Noticing Engagement "trend" on the board

posted 2 years ago in Engagement
Post # 16
Member
3988 posts
Honey bee

Maybe because it’s a huge life decision that should involve both parties.  

Post # 17
Member
9232 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

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jg19 :  I’m with you – if you’re designing rings together and/or already setting dates and planning wedding details then you’re already engaged to be married! I had a feeling my husband would propose eventually because he would comment on recently engaged friends’ rings to see my reaction and I’d drop hints about what I might want someday but he ultimately picked out and paid for my ring 100% on his own and the proposal was a complete surprise. 

Post # 20
Member
4201 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

I’m in this situation, I think 

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hickoryhills nailed it. My SO really wanted it all to be a surprise, but we agreed that a proposal shouldn’t come as a surprise to anyone involved and I wanted to be involved in the ring selection process. He wasn’t thrilled about it initially but after shopping he realized it was good that I was involved and it was kind of fun to pick it out together. Because we live out of town, it would have been really obvious if he went to the city without me to pick it up. I think him taking his time to propose is his way of adding the surprise element he wanted. A big grand proposal is something he always wanted to do and while being engaged is more important to me than a grand gesture, it’s important to him and I think that’s sweet. 

Post # 22
Member
1161 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: February 2018 - UK

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jg19 :  I have the same thoughts, but I think it might be a cultural thing, as I’ve only really seen this in the US. Over here I know plenty of people who picked the rings together, but none who then waited for a proposal, sometimes the other way around – proposal first then ring shopping. Reading the posts on this site has actually been a huge education for me on how many aspects of weddings and engagements are different on opposite sides of the pond!

I picked my engagement ring because my husband wanted me too, I was happy for him to choose but he was nervous. I didn’t get a proposal at all, we’d discussed getting married, hence why we went shopping for a ring, once we bought it, we were engaged.

Post # 23
Member
180 posts
Blushing bee

I think this is one of those things where you get it or you don’t.  I get it, because my SO and I both wanted a nice, traditional “proposal” moment, but both of us, especially me, would have felt HORRIBLE if he had spent that much money on something I hated.  I wasn’t there when he actually made the purchase, and he picked the final stone himself, but I have 0 regrets about being involved.

Post # 24
Member
199 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: July 2019 - Vineyard in Italy

In my case, I had to be involved because we decided to use my great grandma’s beautiful OEC, that was set in a different setting. So clearly I had to go have it taken out of the old setting, appraised and so on.

At that point, BF had my stone and he said that since I knew already it was coming, then he would prefer I picked something I really liked rather than him go and pick whatever; he is not very jewelry savvy, and admitted he probably would have picked a solitaire and a nice band… And I really did not want a solitaire, especially cause I bang my hands around a lot and it would have ruined the stone. 

This whole thing took away from him the surprise element, which he would have wanted. It is something we had to sacrifice, but we saved money (that can go to the wedding and house downpayment) and also I get to have a ring that is sentimental and I love… I would have never asked him to spend the money to buy such a stone if I didn’t already have one, I would have gone smaller!!!

So now he wants to at least be able to surprise me with the proposal… And I am super happy that he wants to! I would have not liked receiving the ring the very same day he picked it out without any planning effort. But that’s me. Of course I am super looking forward to receive the ring, but I also can wait to make both of us (and not just me) happy to have a moment to remember down the line. We are, though, already discussing wedding planning because it’s going to be a destination wedding… next summer!!!

Post # 25
Member
4201 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2019 - Canada

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LilliV :  I really dont love this sentiment and I see it a lot on the bee; “Did you pick out a ring/are you planning dates? then congrats, you’re engaged!”. If the couple doesnt consider themselves engaged, they’re not engaged. People don’t have to understand why people do things in the order they do them, but it would be nice if their decisions were respected. There could be all sorts of reasons to set a wedding date or design a ring before an official proposal, far be it for me to tell someone else the status of their relationship!

Post # 27
Member
3988 posts
Honey bee

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jg19 :  I know in my situation, we found the perfect stone early on, so we designed the ring.  We wanted to wait to make it public after a certain event.  We considered ourselves engaged before that, just no one else knew.

 

Post # 28
Hostess
4762 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 2016

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jg19 :  My friend’s husband ended up having the ring for what I felt was a long time before proposing (I want to say 6+ months).  He had the proposal planned for a place that was special to her and her family, and then one of her family members passed away, so he pushed it off for a bit until the timing felt right.  I felt awful for my friend though, because she was starting to think he’d never propose and didn’t even know he had the ring.  It all worked out, but I think when there are circumstances like this, it’s ok to wait a bit.  

I went with D.H. to the jeweler, but he wanted to do the proposal on his own.  He proposed a week after my above friend’s wedding, which was two weeks after getting the ring.  He said he would have done it sooner but wanted to give my friend her moment, and since she’s not the kind of person to ever let the spotlight be on her, I was really glad that he waited until after her wedding.  

Post # 29
Member
1069 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2018 - -

I picked my ring and the 2-week “wait” was me not quite knowing when it was being delivered to him in the next state over, and he wanted to be part of the proposal. If I’d chosen it and told him when to propose, that would be selfish and like proposing to myself.

I wanted to simply exchange rings, he’d been wearing his engagement ring I bought him for a month before he proposed (mine took longer to make), but he wanted to choose the moment we’d both officially be engaged, so that was how we did it.

Post # 30
Member
13749 posts
Honey Beekeeper

To me, you’re engaged by definition once you agree to be married and pick out a ring. Rather than waiting for months for some elaborate, theatrical “surprise” proposal my own preference is the traditional idea of an engagement ring as a gift or a real proposal sans ring or with a stand in, then go shopping together. 

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