(Closed) Now do I

posted 3 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
8068 posts
Bumble Beekeeper

Your post was very hard to understand but if I am right you are upset because your future mother inlaw had a slip of the tongue and accidently said the name of his ex, who was present and is gay, instead of your name. 

There really is nothing to be so upset about. It was a slip of the tongue and they were probably laughing at her silly mistake. The ex is gay so there is nothing at all to be worried about. 

If you keep mentioning things like this to your FI about his gay ex and his mother you are going to give him pause to think about the person he is marrying. 

Post # 3
2127 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2014 - Baby #2 due Sep 2017

j_jaye:  Yes, that’s the story as I understood it, though I had to reread it.

more-most-always:  I agree with the pp, it was just a simple mistake. 

But I can appreciate your feelings of insecurity. Why was the ex there at the birthday lunch? Even if she was gay, the fact that my FI used to be in love with her enough to propose marriage would make me uncomfortable. I wouldn’t want my FI to be too close to her.. Can you talk to your FI about that? I wouldn’t be satisfied with ‘But she’s gay’, I’d want him to fully explain his feelings for her.

Post # 4
3028 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2014 - Prague

This wouldn’t cause me pain. 

The girl is an ex and she’s gay. The mom made a slip of the tongue and it’s super awkward, but that’s all it was.

Move on.

Post # 5
8988 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2012

Fun fact. People who used to be engaged and no longer are can still be friends.<br /><br />OP: I would just chalk it up to a silly mistake. This doesn’t mean your future MIL wants him and her to be together more than you and him. I once called my 6th grade teacher mom… doesn’t mean I wanted him to be my mom.

Post # 8
73 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

I’m kind of confused on some of this post. I gather that the FMIL wants your FH to be with his ex? I mean, obviously if he was going to be with her, he would be. Yet, he’s not. He is with you. I’m guessing there is a reason for that. This still sounds like a hard situation to be in and FMIL sounds kinda like a douche, but you should have faith in your man. Unless you have had doubts about this before, I would disregard as an poorly done joke on FMIL’s behalf.

Post # 9
5274 posts
Bee Keeper

more-most-always:  I think you should make an effort to get closer with your FMIL. It sounds like you are feeling bad about how close she is with the BF as opposed to how close the BF is with your FI. Maybe you could plan a girls lunch for you and her, and maybe even the BF? 

Post # 10
84 posts
Worker bee

If he’s known this other woman for 20 years, she sounds like a very close family friend.  I wouldn’t read anything into this slip of the tongue.  (Also, I’m guessing his mom is not in her 40s! LOL)

If it consoles you any, my mom and dad were married by her grandfather… who forgot my dad’s name during the wedding service.  “And do you… *what’s your name! what’s your name!*”  They’d been together for a while, too.  LOL.  People muck up, it’s what we do.  That’s why “to err to human, to forgive divine” has lasted hundreds of years!

Post # 11
339 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

more-most-always:  Hey, this would really upset me too. Somebody above said that it’s possible for ex fiancés to be friends. Sure, of course it is – but you are also entitled to your feelings on the matter. If you’re not comfortable with that friendship, you should speak to your fiancé about it ASAP. And he should figure out a way to make sure you’re comfortable at your own wedding celebrations. This may well mean not inviting his former fiancee.

I really don’t understand why anyone would find this controversial. We live in a weird moment in time where some people mistake any feeling of possessiveness as a mark of immaturity or mistrust. But I assure you, it’s not unnatural or immature or unhealthy or even unusual to prefer that the woman your fiancé almost married NOT be part of your wedding celebrations — particularly if your future mother-in-law is having a hard time keeping verbal track of which woman her son is marrying!

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