(Closed) Now he tells me? Help….

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 47
Member
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

i second

View original reply
@VickyAurea about the counseling.  he changed his mind back so quickly…even if it IS what he really wants, his fear is real and he’ll need help and open lines of communication facing that, and i really think counseling can help.

Post # 48
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

I’m glad you were clear and move out for a few days to show him how serious you are. But his conflicted emotions haven’t gone away. He needs to deal with them. He may want to have kids now, but that anger/sadness that he feels will come out in other ways. For instance, he may not want to discipline your children because he doesn’t want them to ‘hate’ him because he’s fearful of not getting phone calls on his birthday when he’s 80. So you’ll be the one doing all the discipline and he’ll be the nice guy. Meanwhile your kids will be out of control because they know all they have to do is tell their Dad, I Hate YOU, and he’ll cave.

 

Post # 49
Member
3538 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2010

You know… I really think there is two sides and that people can change their mind.

When I met my husband… he wanted kids.. I did not. It was a tough issue and one we chatted about. I stated my reasons..he stated his. But to us, our relationship was more important. We got married with both our views and some days I sway to wanting kids and other days he sways to not wanting to have kids but yet our relationship continues (we like all couples have our down days but most days happy as and glad we are committed to each other)

But food for thought: Throw this into the equation = What if you physically cant have kids or cant fall pregnant even if he changes his mind? does that mean you love each other less or shouldnt be married? will you be miserable for the rest of your life because you cant have kids? I really dont think so. I think sometimes you should accept the blessings in life. A person who loves you and is willing to be there for you regardless of whatever. Thats what he is offering. Kids are an added blessing to anyones life but sometimes its not what should be put first. ( i do not in anyway mean this to be rude ) I just think there is a flipside and differant outlook to be considered.

Best of luck to you both xx

Post # 50
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@soyjoy222: People can change their minds completely, yes. Having said that, we shouldn’t assume that we can change people’s minds – some people get pregnant on purpose to trick their spouse and that is where it becomes dangerous because you really can’t force people to change their minds, it isn’t healthy. But minds change, yes. I know of another couple (this story is not as nice) who were together 15 years (never engaged) but broke up mid-30s because she didn’t want kids and it wasn’t working out. Now, it’s a few years later and she has a baby….. awkward. He is 40 now and living alone, a bachelor, and there is his ex who never wanted kids, with a baby and a fiance. So awkward, and so sad for him.

Post # 52
Member
1363 posts
Bumble bee

View original reply
@MsJ26: Good, I really do think that’s the best thing you can do. There’s only so much us bees can do to help you – glad you’re making the next step. Good luck.

Post # 53
Member
6065 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 2012

View original reply
@MsJ26: Very smart moves, you are handling this well. I wish the best for you!

Post # 55
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

I am so sorry you have been through all of this. It sounds like your gut was telling you something and it was right. Lucky you got out when you did.

Post # 56
Member
1613 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2014

EDITED: I’m so sorry…

—->>>I was only replying to her first post I didn’t read the whole thing, chillax

 

 

 

Post # 58
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

View original reply
@ForeverAndEverAfter: I think you might want to read through the whole thread:)

Post # 59
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@ForeverAndEverAfter: Did you even read her last post follow up about another woman being involved?

Post # 60
Member
3770 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: December 1999

View original reply
@MsJ26: Where there any other big issues or was it just the children issues? Maybe he knew that was your make or break isue and that is why he told you that. Either way, I am so sorry.

Post # 61
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2010

View original reply
@MsJ26: Thanks for following up with us. I’m so sorry that your Fiance didn’t even have the guts to tell you there was someone else. What a coward to pretend it was about kids when in reality he was just a lying, cheating POS. And to pretend to compromise when he knew he didn’t want to be with you. What a scum bag. I know your heart must be breaking, but in time you will be relived the have dodged that bullet. Now he’s someone else’s problem.

Take care of yourself!

The topic ‘Now he tells me? Help….’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors