Post # 46
buzzerbeater : “but yea having a ring for months and months without proposing is weird imo whether the woman knowns about it or not”
This is off topic from the OP/discussion, but just wanted to chime in and say that my fiance bought my ring 4-5 months before he proposed for my 30th birthday (although I didn’t know he had it that long until after the fact). He planned all along to propose for my birthday, so I’m not sure why he bought it so far in advance, except I guess that he was nervous and had already been agonizing over choosing a ring for like 6 months before that point, so I guess he just wanted to make sure he got the one he wanted with plenty of time to spare?
Personally, I’m glad that he waited the few months. As it is, we were together a relatively short time (14 months) before getting engaged, and when he actually purchased the ring I wasn’t even 100% sure I wanted to marry him — it wasn’t until the 11-month mark that I was sure I could say yes to a proposal in good conscience.
But yeah, in our case he hung onto it for months because he was waiting for the occasion he planned to propose, so I think in cases like that it makes sense.
Post # 47
My SO is super into grand, romantic gestures and surprises BUT we talk about almost everything and future-plan a lot, I’m really picky with jewelry and I’ll be wearing this daily (side note: I’d still gladly accept and cherish ANY ring he might get for me), and it takes the pressure off him to guess what kind of jewelry I’d like. But I have absolutely no idea when/where/how he’s going to propose, and even if I didn’t know a proposal was close on the horizon, we’ve been together long enough where I’d be daydreaming and wondering about this regularly anyway. So it works out well for both of us.
Post # 49
- Wedding: November 2019 - City, State
LilliV : That’s a good point. If wedding plans are already being set & things booked, I see the point about the proposal being redundant. A proposal is essentially an agreement to be married and if plans are underway, that agreement is implied. As much as I’m excited to start planning, I would go nuts if we had wedding plans and he hadn’t proposed yet!
Post # 50
My husband wanted to make sure that I liked the ring he was buyin – I can’t fault a man for being practical. The actual proposal itself was still pretty special even though it wasn’t a complete surprise.
Post # 51
I think it is because many women balk at the thought of a proposal without a ring. My husband proposed without a ring because he wasn’t sure what I would like. We went ring shopping the next day.
Post # 52
LilliV : what if a couple discussed and decided that they are going to get married at [their favorite park] on their anniversary in 2025. No proposal, no ring. They just walked around the park one day and said hey lets get married here in 2025 on our x’th anniversary.
Was that a proposal? Are they engaged? Should they tell everyone?
I think that engagement is like close to when two people are actively involved in making steps towards signing marriage papers. Sometimes couples do discuss and agree to get married in the future but are not actively making plans. Sometimes teenagers exchange rings and promise to marry each other far later in the future. I wouldn’t consider those official engagements although they can be. Babies can be betrothed to one another without their knowing even. They are already ‘engaged’ at birth. I don’t see how there can be only one universally valid interpretation
Post # 53
- Wedding: March 2021 - Kauai, HI
My SO and I have discussed marriage, plan to get engaged in 2019. I’m proposing to him and already have the ring. He and I have been shopping for my ring and have just been enjoying the process. He plans to propose to me but doesn’t have a plan on when ( though it’ll be within 6 months of my proposal. He thinks it’ll be on one of our birthdays as he figures I won’t want to wait too long. (Little does he know he’s right!). I think he’ll purchase my ring before the end of the year. I think it’s just a game for us. The fun of the shopping and surprising eachother. We also plan to have a long engagement so a couple of my kids can get graduated. We’re enjoying the journey! What’s the rush, we’re older and not having more kids.
Post # 54
I picked my ring and had a proposal because I want to have my cake and eat it too. I wanted control, but I also wanted to be surprised in a fun, unexpected, and romantic way. I think people feel uncomfortable with women doing this because it’s like we’re getting away with something. I felt like I was, and it was so much fun all around that I feel bad for people who didn’t do it my way. Not judging them, but it feels amazing to know that you get all the butterflies of a fun romantic proposal without the anxiety of “will he? Won’t he?” and the chance of being disappointed in a ring. 10/10 would chose my own ring yet still get a surprise proposal again.
Post # 55
jg19 : my boyfriend and I are designing our ring right now. He has an engagement idea in mind that is super important to him (I have no clue what it could be). He has said that he doesn’t want to just propose as soon as he has the ring because he wants it to be special. I am pretty ambivalent because I’m ready to be engaged after 4+ years of being together, but I also want it to be special and for him to be excited. So the wait continues!
Post # 56
- Wedding: August 2018 - Location
He hadn’t a clue about rings, but knew he wanted to spend about 10k so why waste that much money on something I might not like?
So yes I knew it was coming but the exact moment was a surprise!