoughts are if you cant say it to someones face then dont let strangers read it online – people are savy to tracking people down these days and there is very little privacy
i understand you are struggling with a number of issues in your life and this has added to it – sending my best for your continued recovery and health