Post # 1
I have been reading through the boards and I noticed that a few Bees pick out or design their engagement ring with their SO, then wait to get the big proposal. I guess I’m just old, but if you know you are getting engaged and the ring is in the house, why wait? To each his/her own, but I am just curious about the thought process.
Post # 2
My husband and I were talking about this the other day and both wondered the same. We picked out my ring together and he proposed two weeks later. Only reason for the wait is that we were long distance and so he picked it up once it was ready and then proposed the next weekend we were together.
I’m not dissing the wait. But neither of us would have been able to stand waiting months for the proposal. But that was us. His proposal was simple and perfectly fitting for us. I understand some prefer a grand gesture, and that’s great! I just wouldn’t have been able to deal with the anxiety of the wait. LOL!
Post # 3
- Wedding: February 2019 - City, State
My SO and I found the perfect vintage ring online. He ordered it, but waited to propose because he knew I have always wanted a Christmas proposal. We were already planning for the wedding since we knew we were going to get married, but he wanted to make the proposal extra special.
Post # 4
We did that, designed together then waited. We did it because his mom had offered us a family diamond, and so we needed to get it reset. He wanted to be able to plan a special moment for us to both enjoy, proposing in a romantic way was important to him. He got the ring, proposed about a week later while we were on vacation.
Post # 5
jg19 : my husband still wanted the official proposal moment. He wanted to get down on one knee and give a speech and ask me the question. Sure, he knew the answer. But it was still a super special moment nontheless.
ETA: we didn’t wait months or even weeks. The ring arrived, we left for vacation the next day, and he proposed a couple days later.
Post # 5
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Because it’s a massive financial decision that really, you should probably be making together in the first place. I also don’t think it should come as a complete surprise- marriage should be discussed first, and for us that included finding the ring. I liked adding the element of surprise and anticipation for the proposal, rather than him just giving me the ring from the mail.
Post # 7
I designed my ring because I don’t trust my man’s creative eye lol (I’m an artist so I was very specific) We agreed on certain aspects together – he wanted me to have a diamond, he chose the size, but together we picked the specific stone and I decided on the setting. The surprise aspect was that I didn’t know when the ring was finished being made and I didn’t know when or where he was going to propose. He also didn’t keep it in the house. We were in no rush to get engaged at all and have had a pretty lengthy engagement as well. I didn’t see any reason to hurry things along – it’s not like either of us was going anywhere! He waited to propose in front of the fountain at the Metropolitan Museum of Art which is where we shared a kiss on our first official date. I wasn’t expecting it at all and it wasn’t grand or anything, just a simple gesture that felt very sweet and special because he put some thought into it.
A girl I used to be friends with picked out her ring on Amazon, bought it herself, had her SO receive the package, and then she dictated when and where she wanted to be proposed to – both the time and the date. Then they got married 7 months later. Now THAT is nuts in my opinion.
Post # 8
People do that because they want to create a special memory of the actual proposal. And it may take a few weeks or months to plan that, especially if they want it to happen at a certain event or vacation. I don’t understand, however, when someone buys a ring and then sits on in for a year.
Post # 9
I picked out my own ring because I’d much rather have a ring I 100% love for my whole life than one moment of a surprise proposal. That said we didn’t keep the ring in the house. The jewelry store told us we could pick the ring up on I think a Friday but D H picked it up on a Wednesday (unknown to me) and proposed that night.
ETA: but yea having a ring for months and months without proposing is weird imo whether the woman knowns about it or not
Post # 10
wonderwedding : Or the worst is hearing of the already purchased ring being used as an incentive. “If you [stop nagging/lose weight/change something about yourself I don’t like, etc], then I’ll propose.” That’s a HUGE red flag to me.
Post # 11
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
I didn’t pick out my ring, but I think for a lot of people it’s nice to let the guy have his own moment to shine. It’s…sort of all he really gets? So I think a lot of guys really want to have fun with the proposal, and they want it to be something special because it’s going to be a story that will be retold a lot. I’m all for letting a guy have control over the proposal – I think they have more fun with the wedding if they’re allowed to be involved in that way.
Post # 12
As far as I am concerned, my boyfriend can propose with a extremely cheap ring while watching television. BUT I get why some people want to design and then wait. It’s adorable and romantic. It is a milestone you will want to remember and this will be something special to them. They know it is coming, but there is still an element of surprise.
Post # 13
I can definitely understand how this happens because many women are super particular about the ring they want and it makes sense because she should love the ring she will wear forever! However, I was super happy to be totally surprised about everything, the ring, the proposal. I knew my husband was going to propose because we had talked about it and he was totally on board with everything. But it was a lot of fun for me to wonder about what ring he would pick etc. luckily I’m an indecisive person and I never had really strong ideas about what type of ring I wanted (shape, metal, halo vs solitaire), so as long as he bought something pretty, he really couldn’t go wrong. And I love what he picked for me!
Post # 14
We picked out a ring, and discussed marriage plans but rings are a big announcement. We don’t want to make it official/public yet because we still have other life things we’re wrapping up and we’re super super busy. When its official, the wedding planning countdown starts and families will be involved and people will ask questions. We just don’t have the time to talk to families or start wedding planning yet so I told him to wait until XYZ is over. It’s not a big surprise to everyone anyway, they all know we’re getting married next year some time.
Post # 15
- Wedding: August 2017 - Orange County, CA
jg19 : Most of the time I think “to each their own” but the waiting game flabbergasts me as well! Not the kind of waiting where couples purchase the ring and are waiting for a vacation/special date/moment, but the indefinate “surprise!” type of waiting that seems to cause a ton of stress.