Post # 1
I got married in May. We had a beautiful wedding and a wonderful honeymoon. Now we’re back to reality, and in large part, not much has changed. We lived together for almost two years before getting married, so our routine etc… is the same. But, we’re married now and my husband is a planner. He likes to plan for the future and have his ducks in a row. I love this about him, but right now I’m totally overwhelmed. We’re buying a house. We’re TTC. We’ve changed medical plans at work so that we’re on the same plan, so we had to find new doctors (plus we’re changing cities for the new house). I’m changing banks over to his bank because they have better rates/options. He wants to set up life insurance and the life insurance company wants to quiz me about every minute detail in my medical history. He’s made an appointment with our lawyer to create a family trust. We haven’t even been married for two months. I appreciate his desire to take care of our family and make sure that we’re covered if anything should go wrong, but what happened to those joyous carefree newlywed days that I’ve heard about. I’m completely stressed out.
Has anyone else dealt with this? Any advice?
Post # 3
I think it’s good that he’s doing this. It is extremely important that he do this for the well being of you and your family. I think that you should sit down with him and tell him that you admire that he wants to make sure everything is right, perhaps you guys could spend a weekend not discussing or thinking about these things. Maybe go away for a weekend or go on a romantic date? Definitely tell him you’re stressed out and overwhelmed.
Post # 4
Yes, and I personally think it sounds like your husband is just excited to start a new chapter in life with you. I think all couples continue to mature and grow and face new challenges and experiences regardless of how long they have been together, and regardless of what they have been through before – somtimes we have less than ideal circumstances, and even though I’m sure you’d rather be “joyous and carefree” right now, you are also making (great but life changing) decisions which carry some stress factors.
Post # 5
It really is great he’s doing all this…it would be even better if perhaps he slowed a touch since you are getting overwhelmed. After reading this I’M overwhelmed because Darling Husband & I haven’t done anything really except get on the same health insurance…and that was probably only because there was a 30 day time limit on that option! He’ll definitely be getting the side-eye from me when we get home from work. 😉
[Although, I must admit, I am sort of completely immature so it’s not all his fault we’re slow on the planning. When a friend of mine pushed for her Fiance to get life insurance my first thought was “She wants to kill him!!” So…yeah.]
Post # 6
I agree, it’s awesome that he’s making these plans. My husband is generally the same way, but he concentrates a bit too much on the little things and not the big picture. I want to start budgeting and saving like crazy, but he’s focused on buying new cell phones and getting a laptop for school. In the end, we’ll be on the same page.
We recently had to add him to my health insurance because his COBRA subsidy ran out and he won’t be eligible at his new company until three months after he goes full-time. And he’s decided we need to join Costco. I guess that makes us good and married. 🙂
Post # 7
I can see why that is overwhelming. You’re being inundated with changes but I would do freaking back flips if my husband was at all like this. He’s soooooo not. He doesn’t exactly plan for the future, he just dreams about it, gets excited about but has no concept of the fact that you need to prepare for it. His head in the clouds. I’d kill for a fraction of the preparedness your hubby shows! That being said, its totally acceptable (to me) to tell him how much you appreciate his initiative, but you just want to tackle one thing at a time.
Jeez, now I feel like we’re such underachievers. The only thing we’ve done since being married issssss…. um, deposit the checks/cash and write some (not all) of the thank you cards. Yikes.
Post # 8
Hmm, all of those things would excite me 🙂 It’s sweet that your hubby is taking initiative to get those things started for you both. It means he’s excited for his future with you.
That doesn’t mean your newlywed days have to stop, and trust me, things will calm down. Right after the wedding, couples assume (and we did as well!) that once you’re back from your honeymoon, you’ll have SO much time on your hands. That wasn’t the case with us because we still had a ton to do: thank you cards, unpack our gifts, change my name and all my legal documents, switch bank account, wills, etc. It was A LOT of legal stuff, BUT I’m really glad we did it right away and got it over with in the first few months. Because now? We’re totally relaxing and lovin’ life, and we don’t have any of that stuff looming over us.
Just give it time 🙂
Post # 9
Yea, we aren’t having those lazy newlywed days yet. We are so busy trying to catch up from the wedding last month, still haven’t sent out thank you.s
Post # 10
We’ve been married since October. I’m the planner. It’s pretty much a new thing each month: decide on retirement, plan and go on our Europe trip, figure out our marriage taxes, get pregnant, readjust our financial planning, decide on the health insurance, paint the house, decide on life insurance, make major purchases-bed/tv.
I would do a will or trust if I had enough stamina but yah, I’m burnt out researching and deciding so now, I will bask in the few more months of our 1st year of marriage, hopefully-plan free–except for all the pregnancy and newborn books I’m reading. Did I mention we found and bought a house during our engagement? You’re overwhelmed..your hubby must be reaching that point too, huh? If not, try to be cooperative yet encourage him to have some fun too!!
PS Doing the life insurance forms was the most stressful time for me. Something about your whole life flashing before your eyes, is pretty draining and scary!
PPS I agree, your lazy days are not too far off. Hang tight, we have plenty of free time now. Hopefully you’ll be able to relax by the holidays, if not sooner!!
Post # 11
Your hubby sounds like a sweetheart! In my marriage, I play the part of your husband and my husband plays the part of you. 🙂 I’m the planner that is all about getting the joint checking and budget set up ASAP and getting our joint retirement plan established, etc. so I can identify with your hubby. It’s hard being a planner and wanting everything set up ASAP and I respect it’s also hard to be more a laidback partner and not wanting to get overwhelmed with doing everything at once. I’m sure you two will work it out and as stressful as it may get for you, just take a step back and tell yourself, “there are a million girls out there that would love to be married to man who is so organized and together!!” It’s true. Take care!!
Post # 12
If you’re feeling overwhelmed and stressed I would try to take one thing at a time instead of everything at once.
This week, we will do X, Y and Z for the new house.
Next week, we will have appointments A and B.
Next month we will think about C.
If he’s a planner your husband should like this approach, it’s just like wedding planning – you didn’t do everything for the wedding in one month so I’d spread it out this way too. Also, even though I’m a big believer in “there’s no perfect time for TTC” this *really* doesn’t sound like a perfect time so I’d probably hold off on that for a month or two 🙂
Post # 13
Yes, we are going through all of the same things too (except the house, we bought a few years ago, instead we both did major job changes).
We just split our to do list up into what we are going to attack each weekend. You can’t do it all at once or you are going to burn out. I’m just glad we are done with the wedding planning- if we had that on top of everything else I would go insane.
Since my husband has been running with all of the other details, I am fine with that. The name change stuff is more than enough to deal with for me.